by littlebigtown123 61 Replies latest social relationships
There seems to be a pattern and that pattern spells R U N !
I agree.
While I can understand saving the sexual act for after marriage, it seems to me to equate dating with marriage is basically a control ploy.
How on earth do you know you want to marry someone unless you date them and learn if you like them, much less love them?
Cults love to control the one thing that people deep down to NOT want controlled by anyone else, Sex and relationships.
If they can do that, they got you !
If you tell her you are posting on this site, it will end the relationship.
What does that tell you?
Welcome.
So sorry you find yourself attracted to some-one in this vile religion. For your own sanity walk away before it's too late. It would be terrible to see you posting here again in say 20 years time having got sucked in, desperately miserable and on anti-depressants unable to get out.
Forget her, forget us and get on with your life JW free.
If you go ahead to study and become part of this religion, you will become as paranoid about touch as she is. Why her hot/cold reaction? Fear out of disappointing her God. If you join the religion to get the girl, you will become as boring as that meeting you attended. Trim hair. Suited up. Tight collar. Chances are, you will end up being the kind of guy she is not attracted to.
I am afraid it is very hard to "fake" an interest in this religion to join, because the commitment is so high. You would be expected to go to all meetings (two a week), "study" the magazine weekly which consists of highlighting the correct answer, prepare talks and presentations (and don't think they'll give you anything original or creative for years), go out in field service knocking on doors weekly, and some other sundry responsibilities. Give up birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving celebrations.
They won't even let you join right away. You would be expected to study weekly with a "brother" for 6 months to a year, until they judge you ready.
In the meantime, if they get any whiff of interest between you two, cold water will be thrown on that, and your motivation for conversion will be questioned as well.
And you wonder why we call it a cult.
Sorry for saying this, but you don't really sound very mature yourself. I get it, you're attracted to the girl. Maybe she's pretty, maybe she's got a cute personality. Whatever. You sound like a 16 year old with puppy love.
You two are from different worlds and if you're going to turn a blind eye to all that, you're not being mature about it. The compatibility isn't there.
She's a JW. Until she leaves of her own terms, not because of you, she's not worth it.
First off, she's only 19. She's lived a sheltered life, not the social life of a normal teen. You are like the vampire or werewolf in those Twilight movies. The dangerous outsider and that's going to be excitement for her. The bad boy. Not that you're necessarily bad, but anyone outside the religion is portrayed that way.
Believe me, she's got lot of growing up to do if she ever leaves, and chances are part of that is going to be realizing there's a lot more guys than just you out there. She doesn't have just one guy on the outside to pick from that's pursuing her, now she can pursue anyone. And if you're falling in love, (again, sorry) I don't think you've got it all together emotionally either. So you're weak and she'll be looking for something more dangerous. So be prepared for hearbreak.
Or you could become a JW. What a wonderful life that would be... Devotion to the religion, door-knocking, giving up holidays and birthdays, lots of talks from the stage. You're already bored at meetings. You aren't the religious type. You won't fit in.
Find somebody else.
About all this could lead to is a short-termed relationship. Probably resulting in sex along the way. At which point, she'll eventually feel guilty, confess what she's done, and get shunned. Her JW family and friends will stop talking to her or having contact with her. This will hurt her and break her heart. Is this the sort of thing you want her to go through? Eventually she will get the shunning lifted and family and friends will talk to her once again, but she will always be tainted in the eyes of some. And she will always remember you and talk to people about you as the worst decision in her life. A cautionary tale for others.
Grow up. All you're thinking about is yourself and her fitting into your idea of your perfect world.
I've seen guys join the JWs in order to 'win' the girl. Some actually succeeded. Joined the JWs. Got baptized. Got the girl. Married the girl. So - they got the girl, but now they're in a cult. Unless you want to be in a mind control cult, that dictates to you most every facet of your life, it's not worth it. Of the guys I know that did it, things didn't work out in the long run. Divorce or misery... sometimes both.
If you have to change religions to please the other person, you're caving to them and are not being true to yourself. If you're not true to yourself first, you'll never be truly happy.
It seems to be a simple solution: RUN! but it is the best. Do not get romantically involved with anyone who won't return affection unless you join their religion. JW, Mormon, or any other religion.
She can't date a boy who is not a JW. If she does she's going against what she's been told. She can only date a JW boy if 1) they are old enough to marry 2) marriage is their intention. They can't hold hands, cuddle or kiss unless marriage is on the cards. Sex is a total no no until the wedding night.
She is trying to be a 'good girl' and to do what she's been told, whether she's interested in you or not. Being human she is probably in a dilemma. Her 'kiss me' to you is indication of her real self coming out which she then quickly squashes because now she is being a 'bad girl' and being disobedient.
You have to ask yourself if it's worth putting yourself through all this. Is this what you want from a girlfiend?
RUN as fast as you can. I married a JW who was inactive and I got involved and became a JW and went to meetings with him. I spent almost 30 years of my life depressed and sick all because of the religion. I love my husband dearly and we are both out together but that is not the norm. Many spouses don't leave with their mate and many divorce when one leaves. It isn't like other religions at all because it is a dangerous cult. They control every and I mean every aspect of your life. Read Steve Hassen's books and you will see how dangerous it is. No one deserves to live their life controlled, and it will be if you get involved with this religion. Do more research and read books that will let you know what is really the truth. You will not be happy if you get involved with her because she is very brained washed and everything she does is being directed by the religion. You need to run!
Anytime a person wants you to agree with their religious beliefs in order to have a relationship with you--that is, they want you to change who you are--that's a major sign that it's going the wrong way.
I'd tell you to run, but you won't. I know because I didn't run, when I had the chance. I could tell you my own experience, but I don't know that you'll listen. I'll tell you anyway, because it's the best way I know to be of help here. Hello, by the way. I'm sd-7.
I fell in love with a JW, having been a JW all my life. I loved her more, it seemed, than everything else life had to offer. (I doubt you're at that point, but bear with me here.) She was the sort of JW all the other JWs thought very little of, but I saw something more and believed in her capacity for good. I waited, and waited, and finally she was mine. But for a price.
By the time our day finally came, I'd come to see that the JWs were not the true religion they'd claimed to be. When my wife, yeah, I married her, found out, she ratted me out to their elders at the first opportunity. I was shunned by my family to the extent they could do so, and emotionally abused by my wife for some time after that.
Guess what? I came here, and I was warned too, more than three years ago, not to go for this one. I ignored it, and suffered for it. Could be I'd probably do it again if I had it to do over. But daily I struggle with the fact that I chose one of the worst possible situations to invest my time, emotions, and resources. I realize that I could have done better for myself, and that I deserve better.
You can only expect to be jerked around, manipulated, or shunned by this girl. There's no reason to think she will be in a position to choose you, ever. You will at most be a sideshow. You must shut down your feelings and sacrifice them, to save yourself. There is nothing she has to offer you, because she's just not able to give you what will really want in a relationship, whatever that may be.
It will always be conditional. You deserve unconditional love. You must understand that she cannot offer that to you. If it's just sex you're looking for, you'll only screw her up emotionally, really badly. Don't.
I strongly recommend that you end this situation and stay away from her, for your own sake and for hers.
--sd-7
Ah young love!
Find out everything you can about JW's on line. Do some real research. She likes you, but is riddled with guild because JW's are forbidden to marry outside their faith, and touching, kissing, and other such things are grounds for discipline. Yeah you heard me. She hold hands with you, she gets in trouble with their leaders.
So I would take the run advise. if you have become close, you should be able to have an honest conversation with her. if she can't have an honest conversation, and you guys are only playing these games, you are too young and quit tripping off this one chick. There will be others amigo.
