Hi marriedtoajw, Have you called Steve Hassan yet or a good cult exit counselor who lives near you, as I recommended in the thread Help!!! that you started?
Things ain't going to get better until you talk with a professional counselor who has experience deprogramming a person who has been indoctrinated with BITE control techniques. Talk with a good-professional cult exit counselor it will be a lot cheaper for you financially and emotionally in the long run. Contact Steve Hassan by email or by phone tomorrow.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert