I have lunch monthly with my only friend left in the bOrg. Today was the day, so I have been reading the threads on planting seeds and asking questions in preparation. We talked for about two hours. Here are portions of conversation as I remember them. We talked about how we are each doing. We both have mothers with Alzheimer's disease and pre-existing mental illness. We were both neglected and abused as children. She has an "unbelieving mate" whose family gave him "Apostate literature" when she first started studying and has continued "to give her a hard time all these years." Before I woke up, I raised my children In the Lie alone, after my husband faded when my son was an infant and my daughter was a toddler. My friend recently started seeing a therapist upon my recommendation; she is really struggling with depression. She brought up the topic of boundaries. This is where things got interesting:
Friend: "We both grew up in homes where there were no boundaries."
Rubbity: "So true. In fact, I am learning in therapy about boundaries and about our legitimate rights as human beings. I feel like I've lived my whole life without clear boundaries. I really believe that the society has crossed some boundaries as well. For example, there have been rules about relations between husband and wife that have been made, retracted and re-stated. In the end they are staying out of it, since there is no scriptural basis for getting involved. Do you think the society has crossed any boundaries?"
Friend: "Very much so! Absolutely, there have been boundaries crossed. I think a lot of the time many of us just do what we want and keep it to ourselves. For example, Sister M. was really upset that she couldn't go to her own daughter's wedding. Yet, there are baptized adult children who are not witnesses now, and their parents are still very much involved in their lives and in their grandchildren's lives. They just keep it quiet."
***
Friend: "So, I just want to let you know that the Memorial will be at the usual time and place." (Not at our local KH due to overcrowding and parking issues.)
Rubbity: "I knew you would ask, and I love you dearly. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just can't see myself going. I would feel like a hypocrite."
Friend: "Why would you feel like a hypocrite?"
Rubbity: "Well, as you know, I've been keeping up on the current literature on JW.org, and I know that I am not following the latest direction from the Faithful Slave on shunning. I can't shun my son, and I won't. I can't in all honesty sit there and represent that I am doing what is expected of me. It makes no sense to me that I have to shun my son, because he was disfellowshipped. My daughter committed the same sins that my son did, just not as openly. She just walked away. He was out of his mind with grief and acted out. Does it make sense that I should shun my son and not my daughter as well?"
Friend: "Only Jehovah knows your heart. You stayed loyal to Jehovah through so much, where others would have just threw up their hands and said, "Enough!" He knows you are doing the best you can right now, so I don't think He would see it as hypocritical."
Rubbity: "But I would. I have always been completely honest with the elders. As you know I have explained to them that, no matter how hard I have tried, I just can't see myself happy in paradise without my husband or children. If Jehovah were to take away all remembrance of the pain, I would have to forget that I was ever a mother or a wife. How would I even be the same person? I would not be me. I also told Br. W. that I was having a really hard time witnessing to one of my return visits. I knew if she accepted a study, and her husband didn't, I would feel responsible for putting her and her family through the same pain you and I have experienced. All he could say to me was, "At least she would have Jehovah", and then he walked away."
Friend: "I have always known you to be completely honest and up front and would expect nothing less from you. I really respect you for that. I just have to believe Jehovah would be merciful and just. He saved Rahab and her entire family who were not his servants. He knows what is in your heart, and he knows you are having a really hard time right now."
Rubbity: "One thing that really scares me, is that if the brothers told you to shun me, you would have to."
Friend: "I don't even want to go there. I don't want to overthink it. (She was literally holding her hands to both of her temples at this point.) I honestly don't know what decision I would make in that situation."
Rubbity: "But it may well come to that. (Both of our eyes were tearing up at this point.)We can feel what we want, but it comes down to the fact that we have to believe and teach what the Governing Body tells us to believe and teach at any given time.
*** I don't remember how we transitioned to this:
Rubbity: Think of it this way, there are about 7.5 million witnesses now and about 7.5 billion people in the world. That's about one witness saved to one thousand people destroyed at Armageddon. Of that thousand would be approximately 300 innocent children. (Friend is a retired K-1 st grade teacher.) I just don't see Jehovah doing that, do you?"
(Long pause, glazed eyes, clear cognitive dissonance going on. Friend looks at watch.)
Friend: "Oh, look at the time. I have to get going!"
...OUTLAW