Service as a way of relieving our pain…

by Londo111 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Service as a way of relieving our pain…

    No, not “field” service. I can’t believe all the empty hours I spent knocking on doors, going where I was not welcome, not wanting to be there either, foisting magazines on people, occasionally studying with people in an effort to indoctrinate them. If you think about it how selfish organizationally we were: our bent was really to get something in return for our investment. We wanted to influence that person to our narrow viewpoint, get them to attending meetings, then eventually have them go out and knock on doors and recruit others. And of course, the organization would have one more person donating money, time and services all toward its ends.

    I don’t want to turn this into a bragging session (I’m anonymous to most everyone here anyway), but rather share the joy, and hopefully help some people who are just coming out of the Organization who are in intense pain, maybe even contemplating death like I once did.

    I recently joined the Micah Incentive, which assists schools. I did this because I felt impelled to do something on behalf of the community and when I asked, my pastor told me that opportunity was coming up, and a few people from my church signed up. I’d lots of anxiety and reservations. I haven’t spent much time around kids since the time I was one, had no particular desire to do so. I didn’t know what I was going to be doing or how. I’ve lots of social anxiety, sometimes intensely so. I’d many doubts it was something I should be doing…but then, I’m too out of shape for much else, like building houses and doing construction.

    We are not there to proselyte or mention religion or invite anyone to church. There is no way either the church or myself can benefit from this activity. This is just pure service on behalf of the community.

    Today was Day 1. For 2+ hours, I tutored two children in reading and math. I did this because I felt impelled toward a duty, but I have to say it feels GREAT. For that time, I was no longer an ex-JW, I forgot all about the heartbreak of former friends breaking their friendship with me, the anxiety over if and when my family will find out, or if the elders will ever come after me. The pain was gone. For the first time in quite a while, I actually felt happy. When I left and came to work, I felt confident and outgoing and alive. I didn’t expect this at all.

    The reason why I wanted to post this was not to say, “Look at me!” but rather share this with those who like me are hurting and wounded. Maybe we no longer have friends. Maybe our family has abandoned us. Perhaps we are having a hard time picking up the pieces and making new connections with other people. Maybe you don’t feel even leaving your house (I’ve been there!).

    Maybe by volunteering, serving the community, whether or not you still believe in God, this might help us all recover. Many here have recommended this, and I used to just nod my head, thinking, “Yes, that’s something we all should be doing.” It’s quite another think to experience this.

    "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."--Micah 6:8.

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Oops, I meant the Micah Initiative, not the Micah Incentive. I need some tutoring in spelling!

  • gingerbread
    gingerbread

    This is excellent Londo !

    Participating in a positive activity after one chooses to leave or is forced out of the congregation is great way to transition into your "new normal." If someone is "fading", getting involved in a non-religious community activity is a wonderful step - volunteer at the library, clean up local parks or roadways, share a skill... Finally you can show love for your neighbor without strings attached....just being a good human being! This is a very difficult thing to do if you've been raised as a JW. We are trained to be judgemental and suspicious. Good for you!

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    I couldn’t agree more. And no time sheet at the end of the month! No worry about getting “hours” in. No worries about losing “privileges” if I don't make the national average. In retrospect, I’m not so sure I would have wasted all that time going down the reinstatement road. It benefited nobody.

  • Pickler
    Pickler

    Londo, this sounds amazing, I volunteered for years at local schools, but now my kids are in high school I'm effectively banned from ever entering the suburbs where their schools are (embarrassment!!!)

    ive been thinking about finding a volunteer opportunity because I miss it, you've inspired me! Good for you!!

    a plus about volunteering is you see all the good that many people do on a daily basis, it opens your eyes to how basically "good"most people are, as xJW we need to see this over & over, so it sinks in......the world is not such a bad place! People are not bad!

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Very true. I hate the pejorative ‘worldly’. Many so-called ‘worldly’ people had a normal, healthy upbringing that has made them sound, balanced people. I was the one brought up abnormally and in an unhealthy environment. Once a person leaves the organization, they can finally have the opportunity to learn to be a good neighbor. How can anyone love their neighbor and yet harbor feelings of superiority and disdain toward them? It's impossible.

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    There are so many ways of service that one can actually enjoy and/or derive real benefits. Volunteer work might help one to get a regular job or start a business, or let one find opportunities to get money with less real effort. You might also have a hobby that can benefit others. For instance, anyone that decorates your area for Christmas so others can see it is helping their community. Plus, you get real benefits from doing it.

    Try that with field circus.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Glad for, man. I feel like a want to do something, too, like animal shelter, or something.

    S

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Londo that sounds great. I know just what you mean I volunteer as a befriender for a mental health charity and it has helped me enormously too. Yes it does make me feel alive instead of feeling my life's been a waste of time. We have a lot of life experience to share and we have a lot of empathy for people who are suffering or struggling.

    good thread

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Great sentiments Londo111 and kuddos to you for helping others in your community. I always feel good helping kids to read in the "Reading to Kids" program in LA and doing other community service activities.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

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