I suffer from depression - Should that stop me marrying and having kids? (page 2)

Cagefighter

Is it even an option? Burn that bridge when you get there. It sounds like you are feeling anxious which leads to depression.

If your depression is not controlled by medication, therapy or other means, then I would not have children. Raising children is difficult at best, and if you are depressed, it would be even harder. Children are very self involved creatures, and they will not know the difference between a depressed parent and one that just doesn't care about them. Even if you are doing all the things that they need (food, clothing, etc.), They will know you are not there emotionally.

If you can get your depression under control and are willing to do what it takes to keep it under control and put the needs of your children first, then by all means go for it. Children can add meaning to your life and give you a reason to live, but don't have them for that reason.

Dismissing servant

Do you already have a girlfriend? In that case you might see how being in a relationship effects you. Du you feel happier when you are together with her than you are when on your own?

Lady Lee

As with any chronic illness it is important to see professional help to deal with it. Sometomes chronic depression is a result of the situations that many cult/abuse survivor experiences. This can often be deal with in therapy. But sometiems depression is a chemical imbalance int he brain and requires long term help - for some even lifetime medication.

The inportant thing to do is to start the process by talkign to your doctor and accept whatever treatment or referrals he or she might make.

There is no reason why marriage and a family has to be forgotten as long as you are accepting and using the help that is available to you. I would certainly recommend that a person have their depression under control regardless of the cause before making any life altering choices.

Mum

I am not a mental health professional. However, I have suffered from depression in the past, and I can share what I've learned.

My depression, I believe, was situational. When I changed my circumstances and began to feel in control of myself and my life, I was no longer depressed. I tried some medications, but they made me worse. If you go on medications, be sure to communicate with your doctor if you have undesirable side effects, and he or she can change it.

As to marriage and children, there may be some things to consider. You need to advise a prospective mate of your problem and be sure she accepts you just as you are and does not think she can change you or cure you. If you need some alone time because you're not in a cheerful frame of mind, allow yourself to have it, and be sure your wife understands in advance that this may happen from time to time.

If you have children, do you have a support system so that someone else can care for them if you are not up to it? Children are inclined to accept their parents no matter their problems. They just need your unconditional love and acceptance. They do not need you to be perfect.

Take care of yourself. Wishing you the best,

SandraC

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

To tell myself that I shouldn't get married and have kids because I've suffered from depression... would be even more depressing. Now that I'm inactive, depression doesn't bother me much, now it's more anxiety with the demands of school. But I often think it would help to give me a feeling of direction, purpose, and motivation if I had my own family.

LoisLane looking for Superman

Read jgnat's list. It looks like 1/2 of Hollywood is on it!

Usual...If you find someone to love, your happy hormones turn on, and on, and on. Can't fight it, until you try it!

Just Lois

Xanthippe

Some people are born will low serotonin levels just as others are born with low insulin levels. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter, a vital chemical needed for the brain to function correctly. It can be replenished with SSRI anti-depressants (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor). The most important think to know is that stress, particularly prolonged stress depletes Serotonin. If you are thinking about your future, marriage, children etc., you may frst need to find out a few things about yourself. Was it your life as a JW and the chronic stress involved in that life that caused you to be depressed? Was it a particular event or trauma? Or are you a person with low serotonin who will need to be aware of stress management and/or occasional SSRI meds to keep your brain chemistry on track? Whatever the cause it is not your fault. The brain is a very complex electro-chemical apparatus. Take care of yourself.

rubadubdub

Usual User Name, I have waited to answer your question, as I wanted to give it some thought. At first, I thought that I shouldn't be the one to answer, because I am the one who has suffered from not only severe, recurrent clinical depression, but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well. I thought that perhaps my hubby, Bethel Yellow Dollar Bag should be the one to answer. We have been married for nearly 35 years and he has stood by me through some dark times. He feels that depression is on a spectrum like many other conditions. You say your therapist says yours is bad. The good thing is that you seem to be addressing it. He also says genetics is a crap shoot, and if we looked at our genetic family tree, none of us would have children-- heart disease killed both my father and my paternal grandmother each at age 54, diabetes and high blood pressure run in my family, as well as severe mental illness (schizo-effective disorder, severe bi-polar disorder, personality disorders, severe clinical depression), alcoholism and addiction.

The posters that say that depression can be situational or bio-chemical are right. It could also be both. In my situation getting out of the bOrg felt euphoric at first, but my depressive symptoms settled back in about six months later, so I needed to get busy addressing it. My body just does not get along with medications. I wear a medic alert bracelet for my anaphylactic allergies, carry an epi-pen and an Excel spreadsheet full of lower level reactions and side effects to meds in my wallet. Lol!

I believe that having a plan of action to deal with your depression is key. Mine is:

1. Don't drink. Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking is not an option for someone with any level of depression.

2. Make "Suicide is not an option." your mantra.

3. Actively work at doing everything you can do to alleviate your depressive moods/thoughts including therapy, a good diet, daily exercise outdoors, regular sleep. Practice some form of meditaton, mindfullness and or yoga. Get in your body and out of your head. Living in the moment beats ruminating over the past or anxiously anticipating the future.

4. Make calling Dr. PCP your first action. Establish a really good relationship with your primary care physician. Make him/her your keeper of all records. Have all test results from other doctors sent to your PCP. Give written permission for your PCP and your therapist and any other prescribing physician to speak to one another. My APRN and my PCP have agreed that we are out of prescription meds alternatives for my depression at this point. I am on a low dose of anti-anxiety meds and see my primary care doctor once a month at this point. I'm doing very well, but it takes commitment and work!

5. I highly recommend using an APRN over a psychiatrist for meds. Here in the USA a psychiatrist only sees you for 15 minutes a session. This is unexceptable and dangerous. I was hospitalized and nearly died from over-medication by a psychiatrist that didn't take the time to listen to my side effects. An APRN (Nurse Practitioner) is highly qualified to prescribe meds, does not charge as much, and your appointments will range from one-half hour for a meds-only check up to an hour if you are using your APRN for therapy as well.

6. If after a year, your therapist is not helping you, try a new form of therapy (Don't wait a year if your gut tells you that you and the therapist are just not a good fit.) I found that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy just didn't work for me, I was too depressed to think straight enough to get it. Just sitting there and talking out my problems didn't help at all. There are some really flakey theapists out there, trust me on that one. Move on if it isn't working.

7. Try DBT Therapy. It is an evidenced-based therapy (meaning your insurance will gladly pay, because it works!) It will be four months of twice-weekly group sessions to learn skills and go over homework assignments, and there will be once weekly individual sessions. You will be doing intensive work! There are four modules: Mindfullness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Self-Regulation and Inter-Personal Relationships. One of the things I learned right away was that the bOrg takes away all, and I mean all of your "Legitimate Rights". You will learn how to assert your rights in a healthy way.

YOUR LEGITIMATE RIGHTS
You have a right to need things from others.
You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.
You have a right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.
You have the right to your opinions and convictions.
You have the right to your experience - even if it’s different from that of other people.
You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
You have a right to negotiate for change.
You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).
You have a right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.
You have a right not to justify yourself to others.
You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.
You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.
You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.

8. Make no major life decisions in a depressive state. Make no major life decisions for a year following a life changing event, including an in-patient hospitalization or an intensive out-patient hospitalization.

With regard to your question about children. If you find someone who loves you and there has been full disclosure about your depression and you remain determined to address all isues, you and your partner will be able to make the right choice. My hubby and I have raised two beautiful (inside and out), talented, well-rounded children who are hard-working adults who give back to their community. Also, I personally believe that the decision to have only two children was the best decision for us. Hubby was a lonely only child, and I was raised by an alcholic father and a mother with an untreated mental illness. They had five children. We lived in chaos.

PS Don't be put off that DBT was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder. It is now known to be extremely helpful to many people with varied mood disorders.

Obviously, all of the above is my opinion, and you only can make the best decison for your health care and for your life. Free will is liberating!

return of parakeet

I've suffered from bouts of major depression ever since my twenties (I'm now in my sixties). During my first bout, I had to be hospitalized because the drugs available for depression back then were only moderately effective.

Nowadays, I take Celexa when I sense depression coming on (you know the symptoms -- weird sleeping patterns, withdrawal from others, sense of hopelessness, inability to cope, thoughts of suicide). The meds they have now are amazing.

I also regularly see a psychiatrist, who monitors my mood level and adjusts the meds accordingly. This is very important.

And, BTW, I married in my twenties, am still married to my loving husband of 40 years, and we reared an incredibly wonderful, depression-free son, who is now married and has a child of his own. Life is good.

Get treatment!

Parakeet

I suffer from depression - Should that stop me marrying and having kids?