Thanks again for all of the warm welcomes. :) As I only have 10posts per day I can't answer individually but I am sure you understand that my heart is smiling to have found kindred spirits. :)
To verify, I am now living in North Dakota but I have never attended a Kingdom Hall here. I actually grew up in Cheyenne, WY and that is where we attended. I am not sure how many witnesses there are here where I now live, as they have only been to my home once. I let them know that my parents were disfellowshipped and I had no interest and I haven't seen them since. Maybe I am now on a list somewhere? lol
NoRegrets: I think bingo sounds like a much better plan and I do not even enjoy playing bingo!
As a young mom I did question if I should raise my daughter in the "truth" and even started a bible study for myself and my 1st husband with a young JW couple. We went to a few meetings and even an assembly. It definitely didn't feel right and all I acomplished was in getting my poor husband (now ex-husband) to question his Catholic faith. He is now an overly zealous born-again Christian who has allowed his religion to dominate his entire life and I will always feel guilty that I played a part in that. I have nothing against the concept of organized religion, but definitely do believe that all things need to be done in moderation.
I know many who have left the JW's don't embrace organized religion and I can completely understand that. There is nothing that disturbs me more than the feeling that religion, or politics, or anything to that sort is being shoved down my throat. At the same time, I do have some good memories of having a family of faith. I wanted my children to have those experiences without the crap that went with being a JW. I also feared that if I raised them with no faith that if they ever had a struggle in their life and didn't have a higher power to turn to that they would be even more susceptable to religions who prey on those who are struggling. So I searched until I found a church that felt right to me, that doesn't mean that I ever feel completely at peace in all of their beliefs, but more that I can feel good taking my children there and know that no matter what happens in their life they will feel accepted. When I sit in my church and can see an unwed mother up in front singing with the worship band and can enjoy a female pastor give a sermon on acceptance it makes me smile. I will probably never feel 100% ok with religion, I have a hard time praying on my own and in all honestly I rarely if ever do. For myself, I have came to the conclusion that I do believe in a higher power and since "He" is a loving and forgiving entity he completely understands my heart and lack of blind-belief. I am a good person, I have raised my children to be good people and for anyone who doesn't think that is enough well too bad for them. lol
A few years ago my 2nd husband passed away and in that time I was never more thankful for my faith family. The love and support they have given myself and my children has been given unconditionaly. My husband died from lung cancer and right before his death we found out his insurance was cancelled. We couldn't afford the Cobra payment and were beyond scared as to how he would receive treatment. Our pastor from church was in our home that same day with a checkbook in hand to write out the premium for us. Now obviously, my experience as a JW are only what I knew as a child and not as an adult but I do remember my dad having a work accident that almost took his life. We struggled for over a year while he went through surgery/recovery without the only income we had. I do not recall any support from the witnesses other than prayer which didn't give us food or clothing which was desperately needed.
I have four children, of them two are too young to have made up their mind about faith and they do attend church with me, my oldest as mentioned above goes to a liberal arts college and she has decided that she is a religious pluralist with her mind open to all faiths she is more about learning than practicing. My second daughter considers herself athiest. What a freeing feeling to know that your children are not afraid to express their individuality. Living in judgement is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
What makes me sad is that my mom who hasn't been a witness for over 20 years is still stuck in her own "hell" because she has not been able to let go of the teachings of the JW's. The few times she has attended church with us, she sobs through the whole thing. I have tried to gently get her to see that JW's are not the only path to a relationship with God if that is what she wants but it is so painful for her I don't even know how to help her. I have tried to direct her to websites to educate herself on the "truth" about JW's but she still lives in fear of what will happen to her if she reads "apostate" material. This is why I refer to JW's as a cult. Her feelings of not being worthy of God's love because she lives a life of "sin" come from years of being brainwashed. I wish I knew how to help her because she is so unhappy and she seems to sabotage any happiness in her life. She is a wreck, she feels bad for leaving the organization, but she feels bad for the abuse she gave us because she believed that was how she was supposed to discipline, she feels bad when she see's my children participate in activites that the JW's deprived us of, she feels bad that she has problems with alcohol, she feels bad that she smokes and does "worldly" things. Honestly, I just want to shake the guilt out of her but no amount of reasoning seems to get through to her. I have many friends who have switched religions and none of them have dealt with guilt of this kind. If anyone here has worked through something similar I would appreciate any tips on how to help her. Thanks again!
