The stench of Amateur Bible auto-didacts! (page 5)

jgnat

Each time I attended one (i.e baptist, lutheran, presbyterian), and maybe this was just by chance, they acknowledged that they did not alone of total truth - Christ Alone

Perhaps you've managed to miss a Southern Baptist church, then.

jgnat

The differences in orthodox Christianity is usually very slight. - Christ Alone

I'll tell you a story my pastor passed on to my congregation. He was part of a multi-faith group of Christian pastors began to meet regularly to pray for the city. They developed a great affinity for each other and began to talk about perhaps having a wider inter-faith meeting of their congregations. This is when it broke down. One denomination offered communion on Easter Sunday. Another offered every week but NEVER on Easter Sunday. Another, monthly. Another, wafers and wine, another, crackers and grape juice. They could not agree on the specifics. In broad brush-strokes they agreed. It was in the details they broke down.

Terry

I only went to church once as a kid and it was the First Church of the Nazarene.

Yikes! Strict and drab and colorless and humorless and boring. But, I got to color Jesus green.

No piano for singing. A capella only. Off key only, too.

No dancing. I imagine no screwing either. These fine people didn't quite look human.

That one experience was enough to keep me from being saved until I was baptised

at the Cleburne Tx assembly two days after JFK was shot.

Years later, the only church I've been in was the Broadway Baptist (huge) church because

I got tired of being invited over and over and over again by a friend.

I was sent to the Christian Singles room.

Strangers entered and began hugging me. I was creeped out. I hate intimate contact with strangers. You can catch stuff, ya know!

We "shared". I hate sharing. I'm an only child.

I soon realized I was the (pardon the hubris) most conversant bible-banging-bubba in the group. So, I shared.

I enlightened. I made stuff up. I winged it and double-shuffled. It was impressive. Especially to me! I didn't know half that stuff before

I started sharing it!!

I was approached by a young woman who told me she wanted me to meet a friend of hers who was not there. I expected it to be the Holy Ghost or something

wacky like that. But, no--it was a single lady who would be "just perfect for me." Wow, talk about service!

Arrangements were made.

I met her the next day when she came to the Art Gallery I was managing.

We chatted.

She seemed very interested! Very.

She invited me to her house that evening. Yep. She was interested allright.

I stupidly brought over a bottle of wine as a gift. I didn't know Baptists DO NOT DRINK!!

We ended up finishing the bottle! She cooked spaghetti. Delicious!

She probably had never tasted alcohol before.

I say that because I think Satan used that as an opportunity to enter unto her.

I know I sure did!

She and I went together for about six months. Then, she bugged out because a friend of mine and myself

were given a ride by her in her car and somebody in the church saw her with TWO MEN! She was gossiped about and

she had to clear her good name.

Sigh.

Those were the days, my friends--those were the days.

cofty

jgnat - I heard about a church that split over whether or not the communion cup should have handles.

Band on the Run

I studied English history b/c of the legal connection and my girlish attraction to anything dealing with Henry VIII. Oh, I am Anglican by conversion.

The Tudor religious wars were very bloody. Normal people, tradesmen, farmers could be executed for having a rosary or not having a rosary. People were burned alive over such essential matters as whether or stand or kneel during prayer. The battles were dispersed over the country side so people's legal religion would depend on which side prevailed in the latest battle. If the news were slow in reaching the town, the people did not know which religion to choose to stay alive. Archaeologists have found secret hiding places for missals, and rosary beads.

I don't know if this is true but one of my profs said you had to marry within your denomination. A Baptist could not marry a Methodist.

Thomas More sounded so Humanist and the epitome of a common lawyer in A Man for All Seasons. Within the past few years, I saw The Tudors on SHO and read more Henry VIII themed books. Thomas Moore went out of his way to hunt down those who were not rah-rah Roman Catholic. He tortured them without mercy and then executed them. His death does not seem so tragic measured against a fully disclosed life.

Satanus

'Who is qualified to be an AUTHORITY on God, the Bible, interpretation (exegesis) or any "religious" subject???'

Since protestant theology isn't really 100% bible only, i think that the catholic, as in the newadvent online catholic encyclopedia would be in the playing field. Theology has proof texting to support belief structures that may be only suggested in the bible. The catholic uses more liberty to do similar. As well, the catholic church has centuries of experience under it's generous belt.

S

Satanus

Btw, i think that the diy attitude is a virtue, in many fields, maybe not all.

S

Satanus

Diyers shouldn't be teaching others, though.

S

Terry

You seem to believe "religion is the opiate of the people." You have claimed several times that God is a construct of the human mind specifically evolved to tackle fear of death, no?

God for me would be the most esthetic of all beings with such a gentle nature no violent act would ever take place in a universe of his/her/its creation!

It would be impossible to not know or love this sort of deity.

Instead? We're stuck with a being sort of like 3 in 1 oil who drowns millions of people and sets in motion flesh-eating predators upon gentle leaf eaters.

Nah--don't want that one!

If I'm going to believe in god it is going to be a far far nicer one than the christian howler in the skies.

zed is dead

For Ucantnome:

"The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing" - Frank Zappa

Some take the bible
For what it's worth
When it says that the meek
Shall inherit the Earth
Well, I heard that some sheik
Has bought New Jersey last week
'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin'

Is Hare Rama really wrong
If you wander around
With a napkin on
With a bell on a stick
An' your hair is all gone...
(The geek shall inherit nothin')

You say yer life's a bum deal
'N yer up against the wall...
Well, people, you ain't even got no
Deal at all
'Cause what they do
In Washington
They just takes care
of NUMBER ONE
An' NUMBER ONE ain't YOU
You ain't even NUMBER TWO

Those Jesus Freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
An' they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothin'
(So whaddya do)
Eat that pork
Eat that ham
Laugh till ya choke
On Billy Graham
Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham...
They're all a waste of time
'N it's yer ass that's on the line
(IT'S YER ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE)

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up
Your neighbor's thrill
'N when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a little tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip. . .
SOME TAKE THE BIBLE. . .
(Aw gimme a half a dozen for the hotel room!)

The stench of Amateur Bible auto-didacts!

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