"I don't want to be in the same congregation as my adult children."

by compound complex 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  compound complex

  Greetings:

  I didn't know how to word a question briefly enough to fit the title box.

  Going back to the time you attended meetings (perhaps you still do), if you are the parent of adult JW children, did you feel there was entirely too much closeness and undue involvement with your offspring, especially if in the same congregation? Personally, I would want my children to interact with others and develop relationships outside my purview. This is inside or outside the Kingdom Hall, which, at one time, was our all-in-all venue.

  There are at least 3 to 4 generations of families at our KHs.

  Thoughts, please, on giving your adult children space whether you are still or no longer a Witness.

  Gratefully,

  CoCo Retreats
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  ruderedhead

  I know that in the couple of congregations I was in, both had families with multilple generations. All very nice people, but very tight knit. And these were the families that seemed to "move up the ladder" a bit more quickly than others. Eventually, as the people were redistributed in the first cong. via orders from above, some of these families had to go to other congregations. But they were all close by, and I didn't hear of anyone having too much of a problem. All were well known in the circuit.

  In the second congregeation, however, the women who had their mother there seemed to be calling the shots. Even tho hubby could be an elder in another congregation where there weren't enough, some girls wouldn't leave Mom. Needed her help with the kids, etc. Even tho they were nice people, ones who needed Mommy for help received no sympathy from a Mom who was there alone with 4 kids and no help.
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  compound complex

  Great observations, ruderedhead.

  I imagine it can go both ways. Those I know are, likewise, nice people. IMHO, however, adult children need freedom from real or imagined ongoing scrutiny. It's difficult not to see and, then, comment upon what our children do.

  Thanks!

  CoCo
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  Honeybucket

  The KH I attended, there was my M-I-L and my grandmother. Those are the only witnesses in my family that are active. They have been in the same hall since the beginnning of time. I delt with alot of my family either venting or blabbing about our personal issues to others in the hall. Since gossiping is their favorite past time before you know it, everyone knows about every little argument, bowel movement, and itch you have. I finally got to the point that I straight up refused to attend meeting in the same hall as them. And if someone asked I told them the truth. I find it funny though, all of these issues especially with my mo in law had been the biggest factor in me searching for the TTATT. I wonder if she knew this, would she feel blood guilty??
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  tiki

  nepotism rules supreme for starters....and (imho) kids get married way too young and do not have the skillset or maturity to deal with a marriage, so move in with mama and papa and the daughters especially will tend to hang on to mama for dear life - esp after a baby comes along. so many times the young couple has no means of support as they haven't yet grown up and learned a trade or been sufficiently schooled, so living with family is an escape route from financial responsibility. and on and on it goes.........and these poor kids that get married like that nine times out of ten are miserable once the initial high of sex wears off.....if they ever even experience it...................and are clueless sad to say........
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  compound complex

  Thank you, Honeybucket and tiki, for letting us in on what you've seen and experienced.

  Children need to escape the nest totally and parents have to let go. I'm a fine one to talk though! I've been a rescuer as well as a rescuee. We should be there for our family, but allowing for personal space and a level of detachment.

  It's one thing in theory, another in practice . . .

  Your comments are appreciated!

  CoCo
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  compound complex
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  compound complex

  Well, the statement doesn't seem to be working.

  Let's see . . . a question, then?

  Do you give your children space?

  I sure would like to hear more on this.

  Thanks.

  CC
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  flipper

  COMPOUND COMPLEX- Hello ! Yeah, I'd pretty much say I give my adult JW daughters their space with their JW husbands- considering I haven't done anything socially in 9 years with them ! LOL ! That being said even my son who is not a JW - he and his girlfriend live about an hour and a half away so we see each other once a month or once every two months. We talk on the phone probably once a week at least, sometimes twice a week. But all 3 of my children are in their mid to late 20's so I think it's good for them to develop other adult friendships and so I'm definitely not a smothering parent, but my son and I are closer than brothers. Which in part may be a result of me letting him live his life independently to make his own decisions- yet I'm always here if he needs me for anything. Adult parents gotta let the young eagles fly out of the nest ! Peaceout, Mr. Flipper
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  BluesBrother

  Of course it is sensible ..but :

  1) It sure helps if you have two or three elders from the same family, block voting on issues at elder's meetings.

  2) Some congregations are antagonistic if you turn up at their Hall and live out of their territory. They label you as a troublesome person who disobeys The Society's instructions