Don't have the heart to turn the old sister away in person, gonna write a letter instead.

by Joliette 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  Joliette

  Right now it is 5:41am here in Milwaukee, I cannot sleep and it is utter torture. UGH!

  I have to be at work at 3pm today, and I cannot sleep. Slept all day, and finally woke up at 5 o'clock and started cleaning apartment. Work up at 10:00am but went back to sleep. Cleaned a good portion of my apartment but still got a lot more to go. Well, gonna start my story out like this: Everyone knows my life story, I think I posted it on here, never got baptised, but went to the kingdumb hell on a regular basis until I was 27 (I am 29 now). Everything about the kingdom hall influenced my life; now I am trying to look at the world without being influenced by the watchtower. This sister (she's in her late 50's) that used to study with me, still stops by trying to give me watchtowers and awakes. I accept but I do not read them. I thought about telling her no to her face but I do not want to offend her. She might break down crying. She is a very loyal and brainwashed JW's and she's been a pioneer for years (I'm talking since the 70's). Years. She was so sweet to me when she studied with me. Treated me like a kid even though I was a grown ass woman and should have been conducting my own studies. (HAHAHA). She stopped by my house last week Friday and gave me a watchtower and awake, December 2012. I was looking at both of the magazines and couldnt help but to think: WE ARE ACTUALLY IN 2012. ILL BE 30 NEXT YEAR. MY PARENTS ARE NOW GRANDPARENTS. THE NEST IS EMPTY. BOTH OF MY BROTHERS HAVE MOVED ON WITH THEIR LIVES AND HAVE THEIR OWN PLACES. I would have thought the world was gonna be destroyed by now (as a kid, thinking back to 1988 and beyond).

  Well, basically this older witness stop by my house and I do not have the heart to tell her no to her face. So I decided I'm going to write a letter and basically tell her that I have NO INTREST in going back to the KH. Ever. There is not one thing in the world that will make me go back. The main reason why I stopped going was because of the child abuse and child mantipulation, blood tranfusion issue, generation and overall doctrine changes, etc. But I'm not gonna mention this specific-wise in the letter, gonna be as indirect as possible while being direct at the same time. I've learned that there is a certain way that you have talk to j-dubs. You can't give them the raw facts, they'll think that your satan; you can't be too offensive, but at the same time, you have to be CLEAR ON THINGS. If I keep letting her come by and drop off magazines, I'm saying that esstentially: the watchtower is okay, the religion is okay, and IT IS NOT OKAY!!!!! The watchtower is a harmful corporation that has harmed thousands upon thousands of lives, and I will let her know that I do not agree with the corporation and/or organizational policies. I'm also writing a letter to my parent' s congo letting them know that I do not like the way my parents are being treated in their congregation.

  Besides that, my mom texted me tonight and tell me that the girl that was working for her (my mom works from home) is talking to a 21 year old man and she is seventeen!!! My mom talked to the elders about it tonight. Theres a little bit of drama in my mom's congo about this, and everyone is saying that my mom shoulda went to her mom, FIRST!!!

  Does anyone have any pointers as to what I should say in the letter to sister old pioneer???
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  rip van winkle

  Be honest. Be tactful. Be kind. Be firm. You can thank her for her time, her concern and care for you.

  It is up to you how much info you want to share with her. You are not obligated to give a reason as to your decision. You do not owe an explanation for what you have decided. You are an adult. She is not your parent.

  Maybe others who have been in similar circumstances as you can offer better suggestions. Anyway, I hope you do not let this weigh so heavily on your shoulders. Rip the bandage off all at once.
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  tornapart

  You could tell her that it's nothing personal, that you like her and don't want to hurt her feelings. However you don't want to waste her time, that you don't actually read the magazines anymore and have no interest in them. That you don't agree with the doctrines or organisational policies which is why you stopped going years ago and you have no desire to return.

  btw... out of interest, what is the problem of a 17 year old talking to a 21 year old?
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  Finkelstein

  Be tactful and respectfully !
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  wasblind

  All of the above, It's a new year, and scince you have started it off bein' honest to yourself

  be honest in a respectful way to the sister

  The truth is , she probably don't read those mags either, and when she do , it's jus' before

  she marks them for the meetin'

  Like Rip said, thank her for her time care and concern, but you don't read them

  if she play the " Mother knows best " roll, let her know your a grown ass woman

  that jus' said no. There's no need for her to continue to treat you as if you were

  a child

  .
• 

  Pyramid Scheme

  Like it was said above- be honest, tactful, and firm. Also, I would take the lead in showing the love and kindness.

  She has been programmed to show love and concern by dropping off magazines to you and others. I don't doubt that she has sincere motives. I would choose my words based on what you ultimately want. Do you want anything further to do with Kind Old Sister Pioneer, or do you feel its better to not contact each other? I have found tremendous success by being happy, kind, and loving toward the JW's who try to encourage me - while I still have a lot of righteous indignation toward the organization, I have found that my inner peace of being free from the Borganization comes shining through in my deeds and actions. People back off when I tell them kindly and firmly that I am doing just fine, thank you.

  I would write a letter full of kindnesses, more kindnesses, than politely tell her if you ever decide to do anything, you know who to contact. You have family to get literature, so you could kindly tell her to save the magazines for others in the field.

  Just a couple of ideas - best wishes!!
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  ruderedhead

  Hope you are able to overcome your sleeping problems. Seems to be a lot of that going around.

  That said, I realize that at 29 someone in their late 50's might seem old to you, but SHE IS NOT OLD!!!! She is not some frail little 85 y.o., she is a mature woman who should be able to handle being told politely thank you, but I have no interest in the magazines any longer, I will contact you if I do. That is what I did to a woman about 10 years older than I who was very sweet and a long time pioneer and brought me mags about 1x/month. I am slightly over 50 and still have a 16 y.o.at home, my Mom is 76 & still works, my mother in law is 86 and walks to the store every day because she wants to. It will probably not be the first time someone has turned down her magazines, she will be disappointed, but I doubt she will be devastated.

  I hope things work out for your Mom. In some congregations,some of the women are like mean girls in high school. One tried to mess with me once. Didn't work out too well for her. Didn't care if she was an elders wife.

  Get some sleep!
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  tiki

  totally agree with tornapart. simple, honest.....no need for long detailed explanations - just clean, neat and short....but please do indicate that on a personal level you admire and respect her.
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  jgnat

  When you give a message with high emotional content, the kindest way is in person. That way she can see your eyes and hear your voice and know you mean it in the kindest way. I suggest the next time she comes with magazines, put your hand over hers, look her directly in the eye, and tell her that you know she means it in the best way but you do not want the magazines any more. If she wants to know why, she can read the letter in the sealed envelope that you hand her.

  If she wants to come over just for tea, she will always be welcome.

  If she protests in any way, ask her if she really wants to know the reasons? If she is fully indoctrinated but harbours doubts, she will say no and you won't have to explain yourself. If she says yes, she's given permission and she cannot protest later.
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  problemaddict

  Yeah give the old bird a break. It would honestly be better if you spoke to her in person. You are a grown woman who doesn't need to write a letter to communicate with someone. Tell her you appreciate what she does is out of concern for you, but you have no interest in the magazines. (you could just get them online if you had to). You are probably on her "magazine route" and it is habit.

  If you want to tell her why you can do so tactfully. You can say you do not believe it is scriptural for someone to act according to their conscience regarding something like blood, and be forced to be excommunicated because of it. That it seems unloving and unchristian. While you know she may not feel that way, you have to address the stated teachings of the organization, not just her....your friend.

  I think there is a way to get a couple little jabs in there. Maybe ask some parting questions. Then she won't be by anymore.

  But don't write a letter. Be a grown up and speak to her, look her in the eyes, and be kind.