Help!!!

by marriedtoajw 30 Replies latest jw friends

itsibitsybrainbutbigenoughtosmellarat

I am truly sorry for you. my wife and I both left at the same time. So no issues that way. It has been said that there is no reasoning with a " believer of something " of any kind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
This helped me understand what is going on. JWs always are quick to state what they believe, perhaps all of us non-believers should also be quick to state what we believe?? For starters ...mans length of existance on this earth! Evidence of high technology in the past evidenced in archeology, archeoastonomy, etc... these are some of the facts that helped me get beyond the mind control.
Peace, be quick to come to you.
itsi.......
DesirousOfChange

Another approach you could take is asking your wife or an Elder for explanations on matters (which they cannot explain).
Blood/Blood Fractions (why are some forbidden? some conscience? some recommend by Liason Committee? Isn't Blood, Blood?) Why did their doctrine change? What about the people who died that could have been saved by taking "blood fractions"?
Organ transplants. Once banned as canibalism. Now acceptable. If their doctrine directed by Holy Spirit. Which time was Holy Spirit wrong? What about the people who died that coudl have been saved by a transplant? Does this make WTS bloodguilty?
Sodom & Gommorah flip flops (8 times)
View of United Nations/ Member of United Nations NGO
Claim to be God's prophet (April 1, 1972 WT) / vs. Prophet who lies is condemned (Deut. 18)
False Prophecies:
Claim of End of World (WT Oct 8, 1968 Pg 23)
Young person not enough time to finish school in system (Awake May 22, 1969 Pg 15)
End to come before the end of the 20th Century:
"Shortly, within our twentieth century, the "battle in the day of Jehovah" will begin against the modern antitype of Jerusalem, Christendom." The Nations Shall Know That I Am Jehovah p. 216

"Some of that "generation" could survive until the end of the century. But there are many indications that "the end" is much closer than that!" Watchtower 1984 March 1 pp.18-19

"He was laying a foundation for a work that would be completed in our 20th century". Watchtower 1989 January 1 p.12.
If directed by God's Holy Spirit, why is the Holy Spirit misleading them?
When else did God mislead/lie to his prophet/representative?
Be sincere. Don't jump around. Force them to admit they cannot answer in front of your wife and children.
What if their prophecy for the End being near is wrong again? Why should your kids miss out on a better education/better life?
Tread softly.
Doc
Mum

Being married to a JW can be extremely challenging. They look upon you as an "unbeliever" even though it is clear that you have been brought up as a Christian, and manifest more Christian love than all of them combined. What is considered normal in the larger society (e.g., birthday parties, higher education) is looked down upon by members of cults.
Of course, you are doing the right thing by putting your children first. I recommend that you expose them to experiences that few JW's enjoy, such as trips to museums, baseball games, school dances and extracurricular activities. If you are a reader, share with them the imaginary adventures and great insights from good books and magazines. Encourage them to widen their horizons rather than narrow them, as JW's would do. Encourage them to take personality and vocational interest tests to find out what they might be good at as a career or hobby. Encourage a wide variety of interests, and encourage looking at divergent points of view about everything.
I appreciate your reluctance to get a divorce. If you do, insist on being an involved parent, not just every-other-weekend visitation. "Visiting" with your own children is a horrific concept, IMHO. Meanwhile, as others have recommended, counseling can be a great stress reliever. You don't have to have an alcoholic in the family to join Al-Anon or another 12-step program, which is very sound and helps one to accept reality.
Wishing you the best,
SandraC
return of parakeet

You're stressed out and depressed. See a physician and get those medical matters taken care of. There are good meds available that will stabilize your feelings of helplessness and despair.
You'll be able to think more clearly and take action when your emotions are on an even keel.
marriedtoajw

Retrovirus said - Finally, it seems you are feeling powerless - truly, you are not. Counselling might help here; it worked for me! Finally, it seems you are feeling powerless - truly, you are not. Counselling might help here; it worked for me!
I feel powerless because everywhere I go for advice with the JWs, including here, I'm told to tread lightly, be careful, JW's are trained in this and that... Outside of my own experience as someone married to a JW, everything I know about the psychology of JW's comes from second hand information. In other words, since I've never been in and never subscribed to that world view I feel powerless to help my wife. I see her as a danger to the kids getting deeper and deeper in the cult and just as she sees me as a danger to thier eternal life. I kow I've done a damn good job in hedging all the JW stuff all these years and that's why I think my wife waited so long to get baptized. She still leads the double life but I see her starting to pull back little by little almost in a strategic way. I use to talk to my family about our issues with this but not anymore. They think my wife is fooling herself trying to have it both ways in thinking her faith is some how superior while engaging in things she technically isn't suppose to, mostly holiday celebrations.
Sulla said - You are afraid. I get it. Everybody is afraid when it comes to family, because it is so important.
Stop being afraid.
Stop being afraid and speak what is true. It is past time.
Yes, I agree. I'm burnt out psychologically and I just don't think I have anymore to give. I've been saying little things here and there but it's like water off a ducks back. My cousin and I were having a conversation about the Harold Camping false prophecy and he said, in front of my wife not knowing she's a JW, "Any person or religion claiming to know when the world is gonna end exposes themselves as a liar just by promoting such a thing..."
ABibleStudent

Hi marriedtoajw, If you can afford it, contact Steve Hassan through his website to either talk with him or another cult exit counselor by phone or to locate an exit counselor near you. You sound frustrated and burnt out. You need to feel better before you can help awaken your wife and children. If you do not want to spend money for good professional advice, than at least read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"). At the very least watch the following video of Steve Hassan to understand why people have been recommending that you either contact him or read his books:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-oF-Z_I7U
You must chose whether to spend a little money (< $10,000) getting good professional advice preferably from a cult exit councelor/ relationship counselor, or paying a lot of money (> $10,000) paying for lawyers, spousal support, child support, etc. Also, it wouldn't hurt making new non-JW friends to workout with to improve your self-esteem - checkout gyms/YMCA's in your area.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Fernando

The "unabridged gospel" or "full good news" which can be found in their publications, was specifically designed by God for setting people free spiritually.
Use their own publications to study the "good news" with them. I can send you a one-page map of the "good news" in the Watchtower library if you PM me.
It is impossible to follow both the "unabridged gospel" and the Watchtower.
(Why do followers of the Watchtower religion call themselves “publishers of the Good News” whilst unfamiliar with the “Good News” according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?)
jgnat

It is possible to understand the weirdness of this religion without joining. I never joined, yet my fellow posters here say they cannot tell. Knowing my husband, understanding their draw, and how I can encourage my natural man to be himself without the religion's influence all helps. Steve Hassan's concept of two personalities trapped in the same person helped me understand hubby's weirdness. An advantage that I have is we have no children together.
Here's a good-news story from another father, to give you some encouragement.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/245833/1/Thankyou-dad-for-making-me-think
marriedtoajw

Thanks for that video link Biblestudent. I watched the whole video and I see that Steve Hasans seems to emphasize trying to get the cult member to think for themselves by asking questions out of curiousity. This strategy I believe could work well in the beginning stages of the members entry into the cult. Someone in my position, I mean being so close to the member for so long while practically sitting on my hands due to ignorance, I don't think this tactic will work. You see, there have been occasions in the last few years when I tried this only to have the woman I love dodge questions or change the subject, exactly what some here told me she would do. She hides the cult personality from me but I've seen it a few times when I asked questions. She went into robot mode and started to spiel the JW talk and I was so taken back. I can relate very well to what Steve said when he mentions the transformation cult members go through. I saw it but it was very subtle. Only when I asked questions did I see just how blind I've been. Once my wife told me she wanted to get baptized is when I did serious deep research. I regret very much waiting so long to do it but without the internet I had very little resources and we didn't get the internet until around the year 2000 and even then I never stumbled on to good informative sites. I just didn't know where to begin.
jgnat

I think it is never too late for a Witness to "wake up". The society is not very kind ot its members and it's endless flip-flops of doctrine can shake Witnesses out of their sturpor. Look how many Witnesses end up here after 10, 20, 30 years in the WT service. Hubby's been involved for ten years and he has never been more himself than he is now.

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