Im still figuring out how to use this wesite, but rudered, its not a foolish question at all.
I still dont really understand why I did it this way, but I think it was a combination of the black/white in/out thinking of the JWs combined with the immaturity of someone in their teens/20s.
I was really unhappy as a witness, but I still thought it was the truth, therefore not being a witness was my failure. I figured out this course of action as the only one available to me, but if I had had anyone to talk to i may have done things differently.
I had never heard of someone who just didnt believe, growing up you never do. Anyone who left, or was kicked out, you always heard dodgy stories whispered about them later...... I remember hearing that those who left were "worse"than wordly people.
I was quite self destructive for years after this, probably fulfilling everything witnesses think about DF'd ones.
Now with maturity I see how young I was, uneducated and isolated from any thought processes except witness defined ones...I literally did not know how to think.
They would sure get a different response from me now, and i just love hearing how some of you used the hearing as a chance to express yourselves.