5 stages of dealing with TTATT?

by El_Guapo 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  El_Guapo

  Thanks to this website and JWFacts, I have come to learn the "infamous" TTATT.

  I've had soooo many emotions the last couple months.

  (FYI: I've been baptized since '95 third gen JW, elder father and every other member of my family is a regular pioneer)

  I was wondering, like dealing with greif : Are there 5 stages for dealing with TTATT?
• 

  Dagney

  ABSOLUTELY! It is a tremendous loss...loss of belief, loss of family and friends, anger at oneself, anger at the WBTS...it goes on and on.
• 

  00DAD

  Yes, and they don't necessarily come in order.
• 

  rip van winkle

  I do think the model of 5 stages of grief over death can also be applied to TTATT.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
     Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. Denial can be conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage.
  2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
     Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief.
  3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
     The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..." People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.
  4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
     During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation.
  5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
     In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Except for the bargaining part. I would also say that I didn't go through a depression- it's more like having the blues, compounded with substance abuse- but not depression.
• 

  goatshapeddemon

  Absolutely. I wasn't right for probably two years.

  But there's a difference - once you get through the grieving process, it's not just acceptance. It's happiness and freedom.
• 

  NeverKnew

  RVW, how long were you in? AND, if you took the substances, could they have masked your stages?

  Or are you equating the feeling with being on substances....
• 

  tootired2care

  I think so. I left cold turkey 7 months ago, and I seem to be going through the anger and depression phase simultaneously right now. I think most of my anxiety stems from having to pretend around our parents. I'm fixing to tell them in a few weeks.

  @goats - I'm glad to hear that you felt right after two years that gives me hope!
• 

  Dagney

  Acceptance is really the key. Everything gets better when you do that. A huge relief.
• 

  rip van winkle

  NeverKnew- I'm still IN. 20 years.

  When someone dies grief follows. As OODad said- it's not necessarily in the above order. I will add- a person doesn't necessarily have to go through all the stages.

  For me, my grief for my loved one was delayed due to other circumstances. I wasn't in denial, I just didn't have the "luxury" to be able to grieve my loss, as soon after a loss of a diferent kind occurred and I was occupied with that for over 1 year.

  As for dealing with TTATT- it's a process. It's loss. With loss comes grief.

  The thing that disturbed me more than anything was the realization that I would NEVER SEE my dead loved ones again. That hurt and still hurts me more than all the other lies that Jehovah's Witnesses teach.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Where's LeavingWT? I think he had a great list similar to this some time ago.

  Doc