Thanks for the welcome guys. Here's a little back story:
Unfortunately, I have been baptized in the faith since I was 12, so there isn't much room to beg off as Jgnat would suggest I do. I gave up going to college in favor of pioneering, with the support of both of my parents, and pretty much have dedicated my whole life around this organization--with the doubts already culminating in my head. As I said, I've been reading on this site and other "apostate" sites for some time now--at least three or four years--and actually went through a period of time where I was going to the meetings and expressed my disbelief in the organization or in GOD period, obviously something my family wasn't happy about.
What happened about a year ago is that I realized that I was going to lose my family, and most of my friends, and this made me very depressed. So I resolved to come back to the organization and in my opinion come to back to Jehovah, even though I had already read so many things about the scandals, and the misinterpretations of the bible, and the dishonesty in general. I figured maybe Satan was just blinding me into believing these things, and for a time I did feel happier when I started going back to the meetings and turning my life around.
Now I'm in my fourth month of pioneering, and I feel like a complete and utter fraud because I'm just not certain about anything anymore, but I don't want to lose the relationships I have. I see the contradictions in the congregation, and I don't feel like any holy spirit is there, but it seems like I don't have anywhere else to turn right now.
As my username states....I'm beyond confused. >.<
Eitherway, thanks again guys. Hopefully something will click.