when the rain clears... (page 2)

trevor

Hi Deacon,

You story is very touching. I missed the emotional element of being a Witness for a long time after I left. Emotions take time to catch up with our conscious minds, perhaps you didn't give it long enough.

You say you have not found the answers and the bible is the only guide we have. There are other Holy books such as the Koran and the Bhagavad Gita. Your search for truth will not be complete until you have considered the spiritul writings of other cultures. You do not have to believe every thing you read but you will find the spiritual nature of such writings will help to bring you peace of mind and a fuller understanding of your reason for being on earth.

I hope that in your journey through life you find peace within yourself for it is the hallmark of truth

trevor

Latte

Deacon,

Loved every word of your post! Perhaps it’s because you are expressing just how I feel right now. The bit’s which I can particularly relate to are:

** But here I am, a few years later, once more isolated, but this time by my own choice, beset by doubts and concerns over something that I held and hold sacred.**

I too am feeling somewhat isolated, (also by my own choice ) but I have an optimism, which I have never felt during all my time in the ‘truth’ . I am so relieved that there is so much that I don’t understand – these ‘things’ I can safely leave in Jehovah’s hands, it no longer feels burdensome.

****In the meantime, I will continue to look, watch and confirm using the only guide we have, the Bible as and when I can piece something together that makes any sense....but mainly I will keep away from arrogance, self righteousness and smugness....because what group I end up associating with, that will not be a trademark of the gathering.****
***So Im not angry anymore, my time was not wasted. I didnt get to do things that I wanted, I lived a long time in fear and in sadness....***

I am still somewhat angry over the thing’s I did’nt get to do….. and the beautiful people I’ve met – and let get away, because they was’nt Jw’s.

Yes, I am free from the fear which has hung over me for so long, fear which has stopped me getting to know my self, and my family - who have been brilliantly supportive of me,(well to date,the half of my family that's non-jw) we are at last getting to know each other! Certainly paranoia reins in our house sometimes – we will see what happen's!

***and I felt I had failed Jehovah every day for 37 years...but I didnt..I failed the imposition that was placed on me by well meaning but love lacking understanding people.***

When the ‘rain cleared’ for me I began to feel more human – more, yes worthy. It seems it took a similar amount of time for the ‘rain to clear’ for me also. I too. was brought up in the ‘truth’ . I dwell much more on the good in life now – much healthier than dwelling on the imminent A.

***Dont ask me for answers. I have NONE. But I will talk to you, I will try and be a fellow human and I will always listen and support you in whatever you want....but dont try and fool me...Im wiser now.***
Yes, the blinkers are off!!

I do love my JW friends dearly and shall always. I hope that they understand that my relationship with Jehovah is still intact, and I hope they recall that He is the judge of each and every person on this earth – what a relief!!

Life is GOOD!!!!

Thank you Deacon.

Edited by - Latte on 3 February 2001 3:0:34

amicus

Deacon, I appreciate you taking the time to talk about your situation. Although there are differences, my experience is similar. 30 days ago, more or less, my "love affair" with the WTBTS ended. I find myself now spiritually and emotionally drained. My spiritual condition is probably that of a 5 year old- I believe in a God and I think that God is good, and I hope the Bible is a valid guidebook for me to follow. Emotionally I've got a lot of things to sort through and some decisions to make.

So, here I am, watching, reading, thinking....and I admit to being a little lost.

You ain't the only one brother.

mommy

Find yourself first, then you will find peace:)-mommy
wendy

Venice

Amicus,

Your not alone, I'm fairly new myself. Like you I still have strong faith in Jehovah and the Bible, but you feel a bit lost. Kinda like starting all over again, only this time you can actually read the Bible for what it really says, not so it fits into some preconscived man made little box.

You see you were part of a cult. Some people may think that words a little harsh, to them I say, 'look it up'. There's a great book out by Steve Hassan entitled 'Combating Mind Controling Cults' (or something like that.) Everyone who's been a JW or knows someone who is really needs to read that and he has a brandnew one out too, so you can see that what your experincing is normal, and to know how to deal with it.

Venice

eyes_opened

Hey Deacon,

I totally empathize with your feelings! especially the part about feelings as though you had failed Jehovah for 37 years. It's wonderful though that you can now see that it wasn't God you were failing, but others impossible ideals of what they think is the right way to serve God. Your post was very heartfelt and has touched a lot of folks here who are grappling with many of the same issues.
{{{{hugs!}}}}

eyes

"One Persons Heresy Is Anothers Truth"

SixofNine

Dont ask me for answers. I have NONE.

CLOSER TO FINE
I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all

Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety 'til I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I stopped by the bar at three AM
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
And I'd went in seeking clarity.

Yeah, we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountains
Yeah, we go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
and the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine

Nice thoughts, no? Even nicer when they are lyrically coming at you from a couple of barefoot lesbians deftly strumming (guitars) and velvetly singing the words in two part harmony. All thanks to the Indigo Girls.

"Freedoms just another word for nuthin' left to lose"

Man! this post is just dripping with lesbian wisdom. ;)

Edited by - SixofNine on 3 February 2001 1:4:52

thinkers wife

Deacon,
Thank you so much for sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings.
As others have expressed, it reflects so many of us.
As time goes on, I think you will find the search becomes less strenuous. It will allow you the time to enjoy the important things in life. Your post reflects some of this already. Many hugs and kisses come you and your wife's way.
I would say more, but I am feeling a little emotional.
TW

Frenchy

Deacon,
Enjoyed your post. I think we have all felt some if not all of what you expressed here.

-Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-

waiting

Hey six,

Nice thoughts, no? Even nicer when they are lyrically coming at you from a couple of barefoot lesbians deftly strumming (guitars) and velvetly singing the words in two part harmony. All thanks to the Indigo Girls.
"Freedoms just another word for nuthin' left to lose"
Man! this post is just dripping with lesbian wisdom. ;)

Ahhhh, a secure man.......or an insecure man with a sense of humor.
Either way, thanks for the thoughts and the chuckle.

waiting

when the rain clears...

Share this