I went a little NUTS!

by irondork 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  irondork

  Did you go a little nuts as you were waking up and making your exit?

  I had a few of the symptoms listed in Hassan's, Combatting Cult Mind Control. I couldn't pull my thoughts together. Even simple conversation was a struggle for me. Mid-sentence I would lose my thought or not be able to come up with a word, so I would trail off and walk away out of frustration. The biggest problem, I found out by those around me, was that I became very angry and agressive. I knew I was having anger but I was not aware it was leaking out. I thought I had a handle on it. My boss man even thought I was taking steroids (I was hitting the gym pretty hard and showing results). Nope. No steroids.

  The dust is starting to settle. The mental clouds are beginning to lift, I think... a little. I don't stammer and sputter so much when I speak. My thoughts seem clearer.

  Maybe I went completely over the edge and I only THINK I feel better.

  Cooool!
• 

  Satanus

  After i found out ttatt, i kept going and bringing stuff up. After a yr of that they dffed me. I was VERY tense during that yr. It slowly went down over the next few yrs. It takes time.

  S
• 

  LouBelle

  A little nuts?

  You've got all these beliefs you feel you have to prove or disprove, plus you are trying to find out the truth about the truth. You have at least 4 or 5 bibles around you, greek ones, hebrew ones, dictionarys, writing pads. Plus you have the elders on your case, plus your social network is collapsing, your family is trying to force you to give up the search. Plus you still have talks that you are battling with because you can't regurgitate those beliefs anymore......

  Not a little nuts my friends. I had nights of crying, madness, voices in my head, total exhaustian. It took 6 months for me - thank goodness I just got it over and done with in such a short space of time.

  Now - never look back. It was worth it.
• 

  cantleave

  Yep - My exiting completely consumed me for a while.
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  Lozhasleft

  It's a cult that you've been bound up in. Evidence suggests many of us have suffered Post Traumatic Stress, and no wonder. Gradually it gets easier and your thoughts get clearer, still painful, but better. Take care of yourself, find ways to chill out with nothing to think about if you can, or consider some counselling, it helped me.

  Loz x
• 

  notjustyet

  I think it is true, just coming to the realization that we were duped by a cult can make you look a little bonkers for a bit.

  Some radical thoughts, saying things to current JWs that make you look a little bit, well, crazy from our point of view is very understandable, from theirs we look a bit crazy just like the WTBTS says we will.

  When talking to some Elders who wound up at my door a few months ago I was supposed to say " I'm depressed, blah blah blah," Had it planned out and all and then when they said certain things I was not able to hold back and while maintaining my composure I did kinda let them know that I did not agree with them.

  I'm sure to THEM I looked and acted a little bit weird saying the things that I said.

  So yes, I think that going a bit nuts is almost mandatory to get it all out.

  NJY
• 

  Satanus

  'going a bit nuts is almost mandatory to get it all out.'

  Oh yah, they think that people that leave are nuts. There's no getting around that.

  S
• 

  panhandlegirl

  Feeling that you're going nuts is new normal after leaving the borg. Even a year or so after I left, on morning I awoke in a cold sweat thinking "What if they are right and they are God's only people!" I had to calm myself down by going over everything I had learned about them. It gets better. It's just difficult leaving something you put your trust into. It's a feeling of "What now?"

  PHG
• 

  00DAD

  Anger is a normal reaction to finding out you were betrayed by people you trusted.

  Lashing out at innocent people is obviously not good.

  Holding on to that anger endlessly is self-destructive.

  It's important to be aware of the source and causes of that anger. Working out is good.

  Posting here can be helpful, but it can also be self-indulgent.

  I found a course of therapy with a professional counselor helped me when I hit a period where the anger was not resolving.

  It's a process.

  00DAD
• 

  wezz

  LouBelle - net so!