by Terry 43 Replies latest jw friends
Terry why only say one thing? Why not just start small talk and try to renew a freindship of long ago. You can do so with a profound expression of what good he did in your life. Get connected.....then have a conversation. I suppose he isn't anywhere near you?
I know a couple men like that Terry. They usually do not last at their post forever. It is odd that some of the best, just seem to not quite make it as an elder at some point. Know what I mean?
I was just now (October 2021) looking up something on my old posts and came
across this one. I forgot to go back and tell the upshot of contacting Tollie!
(Sigh)
I phoned Tollie. He was warm, welcoming, and the old vivacity still sparking.
About five minutes into the conversation I gently referenced that we all managed
to Stay Alive Till '75.
Sad to say ... he jumped in making excuses for the Org. My heart fell as he went into Elder mode.
I just sat there as the 'automatic' response mechanism showed up like Harvey Keitel's FIXER in PULP FICTION. He got rid of the blood and brains and vacuumed the car.
It just broke my heart. I could hardly speak at all.
I swallowed hard and poured out my affectionate memories and appreciation and then
got his e-mail address - telling him I had to ring off but I'd e-mail him.
Then, I composed a letter and included a PDF of my book.
___________
Date Jan 4, 2014 at 7:28 PM
Tollie!
A bit of background on how I happened to call today. . .
I had received (out of the blue) an e-mail this morning mentioning you by somebody who had met you and knew you from the local congregation. In the course of his letter he said:
"> Tollie Padget is in El Paso TX. I know him only because when I was coming into
JW he was going out. He was a very prominent brother and everyone in the circuit > knew of him. I heard a few of his talks and introduce myself to him and then for > no apparent reason he just stopped. All kinds of talk roamed throughout the city > of El Paso that he was losing it, spiritually weak, apostate, mental sickness, >, etc. Here was a brother who went to Gilead then not long after dropped out. No > one understood. Remember back then we didn’t have all the information about the > Watchtower that we do today. I believe even Ray Franz was still a JW. So (the truth about the Truth) > was still very obscure. I believe Tollie figured something was wrong with the > WTS but I don’t think he got the full impact of what they really were. This was > over 40 years ago. I haven’t seen him since and I doubt it he would remember me. > Now after reading some of your posts and your book I think I know what happened. > He woke up! His wife I heard still is active, but I haven’t seen him since then > but about a year ago a friend talked to his wife at a convention and they still > live in El Paso and he is still inactive and never came back. He just kind of > faded probably to keep in contact with friends and family. > > If I get any knowledge of where he lives, I will go and leave him your email > address. Right now I have been fading. . ."
This was all I had to go on.
I apologize for thinking you might be amenable to a conversation with me under those conditions because
I would think it virtually impossible for you to change course.
More to the point, however. . .
It took me 3/4 of the way through our phone conversation to realize (dummy that I am) you are not disassociated, fading, or disfellowshipped
and THEREFORE open to talking to me. Why? Because I was disfellowshipped in 1979 and consequently I was being very selfish in not blurting that out to you as soon as I came to my senses about what your status is.
In fact, you probably will break off reading this e-mail about now. The joy
of reaching you and hearing your voice more or less mitigated my telling you my status.
If not. . .
I recently wrote a book about Seagoville and about the history of conscientious objectors from the time of the Roman Empire to the end of the Vietnam War. I go into how I came into the organization, the meetings, my Bible study, baptism. This is followed by my review before the Draft Board, my attorney, trial, and County Jail. Then, Seagoville and my being assaulted by the black inmate.
I WEPT BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON (A Prisoner of Conscience in a Time of War.)
I tried very hard to be dispassionate and factual and not what active JW's might expect: a raging apostate devil-worshipper foaming at the mouth.
While I was writing the book I wanted you to read the chapter that includes you, Tollie Padget. I wanted it to be accurate as possible.
Inasmuch as I couldn't reach you I wrote what I would term "based on actual events" account from my memory alone.
All that aside. . .
I've admired you and talked you up all these years. You made a huge impression on my life for the PERSON you are and the crackling magnitude of your intellect.
I'm sorry we are in such different camps. You aren't really allowed to talk to me__knowingly__because of my status.
I'm "mentally diseased" as the Watch Tower article so elegantly termed it :)
I just wanted you to know I still love you as a person and all the Brothers who passed through that crucible of prison.
I don't expect you to read my book and I won't insult you by making a go at my reasons for no longer wanting to be connected with the religion.
Suffice to say, what I do and who I am I try to maintain integrity, honesty, and goodwill toward all.
End of self-aggrandizement :)
I wish you all the best, my friend.
Have a long life and prosper!
Cheers,
Terry Walstrom
inmate 11857 ATTACHED PDF version of my book ____________________________ Suffice it to say he didn't call me back or write to me. I received word he died in 2018. Fast forward to a month ago... I was contacted by a Brother from Seagoville about a ZOOM reunion with about 50 of former inmates (still active) JW's. Tollie Padgett's wife, Carol was there in his place. I did not attend that video meet-up but chose to contact individually each of the guys. The Brother who contacted me was very very cordial. We had an in-depth conversation and I told him I had been DF'd in 1979. He either ignored that fact or let it pass. We have been conversing daily for the last four weeks. He is still active - but he's intellectually honest. And that's the cork in that bottle. Sorry I took so long to complete my post.
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Poignant as anything I have ever read
So far within a year I have lost 64 JW friends..........All of the ones that have died told me that they will just be dead for a few minutes and will see me again in the paradise earth. They all told me to prepare a nice home for them.
Man--that is the saddest thing I've read today.
There
is still a lot of these true believers, but they are now in their
80s-90s. I imagine in the next 10-20 years, it won't be 64 jws passing,
-----but it will be millions of the core foundation "Tollie like believers"
--- that will be passing away and firmly believing
that in a few minutes they will come back from the grave, and start a new life, in a new earth, according to his promise, in which righteousness will dwell.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing, or a cruel thing, - to die believing you will be back in a few minutes to a paradise, righteous,earth.
Maybe this is the best thing of being a Jehovah Witness, that in those last minutes of your life, you are thoroughly CONVINCED, that in just a few moments---minutes from an eternal view of time, - in the twinkling of an eye, --- during the last trumpet-----you'll be back in the company of all those you love.
I keep thinking about the recent ZOOM reunion of the prison Brothers I knew
and still love deeply ...
they are like abandoned luggage on an airport carousel waiting for Jah to grab their handle and take them home.
What a waste of life.
Thanks, great read.
G.
I spoke last night to one of the Brothers who spoke to Tollie's widow, Carol.
He revealed to me that she said that for the last decade of his life he was having mental problems and his "apostasy" period was caused by health issues.
When I spoke with him on the phone he sounded the same as back in 1968.
Well, forgive me...but ...this "sounds" like a cover story. I apologize if it isn't.
She said he wasn't himself anymore. So maybe.
I don't know which a JW would prefer: an apostate or a mental illness.
Probably the same thing to them, eh?
Found a missionary couple we served with after only 25 years. Tried to find something to talk about but eventually his apostate radar kicked in and he shut me out.
Digging up bones.......exhuming things better left alone.
Terry; I spoke last night to one of the Brothers who spoke to Tollie's widow, Carol.
He revealed to me that she said that for the last decade of his life he was having mental problems and his "apostasy" period was caused by health issues.
So that person that said;
He was a very prominent brother and everyone in the circuit > knew of him. I heard a few of his talks and introduce myself to him and then for > no apparent reason he just stopped. All kinds of talk roamed throughout the city > of El Paso that he was losing it, spiritually weak, apostate, mental sickness,
Was RIGHT ON!
Well this sucks for you, but maybe not when you think about it,----because it seems that when you contacted Tollie, ------he was full blown APOSTATE.
I think what happened is he was protecting himself from being revealed. When a person learns TTATT, he usually goes through a serious of stages. The final stage if he has wife, kids, family, is to fade without making waves so as not to lose his family.
I bet you everything, Tolli was a full blown apostate. He wasn't sick or have mental illness.
He was smart and finally figured out everything. 607 vs 587, Generation teaching---the whole thing.
That's what happens when someone who goes to Gilead and becomes a missionary-THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN QUITS.
I read these kinds of experiences all the time on Reddit exjw.
In fact I read one of a CO who woke up and his related experience matches Tollie's perfectly.
He just quit and disappeared. Everyone was saying he was mentally sick.
But he was posting on Exjw reddit and telling us all his stories as a CO.
So it seems your friend was -an undercover APOSTATE.
And it makes sense because if I was Tollie, and became a missionary, and a very prominent elder---I would do the same thing. And if a long time friend called me out of the blue, on the phone or email and said what you said, I would not reveal myself to you considering my wanting to stay faded to my family. I just wouldn't risk it by revealing myself to you.
So now you know the whole story.
Smart, Clever Tollie-----HAD WOKEN UP TO THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TRUTH.
