Oh Jewel,
You are doing right by your mom. Just because she can't respect you does not mean you cannot respect her. I have toted my mom back and forth to her KH for the past 8 years. I would even wheel her in, take off her coat, get her settled and walk out. Now that she lays dying I am happy that I had the chance to be myself in my mother's presence and she has learned respect though me. At the beginning we were sort of like the "Odd Couple", she couldn't stop preaching guilt trips and it was so difficult for me to maintain the boundries between us. Thought i was going to go mad.
Sometime in the future you will be where I am now. The Lord is truly giving you a second chance to make things right (with you) so you can say goodby in peace.