Service as a way of relieving our pain…
No, not “field” service. I can’t believe all the empty hours I spent knocking on doors, going where I was not welcome, not wanting to be there either, foisting magazines on people, occasionally studying with people in an effort to indoctrinate them. If you think about it how selfish organizationally we were: our bent was really to get something in return for our investment. We wanted to influence that person to our narrow viewpoint, get them to attending meetings, then eventually have them go out and knock on doors and recruit others. And of course, the organization would have one more person donating money, time and services all toward its ends.
I don’t want to turn this into a bragging session (I’m anonymous to most everyone here anyway), but rather share the joy, and hopefully help some people who are just coming out of the Organization who are in intense pain, maybe even contemplating death like I once did.
I recently joined the Micah Incentive, which assists schools. I did this because I felt impelled to do something on behalf of the community and when I asked, my pastor told me that opportunity was coming up, and a few people from my church signed up. I’d lots of anxiety and reservations. I haven’t spent much time around kids since the time I was one, had no particular desire to do so. I didn’t know what I was going to be doing or how. I’ve lots of social anxiety, sometimes intensely so. I’d many doubts it was something I should be doing…but then, I’m too out of shape for much else, like building houses and doing construction.
We are not there to proselyte or mention religion or invite anyone to church. There is no way either the church or myself can benefit from this activity. This is just pure service on behalf of the community.
Today was Day 1. For 2+ hours, I tutored two children in reading and math. I did this because I felt impelled toward a duty, but I have to say it feels GREAT. For that time, I was no longer an ex-JW, I forgot all about the heartbreak of former friends breaking their friendship with me, the anxiety over if and when my family will find out, or if the elders will ever come after me. The pain was gone. For the first time in quite a while, I actually felt happy. When I left and came to work, I felt confident and outgoing and alive. I didn’t expect this at all.
The reason why I wanted to post this was not to say, “Look at me!” but rather share this with those who like me are hurting and wounded. Maybe we no longer have friends. Maybe our family has abandoned us. Perhaps we are having a hard time picking up the pieces and making new connections with other people. Maybe you don’t feel even leaving your house (I’ve been there!).
Maybe by volunteering, serving the community, whether or not you still believe in God, this might help us all recover. Many here have recommended this, and I used to just nod my head, thinking, “Yes, that’s something we all should be doing.” It’s quite another think to experience this.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."--Micah 6:8.