Being a single Ex JDub

Cammi

Is it just me, or is it very difficult to be a single ex? There are questions boyfriends ask about my family, why I dont have contact with them, and what did I do to gain their utter disfavor? Why do I put up with what men tell me to believe? Where is my internal strength to stand up for what I believe is right and tell the family and former friends to kiss off? I cant do that. If it's in my power to maintain something of humanity, I will. Let them judge by the set of standard they believe in, but why judge me so harshly?

I just wondered if its just me, or if there are other single Ex JDubs with the same issues in relationships. Ive havent been able to keep a boyfriend for longer than a few months. Inevitably, its not anything personal, he just believes I hide something deeper than a religious disagreement with my family and old friends.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

SYN

It is pretty hard. Dealing with family issues like that is a major mission...

"...the greater will be the beneficial effect, because you get more of the ultra-violet rays, which are healing" - The Golden Age
[SYN], UADA - Unseen Apostate Directorate of Africa.

dmouse

Oh Cammi. I feel for you. It's very difficult for someone who has never experienced the JW mindset to understand.

That's why we here band together on this board.
We share something...something that no-one else can understand unless they too have been through the experience.

You DO have inner strength Cammi, you have the strength to forgive your family and friends even though they treat you so badly. Only you, and people who have experienced the same rejections, can know why they do this and overcome the hurt in the name of humanity.

It's hard to be an ex, let alone a single ex. But I know from this one post that you are a good person, I sense it. You will triumph in the end.

Welcome to the board,
Dean.

refiners fire

Inevitably, its not anything personal, he just believes I hide something deeper than a religious disagreement with my family and old friends.

Surely your boyfriends dont break up with you for this reason.
Because they think you are concealing a dark secret.

DanTheMan

I think that trust is a major issue for ex-dubs. Being in the borg is nothing short of being in an abusive relationship. Spiritual abuse is something that I think the psychiatric world needs to examine more. Have you ever talked with Marilyn on the 1-800-why1914 helpline? She is an ex-dub who is now a professional counselor. She helped me through my disassociation. Great lady! Certainly she had some fine, timely counsel. hahahaha

Beans

I think that when people find out about our past we believe that they automatically think your wierd. I have thought about that alot and I have come to a conclusion that most people don`t know much about the religion that we were once involved in and view it just as another faith that they don`t want to be a part of and know nothing about.

So I don`t think that your men are really concerned with this at all! I tell people that my parents are JW`s and that I am not! The rest they will never understand unless they get to know you over a longer period of time.

Beans

chezza

Hi Cammi, your not alone there, i am lucky enough to have a wonderful man in my life who loves me to bits, but,he still has issues with what i believed in, but my brother has been single for a long time, he is really good looking but cant seem to get a real girlfriend who will stick by him, i think his problem is he tells everyone what he was and they think wierdo here, my advice to you is not to tell them what you were but rather let them see what you have become

Cammi

I posted here this morning because a very nice man whom I have just started dating expressed his "reservations" about my disconnect with my family. Through my single life and ex Jdub life, I have vascillated between laying it all out on the table, and revealing only necessary details. This one asked for it all on the table. Now that I am quite tired of investing any emotion to have it all bite me in the back side, I decided to lay it all out on the line. No investment as of yet, so, what is there to lose? So its all out there. I was in the chat room with friends, and had to disconnect when this same man called my cell to let me know he got the email, and was quite impressed with how I handled his inquiry, as well as handle life such as this on a daily basis without shifting blame. This was my decision (leaving the dubs), and I will stand by it. Guess there is something to be said about honesty after all?
Thank you all for your input. I look forward to seeing how this thread may progress, and look forward to chating with you in the room. This is still a very tough situation. I cant remember who posted the reply that leaving the Dubs is like leaving an abusive relationship, but you are absolutely right. Trusting anyone isnt easy for those of us who have been betrayed by everyone we know and love. Thank you again for your advise.

larc

Cammi,

You can have your friend come visit us here, and we can tell him what the real deal is. Plus, he can read the many stories on the Who's Who site at the bottom of this page and draw his own conclusions regarding the validity of your postion and point of view. I think the whole experience will take his breath away.

refiners fire

I suppose the real issue is whether You have an issue with your past.
If someones going out with you and its clear that you have a lot of painfull unresolved issues still to deal with, I guess it could make them run away pretty quick.

Being a single Ex JDub

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