diary

DanTheMan

Today was really rough. Feelings of suicide. Feelings of maybe I've made a big mistake in leaving. Some reassurance/support would be nice right now. I feel like I need to be a part of a Christian organization, but I have no idea where to go. So many Christian groups in the U.S. lean towards fundamentalism and legalism, I never want to fall into that trap again. I want to find a church where the people are friendly, the message is positive, and I'm not asked to give my whole life to the movement. Another question - I never even started looking at the "apostate" stuff on the web until 2 weeks ago. To those of you who have been out for a while, is the voice growing louder, or has it been like this for a while?

TR

Hi Dan.

Maybe you should do some church-hopping. Go to a different church each week until you find something you like.

TR

IslandWoman

Hi Dan,

I disassociated myself in late 1999 and went online about a year later. It's hard! But don't despair, it does get better. My advice would be to take some time off from thinking about religious concerns, even if it's just for a few weeks. We enjoy the beach and parks in our area, if there is some hobby or activity you enjoy get to it!

Pray to God for peace. My sister (also a former JW) has found a small church where she feels at home and needed. I believe if that's what you would like, you too will find one. In the mean time, get strong.

Hoping all the best for you!
IW

Nikita

Dan,

Hi! I'm new here, but I've been out for 16 years now! I remember feeling as you do right now! I can remember the first time I stepped foot in a church with a new friend-it was a Catholic church-and I still had all the baggage from my JW past. You most likely will have those types of issues when you first start attending a church, just remember "baby steps". Keep on searching the Bible for yourself, and decide what it is that is most important to you about a fellowship you would want to be involved with. It will get easier with the passage of time and as you make new friends. Hang in there!

Nikita

cellomould

Dan,

It is natural that you would have such feelings upon leaving. I am fairly confident, however, that your curiosity and wonder were key factors in your exit.

Don't lose your sense of wonder.

Being sad is healthy, but refuse to stew on things that aren't helping you to heal. Get up and get out.

I regret so many times lying in bed overcome with sadness when I could have taken my contemplation to some peaceful spot and enjoyed my solitude.

cellomould

"Money walks through the door, and memory flies out the window" Dream Theater, 6:00

mouthy

Dan I know just what your feeling- When they kicked me out( cos I didnt believe Jesus came invisably in 1914) I too had suicide thoughts. But I suggest you do as someone else suggested ( I forgot who)I did go visit other churches each week. You will see lots you dont agree with.But I do like the saying "Dont look for a perfect Church because the minit I go to it -yes! it is imperfect cos I,m there)One of them sang Happy Birthday to some one in the cong: another church had some kids do some magic act( little kids)another had a big set of Nut crackers on the alter- & all the kids ( about 50 of them went up with banks in the shape of nuts- & cracked them open- the money rolled all over the alter( the money was to help the poor)
I left thinking "Oh there is no where to go" Hey! you know what?That is a true statement - It is to Christ you should go..He has teachings of life.I do still go to differant churches& have made so many friends who love me UNconditionally- hang in bud-It gets better.I am happier now than I have ever been & I,m 74 yrs young....Love ya.

trudy

Hello Brother Dan,
My advice is to get your hands on a Concordance.
Look up the word, "TRUTH"
DO this while asking Jehovah God in prayer to help
you find the truth.
Make the truth your own after finding out what the
'truth' is.
A hint, "Your WORD is Truth."
stick to him, for God said,'This is my son, the beloved,
LISTEN to him."

Read (John 14:6)
(John14:15) "If you love me, you will observe my
commandments."
"If you remain in union with me and my sayings remain
in union with you, ask what ever you wish and it will take
place for you."
(verse 10)"If you ovserve m commandments, you will
remain in my love, just as I have observed the commandments
of the Father and remain in his love."

OR do we observe the commandments of men and false doctrines?
Do we partake of the emblems? Christ commanded his disciples
to do so, and later he commanded them to teach others to
do what he commanded them to do.
How many times have we heard this before?
"Go, therefore, and make disciples of people of all the
nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the
Son and the holy spirit, TEACHING THEM TO OBSERVE ALL THE
THINGS I COMMANDED YOU!!"
When I realized I personally needed to listen and obey,
my partaking of the emblems did not make the "Elders of
the JW.cong. happy. Why is this?
And I could no longer preach two kinds of Christians, two
kinds of hopes, earthly and heavenly.
I found their idea of The Kingdom message is not the
same one Christ taught, or his Apostles.

And yet, Jesus said,(Rev. 2:25-26)
"HOLD FAST WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL I COME."
"And to him that conquers and observes my deeds down to the
end, I will give authority over the nations,"

What did they have? What gospel did they have?
(Rev. 3:3) "Therefore, CONTINUE mindful of HOW you
recieved and how you heard, and go on keeping [it]
and repent, Certainly unless you wake up, I shall
come as a theif and you will not know at what
hour I shall come upon you."

(Rev. 3:7-11)"These are the things he says who is holy,
who is true, who has the key of David, who opens so that
no one can shut and shuts that no one opens."
"I know your deeds, Look! I have set before you an opened
door whichno one can shut, that you have a little
power, and you kept my word and did not prove false to my
name (Christian), Look, I will give those from the synagogue
of Satan who say they are Jews and yet they are not but are
lying,Look! I will make them come and do obesience
before your feet and make them know I have loved you.
you kept the word about my endurance, I will also keep you
from the hour of test which is to come upon the whole inhabited
earth, to put a test upon those dwelling on the earth."
"I am coming quickly, Keep on holding fast what you have,
that no one may take your crown."

(Rev.3:20)"Loook! I am standingat the door and knocking.
If ANYONE hears my voice and opens the door, I will come
into his [house] and take the evening meal with him and he
with me."
"To the one that conquers, I will grant to sit down with
me on my throne, even as I conquered and sat down with
with my Father on his throne."
I realized that what they had back then was enough truth
until Christ comes. They had the words of Jesus and his
apostles.

So draw close to God, make him your rock, your stronghold.
The organization is not God.
Love all those hating you, pray for them that they too may
listen to the Son of God.
Perhaps, in time, we may make a difference.
Remember, you are not alone.
But as the disciples told Jesus,
"TO WHOM do we go? YOu have the sayings of life."
Notice they did not say, 'where do we go' but
to WHOM do we go?

May Jehovah God be with you in your studies.

Love in Christ,
Trudy

trudy

A good place to find fellowship is here.
This x-JW used to partake while in the org.
and has been out for a long time.
He studies Greek etc and provides alot of good
material to help us study.
He also provides a chat group you can join.

It is called, Friends of the Nazerene
Don't worry, it is not the church 'Friends of the
Nazerine'
I'll find the link for you later.

Mouthy, I liked your post!
E-mail me!

Love,
Trudy

trudy

Friends,

Here is the address to Friends of the Nazerene

http://www.nazarene-friends.org/

Why not find the chat room and join?

we'll be watching for you.

P.s. I will be gone until the 3rd of April so I
will not be able to reply to your posts if anyone
would like to e-mail me.

Trudy

flower

Hi Dan,

I know how youre feeling and its hard but leaving was not a mistake. You'll see that it gets better and it'll end up being the best decision you ever made. Putting together some kind of meaningful spiritual life after being a jw is very difficult. This is something I am just learning myself as I only within the past few months learned the things you are reading about now. But its all coming together for me already and you will find the peace you are looking for eventually.

Personally, I havent started looking for a place or group to worship. I consider myself a Christian but I dont go to church. I just decided after the religious brainwashing and abuse that we went through I just need to take some time off from organized religion to get rid of some of the leftover stuff from the jw's. I still pray and believe strongly in God but I havent felt ready to tackle all the questions I have about the bible and Christianity. I feel like eventually I want to be a part of something but I'm not sure what yet.

Just realize that there is no rush. There is no rule that says you HAVE to be part of organized religion to live as a Christian. If you are anything like me then you are probably having trouble differentiating between the God of the JW's that we have come to know and fear our whole lives the real God. The thing I've tried to do is remember that the JW god Jehovah is not real. Its a figment of the old men in Brooklyns twisted imaginations. Everything they ever taught me about God I am trying to release. All I am keeping at this point is the fact that I can pray to Him and be heard and that he knows and is interested in all of us. I dont know anything else (dont even know that for sure) and I'm not ready to learn and I think He understands that.

Hope you feel better and hope you will enjoy searching and learning. DOnt let it stress you, you are free now to find whats best for you. Not bondage no chains.

flower

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