There's this girl... (page 2)

tiki

noonehome - keep at it - do the college thing - take it to the limit. and believe in your own brain and strength and ability to overcome it all. you can do or be anything you want to be...just put your mind to it - and be a little patient even though when young that is like next to impossible!!!!!

sooner7nc

"You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence
in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise
tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are
fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds
of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in
doubt."
- Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors.

I feel for you noonehome but be sure to not rush into anything with this girl.

problemaddict

You are really young. So is she. Maintain a relationship, and try to be vague. Let her know you love God, and will always search for truth no matter where it leads. You will always support and care for her no matter what.

Leave open ended statements like that on the table.

@sooner.......great quote!

sd-7

Yes, there's always a girl, isn't there? Stick around here, pal. Read my story. Don't bother with this one. And definitely don't trust her. If you are having doubts about the organization, the one thing you must always remember is to trust no one with your thoughts. It's the hardest thing to keep one's mouth shut sometimes, but better for everyone in the end.

Some people start out with doubts and then ricochet right back into the thick of the JWs. So...you can't be sure of anything here. Get educated, get paid, get out of dodge.

--sd-7

00DAD

I've had this strong suspicion that most JW's secretly have allot of doubts, but are too afraid to let them fester.

Even the True Believer has doubts. - John le Carré, "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy"

whathappened

Since people are noticing your depression, play that up to your advantage and do a slow fade. Easy to fake and everyone can relate.

LostGeneration

Sounds like a fishing expedition on her part to me. Who knows what her motives are, but if you aren't ready and willing to be outed, say nothing at all to anyone, you simply cannot trust an active JW with this kind of stuff.

And don't worry about being a failure, you've barely started! The thing to do is educate yourself about anything and everything that you have an interest in at this point. That will be your guide in the future.

Tiktaalik

Noonehome: you write clearly and you express your feelings and thoughts with clarity. You are obviously an intelligent young person.

You would do well at university. Do not squander your abilities. Get a tertiary education. It will be difficult and challenging and the best thing that you have ever done.

jws

Little confused and it seems a bit vague. You care about this girl in a friend way or a potential relationship? I'm guessing relationship.

That's tricky. BTW, my first thought was it sounded like she may be setting you up, fishing.

As a relationship goes, I don't think you really want to touch that at this point. You're young, the desire to be with somebody is always strong, but there's too much risk, so use your head. It's not going to happen any time soon anyway. She's going off for a year and long distance relationships are difficult at best to maintain. You're in college, you'll be meeting new people. She'll be meeting new people where she's at. There's a lot of chance either of you will meet somebody else.

If you're here on this site and the way you've been talking, chances are you are on your way out of JW land. By the time she gets back, you could be gone.

Don't write the letter for her to be opened after she leaves. That's not a good move. What're you going to say? How much you care for her in a non-friend way at a point when neither of you is going to see each other for another year (or rarely). What's she supposed to do with that?

And if you do try to make a go of a relationship, what's going to happen if you're not a JW by the time she gets back and she's still a gung-ho JW? Why do that to her? Tie up a year of her life only to return to somebody she isn't going to want.

Or are you going to write to her you're not into the JW thing? Put it in writing? Are you kidding me? Don't do that either. That could be forwarded right to a judicial committee.

You just plain don't know where you're going to be at. Why drag her along with you on your journey? Wait for her to confess to doubts. Better yet, let her know she can always talk to you, no matter what. Then you go do what you need to do. Fade, dissassociate yourself, or let them come get you.

If you leave and she has doubts too, she will probably call you, especially if she cares for you. And at that point, you can work out your belief issues and discuss a relationship. However, if she remains a gung-ho JW and doesn't call, it's better off for both of you.

ABibleStudent

Hi noonehome, According to Steve Hassan, all JWs have an authentic persona and it sounds like your friend's authentic persona has difficulty shunning exJWs. Unfortunately, which is more dominant? Her authentic persona or her cult persona?

Tread carefully. You should read Steve Hassan's books like "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs" to learn how to show her unconditional love and asking her simply questions about how she feels and about how she feels about the behavior of other dangerous cults without stating anything about the behavior of the WTBTS. If you feel comfortable reading the Bible with her, you could ask her about scriptures that portray the Pharisees and Sadducees as members of dangerous cults.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

There's this girl...

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