a letter to Dr laura

Jokemyster

ASK DR. LAURA
Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's law. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price
for her? I also know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Now I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself? Then, Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the
nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to
Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
A friend of mine also feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? And Lev. 20:20 states that I may not
approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some wiggle room here?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging

Frenchy

Dear confused:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

If you are burning bulls then you are an Israelite (a priest, actually), therefore all your neigbors are Israelites and should have no complaints about the matter. Refer them to the High Priest if they continue to be a bother.

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price

What does your daughter look like? I’m in the market for a pretty, young slave myself. As for the price, that will be commensurate with what she looks like and what she can do.

I also know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Let them take offense. Ask.

Now I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Absolutely not. Take him to the older men at the gate of your city and let them deal with it. BTW be prepared to have one more witness and to have to cast the first stone.

Then, Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the
nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to
Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

Anyone NOT an Israelite is a Gentile. What’s so hard about understanding that? Are you one of those troublemakers or are you just dull? Now go on about your business and don’t bother me with these petty questions that any five year old Israelite boy can answer. Come back when you have a REAL problem

A friend of mine also feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this?

Actually you could die from either one. If you’re eating raw oysters from the Gulf of Mexico, you could get seriously ill and also die from it. As far as homosexuality goes, haven’t you heard of AIDS? My advice on that last topic is to sit on your butt and keep your mouth shut. That should keep you out of trouble. BTW Lev 10:10 deals with priests drinking while performing their duties in the tent of meeting. Are you drinking too besides eating shellfish while fornicating with men? Hmmmm….

And Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Okay, you seem to have some difficulty with your scriptures. Lev. 20:20 states: And a man who lies down with his uncle’s wife has laid bare the nakedness of his uncle. They should answer for their sin. They should die childless.- Now I think you have a very serious problem with your eyesight if you’re trying to sleep with your aunt! Either that or you can’t read very well. Anyway unless you are a duly appointed priest from the tribe of LEVI you will not be approaching any altars anyway.

Frenchy
(Dr Laura's assistant who also doubles as a knight in other forums)

Edited by - Frenchy on 31 May 2000 13:40:41

Simon

he he he
Brilliant !

spectromize

Excellent replies Dr. Frenchy.

Frenchy

Thanks guys.

waiting

Frenchy, I just saw Jokester's Dr. Laura post on H20.

Your sarcasm was much more literate - so far.

Tina, this is not a sneer - I guess the Big Guys just haven't had time to post their sarcasm yet, OK? Don't get uptight with me again!!!!

Frenchy

Thanks, waiting. I saw the post too...

drwtsn32

ASK DR. LAURA

Hahaha!! That was hilarious!

drwtsn32

bttt -- what, no one else thought it was funny? Or is it just that it's a 4 year old thread?

myauntfanny

I think it's hilarious. I'd kind of like to post it over on beliefnet because it addresses some serious question I have about the inconsistency of JWs and fundamentalists generally. But they are so biblical over there it would probably just be ignored, and anyway I'm not sure of the etiquette of copying posts from one board to another, it seems kind of dodgy.

a letter to Dr laura

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