Do-Overs...What if you could have just one....What would it be? Why?

Terry

As we grow older and have more life experience we have an advantage in looking at our life as a whole.

We can see things from more than one perspective. We can be wiser as our emotions cool. Hindsight gives us the power to judge outcomes.

For example, I was thinking about a 20 year chunk of my life. The years of being a JW.

What if I got a DO OVER?

I could have my teen years and young manhood back. I could have gotten a good education and a career instead of wasting time.

But--paradox upon paradox sprang up when I thought about that!

I would not have married my first wife who was my best (JW) friend's sister.

Which means my beloved 3 kids from that marriage would NOT EXIST!

Am I willing for that result to come upon me????

Do Overs are tricky.

The bad we wish to avoid almost invariably had a consequence that went beyond the miserable. Sometimes a wonderful thing followed in its wake.

Can we really cherry pick and get away with it?

I can't seem to get there from here!

IF YOU HAD JUST ONE DO OVER....What would it be? Why would you UN-do it? What would you gain/lose? Would it be worth it??

Never being baptized. I think that I had the necessary brains, along with the friendly rivalry my high school friend provided, to become an architect, an engineer, something of that sort. All I needed was the confidence, something that I believe that being JW and being raised by a single, over-protective mother kept me from gaining.

But, as you say, who knows what the ultimate outcome would've been? Better to live the life now and look towards the future.

talesin

It would be nice if I had realized how downright abusive and dysfunctional my family is, stopped trying to get them to love me, and cut ties with my parents when they kicked me out.

I don't care anymore. :)

tal

unstopableravens

i have thought the same thing there are alot of things that i wish i could have done example play high school sports and beyond minors or whatever ,but i have my son and if anything happened different he would not be here .so that is not something i would trade for sports or anything else

OnTheWayOut

I don't dwell on the what-if scenario. Sure, I would change a bunch of stuff, but it's just fantasy. And then when you share it with loved ones, they say "You never would have met me" or "I never would have been born" or "You might be dead if..."

But I did a do-over once, just now. I typed a completely long answer about doing over from a point in my life, and decided not to post it so I deleted and started again.

tec

I have two do-overs (that would not affect me having had my children, and I think that is the main reason we avoid saying we would do something over).

The first: I would have taken my son out of his school in grade one, because of the teacher he had. This is not mom overprotectiveness. I failed to protect him from a teacher who really did set his mind against school and teachers from that day forward. She left him crying in the hall one day for two hours, and when I came to get him, said that he was being a crybaby. She told me that he should not be friends with his little friend, because they held hands (boys) and were too close and it was unhealthy. When I complained to the principal, she changed her story and said that the boys had kissed. A blatant lie that I asked my son about (in a non-chalant way to be sure he would just answer at ease)... but also a lie because she never brought it up to me... and all besides the point because had it been two little girls who gave one another a kiss, no one would have batted an eye. This was a catholic school with an older, and angry, catholic teacher. Many parents complained about this teacher. I did take him out of school and told him he would not have to go back. But no other school would take him mid-year because the funding had already gone to that school, and so I (thought I) had no choice but to send him back. I should have fought harder, but I wasn't much of a fighter then. So not only was he subjected to that awful woman, but he also had trust in me shattered, because I sent him back. So many problems snow-balled from this. So yeah, that would be a do-over on my behalf, big time.

My other do-over is far too personal to put on here. But that one is not 'unrecoverable'. Good can still come from the bad, and has.

Peace,

tammy

elderelite

I would be single

00DAD

I agree that "Do-overs" are tricky for precisely the reasons you mentioned: If we didn't do one particular thing that had bad results, then we also wouldn't have a lot of the good things that came about as a result of that same decision or action.

That being said, I do have one and only one: I would not have "confessed" to the elders seeking their "help."

Lesson learned: The elders are NOT your friend!

ÁrbolesdeArabia

Great question, I think I would have stayed a student for fifteen years getting two phDs or something.

Hortensia

I'd take that scholarship opportunity and go to college. It was for a Ph.D. program in 5 years.

Oh well, here I am 44 years later. I haven't done so badly but a better education would have eased the way for me. And maybe I would have seen the light sooner.