I would try not going to the gym anymore but I've tied it in with my sobriety now. If I don't get a really hard workout I start to feel like I need a drink. We went on a cruise a few years ago and without the equipment I had a real hard time not drinking so I had to swim laps until I just about passed out. It can also happen when we are with her friends. She'll stop talking to a friend she thinks pays me too much attention. Our youngest just went into full day school so I think that she's at a bit of a crossroads in her life. She'll say "I feel like I've wasted my life having not gone to school or worked." We have really great kids so that's not the case at all. Right now she plans on going to community college which I think may help quite a bit. I couldn't imagine just hanging around an empty house all day. I'd get stir crazy.
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin 50 Replies latest social relationships
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ballistic
CADSkin, are you sure the drinking was not to do with boredom and exercise is mearly keeping you too busy?
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cognac
So out of all the suggestions, are you going to implement any of them?
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Lozhasleft
Why not encourage her to go back to college as a mature student? You could share the childcare and her confidence would grow.
Loz x
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CADSkin
"CADSkin, are you sure the drinking was not to do with boredom and exercise is mearly keeping you too busy? and did you not have children?" I mainly started drinking when I was in a band. Paid in beer. When I stopped drinking, I couldn't sleep at night and I'd grit my teeth and toss and turn. Many addicts use substitution to a new addiction. This is just more healthy but no less an addiction as I have to go 7 days a week. I have 3 kids and I checked out of my life. I just drank and she took control of raising the kids. I was killing myself, no doubt about it and not slowly. She had to deal with a husband who was non-existent and yet always there. We've always been very close and if I'm not working we're together and playing with the kids. I know she has a lot of hostility towards me for my past actions and I accept total fault for that. Through therapy I found I had an obsessive disorder that made me want to die. It all stemmed from the feeling as a kid that I wasn't going to make it into the new system because I was a bad kid (8) so I just needed to die and be ressurected as a loophole to Armageddon. Tried killing myself at 12 and a bunch of times since. JW's can really screw a person up. My personal growth has been a long journey that thankfully I can now say I'm a much better person.
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LostGeneration
Not a female, but you might check out this site/book...
If you are highly divergent with your sex ranks (you are an "8" she is a "6" or lower, you are going to have a lot of problems in your marriage until things even out. That means she is gonna have to pull herself up, or you are gonna have to become a fatass again.
You might also review how hypergamy plays a part in the attention you are getting from other females and how your wife reacts to it.
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CADSkin
So out of all the suggestions, are you going to implement any of them? Of course. I'm just trying to give the whole story without writing a book. I'm not being dismissive but trying to give more focus to the picture so people can better understand where I'm coming from.
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CADSkin
^^I'll check that website out. Thanks.
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cognac
Oh, good! To go along with what Coffee said, these women ARE NOT being kind to you or your wife especially. If I were you, I'd never say these women are kind to your wife... She could very well take that as you are not on her side...
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LisaRose
It sounds like you are doing all the right things, this is something your wife needs to work on. She is insecure about her looks and so she is jealous of other women. Unless you are encouraging these women, it's not your problem. Continue to flirt with and complement her, but don't push her to join a gym, that just makes her feel that she isn't good enough for you. Do continue family activities that will help you all be fit and healthy. Don't stop going to the gym, that is the worst thing you can do. My husband and I do date night. Sometimes date night is a Netflix movie and pizza, but it's date night every Friday. I highly recommend this for all married couples, especially if you have children. If you cannot afford a babysitter, find a family that you can exchange babysitting services with.