I see a lot of hope in your situation, Fallingaway.
- You are obviously a feisty woman, and as a betting person I would say your husband loves that about you. So keep being your feisty self. Remind him of this, as it awakens the natural man beneath.
- It is very, very good that you have been open about your investigations. I have been open, too. I consider this a good strategic move as it cannot be used as a wedge of secrecy and separation in your marriage.
- Very wise of you to back off when it is too much for him to take in at once.
A word of caution, I think the congregation will be it's gossipy bitchy self whether your husband is an elder or steps down. The goldfish bowl is just too small and they will pick on whatever is available. I am glad you have a good friend here.