Sometimes I think about stuff I read in Watchtower literature and wonder if it would be received differently if it was just like, one guy with a Bible, ranting as he paced back and forth amongst the JWs. Here's how I think it would go:
"It's abundantly clear that Jesus selected ME to be his channel of communication with mankind. Don't you see the proof? If you want to follow Jesus, you MUST obey ME! By obeying ME, you show that you accept God's way of ruling. So why are you questioning me, as if you think you know more than me? You may think I made some mistakes in the past, but isn't it possible that you're just getting too full of yourself, too full of pride? Are you no longer willing to eat the spiritual food I give you? Think of all the trust God has given me. He has given me the commission to preach the good news, and I have done it! I am also overseeing every Kingdom Hall on Earth. I make these meetings possible, and every year I work hard to prepare the conventions and assemblies that teach you how to follow my example of humility and faith. Here's how it works: I lead, and you follow my lead.
"But I digress. Don't you look forward to when I help Jesus make sure your sins are forgiven over the course of a thousand years? The good thing is, if you obey me now, it's training you for the time when you will obey me forever! I will rule over you, just as lovingly and faithfully as I am now! Isn't that wonderful?
"Some who used to be amongst us have left, and now they think they can say bad things about me. But they're lying. And if you listen to them, you might stop believing in me. And whatever good intentions you may have will come to nothing on that day. If you don't accept that God chose me to lead his one true religion, you die. It's that simple. You don't want to die, do you? Of course you don't! You love God! And since you love God, you'll obey me!
"The interesting thing is, some people think that others who say they're anointed should have a say in what's taught. Well, sorry, but that's not what the Bible teaches. It's evident that I am the one who was appointed to teach you the truth. And you know what? I love that fact. I really do. This actually puts you guys in a pretty good position. You get to be slaves under my direction, rather than more like the luggage or the tupperware in Jesus' house like you used to be. How great is that?
"So, that said, the elders I have put in your congregations--they need to obey me, and when they do, you better obey them. Follow simple directions, just like children. Or else be spanked. Like bad children, who deserve to be disciplined. You don't want to be bad children, do you? No, you don't. You want to be good children. Good slaves. Good workers, who will receive your reward, and your freedom, all in due time. Isn't it wonderful, that I have helped you into the light of truth? Yes, it is. So be happy about it! And continue obeying me without question, while keeping your eyes simple and focused on the reward."
...I wonder if JWs would still soak it in if this is how it was presented to them? Maybe only if they were completely isolated from the rest of the world, in a compound [*cough* like at Warwick *cough* *cough*], could that work. Presentations at the doors would get weird, too:
"How are you today? We're letting our neighbors know that the faithful and discreet slave is going to rule the world soon. Why don't you join us at the Kingdom Hall today to learn more about your future rulers? Or would you prefer to die, you and your offspring of fornication, at Armageddon? Just think of how your baby's eyes will rot out of its sockets, and after we've swept up your bones, we'll sweep up hers. And then we'll move into your house. Why put yourself through that, or worse still, live on for a few years longer in this system, completely ignorant of everything about God and the Bible like the rest of your illiterate neighbors, watching your daughter grow up to be a crack-addict, an HIV-positive whore who bows down to pagan idols, worships the demons and seeks nothing but how to fill her immodest, surgically-enhanced bra with more cash she just stole from her latest 'client'? Really, your fate would better be served by just joining us now while there's still time. We can't guarantee your safety otherwise."
Well, that's enough out of me. As a bonus, I'm throwing in a prayer to Black Jesus. I just had an urge to make a joke about Black Jesus today and didn't want to say it out loud, so:
"Black Jesus, prove you exist, and that despite all evidence that strongly points to your being of Jewish descent, and being a dead carpenter, may you roll up on these naysayers in your big-body Escalade, roll down your windows, and blast your gospel truth straight to the heads of all who doubt you. They may not wish to know you, but we do, Black Jesus. Save us all, and don't let the continued stereotypes about your people--who are more than two-thirds of a human in the eyes of the law, thankfully--get you too down. I know there are lot of angry black teens beating and robbing people, or sometimes just beating them and not even robbing them, and they may or may not have mothers that don't love them and fathers that don't even know they exist. But let that not be a reflection on the failure of your gospel, Lord. Let those poor souls whose mothers don't love 'em find You when they go to juvie or when they go to federal prison, and let them find a way to vote despite multiple recent felonies on their records. Most of all, forgive me if I have spoken too much about recent local news events that make me doubt your existence as much as the next randomly chosen person who is asked about you in a nationwide poll. A-men!"
--sd-7