One year anniversary on JWN & some updates (not so good news)

by Kool Jo 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kool Jo
    Kool Jo

    Good day everyone….it’s been approximately one year since I’ve been on JWN, not as active as I want to, I guess I will be as time goes on.

    It’s been an interesting year since been fully awaken about the lies behind the BORG…thanks to this site, along with the many well put together blogs from Cedars, Marvin, JWFACTS, Randy & others, life has been much better for me. I no longer have to worry about being put to death at Armageddon or worry about those who were critical of me going to College or choosing a good job that allows me to travel.

    Through my company, I’ve also done some voluntary activities to help those who are less fortunate. This is something that is very close to my heart! It really saddens me that the WTBS has the resources to be more helpful in the various communities across the earth, but refuse to.

    I can’t thank ya’ll enough for your advice, encouragement & well wishes!

    As you all know, my fade has been going very well…of course, over the past year, I’ve attended the Khall just a couple times when my parents come to stay over for the weekend or when I go back to my home congregation to visit “home”. Additionally, no FS for me, except for once or twice when I visited my dad for a couple days.

    All was going well until a couple weeks ago, when I ran into a CO who I remember from when I was much younger…he served in my parents circuit about 12 years ago. Back then, I had my doubts, but went with the flow….to cut a long story short, this CO had an interest in me, he thought I’d become the next CO or move on to become a bethelite. He has always maintained contact with my parents and always asked for me. My parents told him which state I was in and which congregation I should be with, it just so happens that the city where I’m at now, hosted him and he was expecting to see me at the meetings and field service!!! When I ran into him, he asked if my publisher card is at the local congregation where I’m currently working, to which I responded “NO” and told him I want it to stay in my parents’ congregation. He’s also aware of the fact that I stepped down as an MS a few months ago.

    He asked the local elders to “follow up” on me…I guess in hopes of me becoming an MS again. Under compulsion by my parents, I attended one of the meetings on a Sunday…of course…the love bombing and one of the elders said to me that he wants us to talk. This was the first time I’m seeing the new 16 page magazines… I went to the literature counter, took up a couple of them & realized how poor the quality is. The public talk almost made me puke…It was about how the GB loves the congregation, dis-fellowshipping is a loving provision from Jehovah and a bunch of other garbage!

    Apparently, the CO told them that I once served as an MS. I told the elder that I won’t be here much longer and that my company is sending me to a country overseas. I also told the CO the same thing and that I actually love my job!

    My company is planning to send me to one of their offices in another country in April, unfortunately, acquiring a work permit to go to this specific country is harder than expected, so there may be some delays.

    I know that a “fade” must come to an end eventually, but how do you make that transition from fading to complete non-association with the cult, especially when you have family? I know I have to be honest with myself eventually, but my mum suffered severe depression some time ago, and from a young age told me that if I left the “truth”, she’d become very depressed. Also, my dad is one who worries quite easily…I also don’t want to be blamed for my parents having any mental/medical problems…I’m between a rock & a hard place!!!

    Thanks for listening, just need some advice!

    Peace

    Kool Jo

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    The worst thing to do when the shit hits the fan so to speak is PANIC. It will cause you to make bad decisions, usually when you are looking at things short term.

    Simply keep on working toward your goal, getting out of the country and working in a new area. If you have to go to a meeting here and there, so be it. Take your phone and surf the net if you have to. Go outside for a breath of fresh air. Make up a "back problem" that requires you to get out of your seat and stretch.

    If mom and dad come questioning, reassure them that you are feeling and doing great. You will get back in the swing of things once get settled, even if it takes a decade, they don't need to know that now.

    GOOD LUCK!

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    The elders, COs, etc. only have the power you give them. Your parents are only responsible for their own salvation. You are an adult, if your mother is depressed, that is her problem to deal with, to blackmail you to stay in this religion because she has mental issues is selfish and futile.

    Think about the future. If you have children someday, would you blackmail them into becoming or staying in a religion that you like, even if they hate it? This is the path you are going down if you let your parents choose your religion. If you stay in this religion, your wife and future children will be in this cult as well. You could then be forced to shun your children as well, should they choose not to be JWs.

    It's your life, and your choice.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    You know, you're not responsible for how your parents feel. As an adult, you're going to make choices they don't like. That's part of growing up and leaving the nest. You're on your own, you have to make the best choices you can for yourself. They have to deal with it however they choose.

    They could say, for instance, "tell me more. I know you're intelligent. What's your objection to the "truth"?" They probably won't, of course, but they do have that choice. If they choose to close their ears, sing lalalalala so they don't hear anything uncomfortable and reject you, well that's their choice, too.

  • whathappened
    whathappened

    Just stay the course, if you don't, you will blow the fade. Just fade farther, farther, farther...gone.

  • transhuman68
    transhuman68

    It is always difficult. Maybe your parents already suspect that you're not keen on the religion- that helps. If you do make a decision; stick to it- just keep saying no; otherwise it could get messy if you raise their hopes again that you will return. And your parents have their own lives with their own concerns- you are not responsible for making them happy or sad- especially when you are overseas. It might just be best to tell them as little as possible- stop them worrying.

  • TotallyADD
    TotallyADD

    Hello Kool Jo. I know you feel you are between a rock and a hard place but LisaRose, Hortensia and transhuman68 are all right about your parents. You are a adult even though your parents do love you they do not have the right to tell you what you should do with your life. JW think the father is the head of the house and that goes out to married or single adult children who do not live with them. So they feel they can control you. Your mother who fights with depression I hope is getting help from a doctor and not the elders. I know guilt is a strong emotion. So kick back and think these things through. Also CO's love to get hold of young adults like you and in there mind save them. That way the Borg gets another slave and the CO gets another feather in his hat. So hang in there. With time things to work out. Totally ADD

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    Sounds like things are going really well for you! I mean, who gets to fade in a different country? Sweet!

    Your parents are adults, just like you. They have the resources to handle unpleasant news. It's not up to you to protect them from their own emotions.

    You have to be true to yourself. Eventually, your parents will be gone, but you will have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

    Good luck with your fade!

  • thecrushed
    thecrushed

    Jws are huge on making you feel guilty for there emotional drama. My wife is doing the same thing to me because I refuse to attend the memoriol. I even have been asked to go by my stepmother who isn't a witness. My dad probably set her up to ask. This cult has taught them well the art of emotional control. After I said no to my wife she spent the rest of the evening crying. I didn't take the bait and stood my ground and didn't react. This morning she is back to normal. I have to treat it like a toddler is whinning or something.

  • Reopened Mind
    Reopened Mind

    Kool Jo,

    Fading is hard work. TotallyADD and I have been doing it for the last 6 years. We are doing it for our children and grandchildren. We moved a 1000 miles away from our old congregation to ease the transition as we gradually explained to our grown and married boys what we were learning. We are hopeful that our fade is shortly coming to an end and begin living an authentic life.

    I feel for you if you are keeping in touch with your parents even though you will be in a different country. It may make it easier to feed them a little at a time, and much harder for them to check up on you.

    Best of luck.

    Reopened Mind

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