CHAPTER 6
(Life on the slide down to prison)
Long ago I was asked: " You would have had to go to the Viet Nam war. With so many young men dying in this war, your chances of coming back in a body bag, was great. So in essence, the JW's saved your life. Please comment."
Actually, that's not what the choice really was. Unknown to the majority of JW's, the actual legal provision under the U.S.Military Training and Service Act is to provide Conscientious Objectors alternate service.
That was the law.
I was actually sentenced to work in a local State Hospital. The elders in my congregation told me to REFUSE. So, what I had to refuse was not fighting and dying in Viet Nam at all. It was refusing to help people in a hospital !
This is hard to grasp for many witnesses. They can't be made to understand the fine hair's breadth distinction.
JW's are amazed to hear me say this. But, the congregation overseer and the assistant made it abundantly clear that working in a hospital was viewed by the Society as a compromise of my Christian integrity.
Isn't that amazing?
JW's went to prison rufusing, essentially, to help hospitalized people as part of a legal alternative to military duty!
The word "compromise" was a boiler-plate. It meant whatever you wanted it to mean. It was a pejorative and that was that.
The Society was paranoid of being linked to such "conscience choice" because the leaders had been thrown into prison in the past for overt tampering with such choices in their membership.
The secret instructions were on the down-low. It was YOU as an individual publicly. In private, it was you the JW obeying instructions.
The Society's idea, I'm fairly certain, was making a theatrical spectacle of JW's any way they could get them to co-operate. Not celebrating birthdays is one way on a small level. But, think how that affects a little kid and their social life at school! It puts them on the outs.
JW beliefs are contrarian. They are against things. Christmas, Easter, flag salute, etc. to create publicity that JW'S ARE DIFFERENT!
I went along with making the decision not so much because I completely understood the logic of it. It was simply made crystal clear that this is what I am supposed to do if I am a servant of Jehovah who possesses integrity. It is like listening to your doctor's advice and not really understanding it as to particulars of how the regimen is going to make you well. But--you have to trust your Doctor. They KNOW MORE than you do.
Neither the Society nor the local congregations gave much consideration as a group or as individuals to brothers in prison.
There was a Brother Bourgeoise from a Dallas congregation who came out once a month as a kind of Circuit Servant. He gave an hour talk. I'm cynical enough to think he did it to report the time! I don't remembe anything at all special about what he said or the attention he gave to us.
Looking back at those years and the particulars of day to day life inside of County Jail or Federal Prison I find the memories to be vividly excruciating.
I don't EVER think specifically about any of them.
There must be a reason for this.
I think it is more than: what's past has passed.
Upon my parole from Seagoville there was such a void of specific interest on the part of brothers and sisters I was dumbfounded!
Nobody asked for any particulars. That didn't and doesn't seem possible!
Just before I entered prison I was trying rather frantically to locate any of the brothers who had already gone through such an experience. I wanted to pump him for details and specifics!
It was quite difficult but I finally located somebody living in Dallas who had been paroled earlier that same year. He had served two years locked up as a Conscientious Objector JW.
I got his phone number and reached him one evening.
I'd be lying if I said I remembered the details. I don't. There is a good reason for this.
He didn't give me any! The paroled brother was completely indifferent to my questions. In fact, I think he was high at the time.
I later heard he had been disfellowshipped for immorality.
As the date of my trial approached I was growing agitated of mind and body. Nerves, mostly.
From the vantage point of years now passed I am struck by one fact above all others: there were no leaders in the congregation I could counsel with about my human weakness as this day approached.
All I got was a shrug and "Just trust in Jehovah, he'll see ya through." And off they'd go happy as a clam.
So, I had to buck up. I had to, uh hem, "be a man" whatever that would mean.
My prayer life became vivid and constant.
Today is 2013 and I can see with some objectivity I was going into a trance back then in 1967. I was self-hypnotizing; digging deeper into myself I hid my fear.
I was on the slide down to disassociative reasoning and questionable mental balance. Tunnel vision. One on one "conversation" with Jehovah. Like one of those mental patients you see on the street talking to themselves as they walk along in their own world--I too was in a separate dimension.
In my own mind I became an important "object" of scrutiny. This is difficult to describe because YOU are sane:)
But, I thought of the forces of Good on one side and the forces of Evil on the other and I was on the playing field while Jehovah and Satan rooted in the grandstand!
Where did I get such a silly notion? How about this: from reading Watchtower publications for the last 8 years!
Jehovah's Witnesses were the most important humans in the universe!
Why, you ask?
We were on trial in the court of opinion as to whether we would vindicate Jehovah's name by suffering persecution.
This is hubris, of course. It may even amount to megalomania or some such condition. But, in effect, we JW's were "public spectacles" in a universal arena doing a damned heroic job of ......well.....blah--blah--blah...
Fundamentally, we weren't much above teen Emo's who cut themselves for attention.
We just decorated our self-inflicted delusional state with scriptures and slogan's about Jehovah's Soverignty.
We were billboards for the Watchtower leaders; advertsing an "authentic" gravitas which included martyr-quality dedication to The Truth no matter the cost--we were happy to pay the price!
But, it wasn't all-for-one and one-for-all......this was no Musketeer alliance of equals. We young folk were puppets pouring out our youth on the altar of OZ. The Wizard in Bethel was pulling levers and blowing smoke up our collective asses for duplicitous self-aggrandizement.
You see, the crazy DOCTRINES of contrarian negativity could never be actually PROVED---but---something could demonstrate sincerety, committment and conviction like nothing else could. MARTYRS.
Here is how this works:
You pose the following question. "Would Jesus followers have been faithful to the point of imprisonment if they were just frauds?"
In other words, Do fakes and cranks put their butt on the line?
The implication is that nobody risks self-harm for a false belief.
Jesus gave himself. Jesus Apostles risked all. From that premise it follows: sincere true believers pay a hefty price.
The Governing Body in Bethel used that as currency to buy admiration and to promote the idea of ethical committment to Truth.
A grudging Baptist might say this at a door to door encounter: "I don't believe what you believe, but, I have to admire your faith and convictions."
This, for the leaders, was cashing in on the misery of the young men who went to prison or the brothers and sisters in Malawi who refused to buy a political party card and were beaten or raped.
It made excellent press!