my worst fears were realized (page 10)

magotan

Yeah, I'm OK. I'm in such an emotional wreck right now....

I found a place to stay, and I'm hitting it off pretty well with my roommate.

My mother called me on impulse today. She understands that it's more than just sexual; it's a desire to be with someone you love. But she can't condone. We just sat and hugged and cried. She feels like I'm shutting her out (maybe I am, IDK. I have gotten a new bank account and I'm filing for educational financial indepenendence) and doesn't want me to shut her out of my life. But obviously, I can't stay there if I'm going to "live the homosexual lifestyle". I don't know what to say here. I have my doubts, and obviously, she pretty much dismissed them (the UN scandal) as "apostate lies", but I could tell internally she likely thought about a lot of things.

I'm still not sure if I got kicked out, or if I left. When I told them, I was told that if I wanted to be gay and not a JW, I needed to leave. But I was on the same time told that I needed to stay because I had nowhere else to go. Then I was told that I was "always welcome" but of the same token, they can't condone my lifestyle so I wouldn't be able to stay. I believe cognitive dissonance is the term.

jgnat

Oh, you know how to give a mother heart palpitations! First, I am glad you have a place to stay that seems decent. Second, I am glad to see your mother has a heart.

Yup, cognitive dissonance is riding high here. They just can't bear to think that it is their intolerance that drove you away. Hence the mixed message. You were kicked out by their intolerance, and no offer of a third way. Don't start blaming yourself, now. You are now safely, freely, away from their influence and it is messing with them big-time.

krejames

Magotan i'm so sorry to read what you're going through. You'll get through this.

Your family must be very confused right now too. They have shot themselves in the foot. They have probably realised by making you move out they will be expected to shun you if you are DF'd. Whereas if you had stayed under their roof they would have an excuse to continue contact. I feel sorry for your mum (my mum also feels I have shut her out). It will be hard for you and your family but it sounds like your mum really wants to keep in touch with you. I hope she does.

jamiebowers

Apparently your mom's maternal instinct is stronger than her cult indoctrination. Good for her! Don't worry about her learning TTATT right now. Just assure her of your love and let her know about your successess out in the real world.

gma-tired2

Hold on Mom may come around she is saying what she feels she must say. as a mom of a ex JW who is gay, it takes time to accept. I did and family of another gay JW Did too. Mom is wondering what she did to make you gay. Moms always think it our fault. I belive your mom will but she has emotions to deal also. Hang in There.

gma-tired2

Forgot to say it is not her fault but our beliefs make us wonder. Just realized we need support for young gays and maybe their mothers. You cannot belive the people who are implying this and this is Wrong. Not young gays fault and not his mothers fault.

irondork

First, I'm glad you have a place to stay.

Secondly, I'm sure your folks would love to have you in their home. The problem is, it comes at too high a price. You will be asked to deny who you are and what you believe.

As far as your mothers fears of being shut out are concerned, reasure her that you will never do that. Sure, the circumstances surrounding your move-out were uncomfortable and not the typical boy-grows-up-and-moves-out scenario. That's unforntunate. But moving forward from this point, remind her that you are a young adult and you will be living outside of their home from now on and you will be leading your own life from this point forward. Remind her that she is still welcome to be an integral part of your life. Remind her that you are in favor of maintaining a close relationship. Remind her that you will never shun her.

That book I told you about, TORN, by Justin Lee, would be a great book for your mother right now. Tell her to read it. You need to read it yourself. PM a mailing address, I'll ship it to you. It's a relationship saver, Mag.

http://www.amazon.com/Torn-Rescuing-Gospel-Gays-vs-Christians-ebook/dp/B0076DFG5S

magotan

z have an "investigation" to be done by two JW "elders".

I told them I'd meet with them, but I have no interest in doing so. Should I call them and say "I like boys, will probably date and or sleep with one in the near future, and I think this religion is a sham that abuses it's members and steals their lives." That statement would put me out.

I think my mother and father wanted me to stay at home because it would be an excuse to interact with me, but I would not really be allowed to live my life. By leaving, I've spared them essentially shunning by proxy (since my dad isn't an Elder in the congregation anymore, he can't really "break the rules") by having me in their house. But of the same token, now they HAVE to shun me if they want to remain in good standing in the congregation.

I feel like I have nothing really to say to them; their "Investigation" is to essentially see if I have done any "wrongdoing" or "serious sin" and whether or not they should form a Judicial Committee to put me out.

Apognophos

It depends how you feel about your family relationship. Anything you say to the elders will of course be conveyed to your family, so if you push too hard against the religion, it may make it harder for your mother to continue talking to you. I think it's better to play the victim here (in terms of just saying that you have to live this way and you're sorry you can't meet their standards). That way your mother will continue to feel that you haven't "gone apostate"; that you're really just a "victim" of being born the way you are and therefore unable to fit in as a Witness.

irondork

I feel like I have nothing really to say to them; their "Investigation" is to essentially see if I have done any "wrongdoing" or "serious sin" and whether or not they should form a Judicial Committee to put me out.

That's called a witch hunt. Once they start that ball rolling their decision is as good as made. Your presence at that meeting will only serve to validate their sense of authority over you. Tell them they can hold their star chamber proceeding without you.

my worst fears were realized

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