Short Introduction and Reply to Lazarus

Hi Lazarus - I'm new here, and I'm a little disturbed by some of the judgmental comments I have read here concerning your situataion. Isn't that what the borg has done to all of us? Each individuals situation can only be judged if that person walks in your shoes. I understand your position perfectly. I have been on both sides of the issue, being disfellowshiped without cause, and a year later having a CO look at my situation and reinstate me. I continued taking my family and myself to meetings during this time. In recent years I have questioned the teachings of the society, and have been slowly fading. I do not go out in field ministry, give talks, commment, etc., but I do go to a meeting every three months or so. The brothers don't hastle me too much, as my Mom is 75, lives on her own, and as I'm the only family member living within hours of her, if they come down too hard on me, they would have to take over the responsibility of her. The rest of my family are JW's, but live a couple of thousand miles away, so aren't in the picture. I was born into the borg, and my Mom through her life has had two husbands die, one in an accident on the job, and one of a heart attack. My little sister died at a young age of cystic fybrosis, and my brother died through suicide. During this time, it wasn't the loving elders, or brothers and sisters that jumped in to support her, it was me. She has been taken advantage of already by elders, in a financial way, so I have to be in her corner to protect her. I could not do this if I was labeled an apostate, and she couldn't talk to me. She gave me birth, and even though I have gotten into heated discussions with her, where she has walked out of my house, as long as she keeps coming back I will be there for her. I feel I owe her my love and respect, and have to understand that the truth is her life, and I could not fill that void for her no matter how hard I tried, so I do what I need to do, to be true to myself. I started publishing at 4, joined the ministry school at 7, was baptized at 9, and "vacationed pioneered every summer until I was married at 17, and then regular pioneered for a long period of time. I owe the borg nothing, and have no guilt using the situation to support and protect my Mom. My other thought about this is - if everyone DA'd themselves, or became DF because of standing up for "truth", where would we get the inside info that we need as ammunition to shake the faith of our family and friends, and take legal stances against them - like BoE letters, literature, announcements, etc. Wouldn't it be a plan to train some of these "spiritual" young men to infiltrate the organization, maybe even getting him into Bethel. Think of what we could accomplish with a mole inside. :>)

Further to my above comment, I found this poem my Mom sent to me on Dec. 03, 2002. I think when you read it you may have a greater appreciation as to why some of us decide to hang around even though we have been fading. Keep in mind that my Mom had 5 kids in 7 years, (before she was 24) one very sick with cystic fybrosis, who later died. She does have regrets about how much time went to studying etc. This is a woman, that never kisssed her kids goodnight, didn't hug, didn't touch, so I am sure this was very hard for her to send to me, her oldest.

To My Grownup Daughter

My hands were busy through the day,

I didn't have much time to play,

The little things you asked me to,

I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook,

But when you'd bring your picture book,

And ask me please, to share your fun,

I'd say a little later dear.

I'd tuck you in, all safe at night,

Hear your prayers, turn out the light,

Then tiptoe softly to the door,

And wish I'd stayed a minute more,

Her precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,

There are no longer games to play,

No good night kiss, no prayers to hear,

That all belongs to yester-year.

My hands once busy, now are still,

The days are long and hard to fill,

Now I wish I'd done for you,

All the little things you asked me to.

She signed it "Everything I feel, is said here to you. I know you understand my regrets, I love you, Mom"

This is why going to a meeting every few months doesn't upset me, or make me feel I'm lacking in integrity or love of truth. My love and protection of my Mom, is more important than making a "stand", being labeled an apostate, forcing the borg to DF me, and leaving my Mom alone in the hands of this disgusting, immoral, crooked organization.

yesidid

Wow, that got the tears rolling!

DNCall

Bless your heart.

Pickler

Hey fading, my daughter has CF, it's very tough, thanks for sharing your perspective

wannaexit

Hello Fading: you express wondefully the sentiments of those of us that willingly stick around for the love of our elderly parents. Thanks for sharing.

Fading Begins

Thanks everyone. Pickler - most people do not have any idea how terrible CF is. It seems to be one of those diseases that stays under the radar of public awareness. My sister had to be in an oxygen tent a lot of nites to just keep breathing. My heart goes out to you and your family. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

Fading Begins

bttt

Fading Begins

bttt

happy@last

I'm glad the elders don't hassle you, it would be a lot tougher if they constantly belittled you and highlighted your failings when it comes to being a 'good publisher'. How sad for your mom too to have lost 2 of her children, I understand why you want to stay for her, and am glad you can do it on your terms.

Short Introduction and Reply to Lazarus

Share this