Identity Crisis: Who Am I?

by Emery 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Emery

  After learning TTATT, I have completely abandoned Christian fundamentalism. Thus, dropping many superstitions, prejudices, and biases associated with legalistic interpretations of the bible. Although I am agnostic, I still adhere to many Christian principles, not because I think they are divine truths, but because I've benefited from the wisdom.

  Since I no longer believe in the inspiration of the bible, I repeatedly find myself falling into questions of conscience, ones which I've never faced before...

  WHO AM I?

  Who am I going to be now in disbelief? Who am I now without the fear of divine judgment? Who am I now that I am no longer bound by scripture but by the law of the land? What are my convictions? What prevents me from…

  · Smoking cigarettes?

  · Doing drugs?

  · Becoming a drunkard?

  · Cheating on my spouse?

  · Bad work ethic?

  · Gambling?

  · Being dishonest?

  What are my views now on controversial subjects like…

  · Gay marriage

  · Fire arms

  · War

  · Politics

  Before, I had prescribed responses for all these situations. Fear of being disfellowshipped, reproved, or destroyed at Armageddon shaped my actions for 2 decades. Now at 27, I am re-discovering such views as a stranger in my own body.

  All of my opinions hinged on the authority of the bible and the influence of the Society. The theocratic laws of the Watchtower left little room for the human experience—that is—the natural development of personal integrity and individual conviction. The ability to arrive at our own conclusion is suppressed.

  Examples of this behavior can be seen in JW youths who leave the organization and jump right into bad decisions. Not just youths but parents in their 40s and 50s, who have spent decades praying, reading the bible, and attending meetings, now living like irresponsible teenagers. I have personally observed this as I have woken up a few to TTATT.

  So here are my questions to you…

  Did you have an identity crisis when you learned TTATT ?

  For Believers:

  (Hypothetically) What kind of person would you be if God didn’t exist?

  Thanks, I am looking forward to your replies!
• 

  DNCall

  I think you touched on the heart of the matter in your post. Fear, the Bible, or some higher authority, can induce you to be moral, sensible, honest, health-conscious, etc. Or--and this is whether you believe in God or not--you can manifest these qualities because you appreciate their intrinsic value. In such a case you identify yourself as one who wants to improve himself/herself and be of greater value to others. It's not a bad way to live either.
• 

  The Quiet One

  I'm the same person deep down, just less tolerant of arrogance/judgementalism and more tolerant/empathetic towards those with 'problems' such as regularly drinking and smoking. Not boasting, but just as an example, even since I've stopped believing that a God is watching me I have still handed in money people have lost/helped elderly people etc.. On the other hand, people being petty or making up stupid rules I have far more trouble dealing with, less patience in a way. Sometimes I feel like just screaming ''do you not REALISE that we're all just going to die one day, and this planet likely reduced to rubble/burnt up etc. and even that doesn't really matter?? You can stick your silly little rules and politics where the sun doesn't..'' .... Excuse me for that rant :) ... You are who you are. As to self-destructive behaviour, ask yourself why you'd WANT to act in that way. If you believe this is your only chance at life, why throw it away and end up miserable? You will find/already know what you can do to make others happier or help people in need. Now you can choose your own purpose, rather than being given one by a really old book..
• 

  villagegirl

  Hello ? You are made in the image of God, remember ?

  There is a spiritual world and a physical world.

  There are spiritual beings and earthly beings.

  You have choices. You can see the results of being a

  drug addict or cheating and lying to someone you love,

  which will bring them pain. You can see the advantagees

  of honesty, kindness, being productive and creative,

  being in community and working for the good of the community.

  These things are self-evident. The results of smoking is well known.

  The results of over eating is evident, the results are visible.

  The results of being a drug addict is mental and physical decay.

  You don't need threats, hellfire, or Armagedon to "restrain" you,

  you have self control, you have the ability to reason,

  thinking ability and the ability to love. Good is BETTER than bad.

  People choose good because they are uplifted by doing what is right.

  Right and wrong are known even to two-year-olds. Its in our design.

  We seek order in our lives because chaos is painful.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  Did you have an identity crisis when you learned TTATT?

  If you were raised in the org, it is normal and natural to have an idenity crisis when you leave the org. It is the same idenity crisis teenagers normally progress through as they grow into adulthood.

  It is our job as teenagers to figure these things out. It is at that time of life that we figure out who we are, and by the time we are in our 20's most people have formed some kind of an identity for themselves.

  People raised in the org do not get to do this important work of growning up. People raised in the borg must take on the ready-made idenity of a JW.

  So, once we are out of the JWs we have to figure out about ourselves what most people figured out about themselves when they were younger. What do I believe? What is important to me? Who AM I?

  Try things out, learn, keep your eyes open...that's how teenagers do it... :) It takes most people from about 12 to 22 to do this work, so give yourself a few years and have fun being your true self.
• 

  perfect1

  Hi emery,

  You touch upon a central JW myth- that without the rules you will be an immoral person.

  In my own life, when I really decided to leave it behind- I gave my self freedom- Freedom first to think. Freedom to think whatever thought came in my head and not judge or stop it. Then freedom to do whatever I wanted. Sex, drugs, alcohol. Sure.

  Thing is I am not really into those things- sure I took some risks but never crossed the line into an STD ridden addict. Thats why they are called one night stands, experiments, or whatever. Gambling, sure I play some slots- but also not really my thing.

  You say:

  WHO AM I?

  Who am I going to be now in disbelief? Who am I now without the fear of divine judgment? Who am I now that I am no longer bound by scripture but by the law of the land? What are my convictions? What prevents me from…

  · Smoking cigarettes?

  · Doing drugs?

  · Becoming a drunkard?

  · Cheating on my spouse?

  · Bad work ethic?

  · Gambling?

  · Being dishonest?

  I would just like to offer the observation that you are operating on assumptions about human nature being inherently sinful and immoral. Yet millions of people without fearing an external deity and following an ancient code are good decent folk.

  To me, an everyday display of basic human decency is that we all STOP at traffic lights and stop signs. We dont have to. Sure you could get a ticket, but somehow we have all agreed in a social contract that stopping is good for everyone.

  You have to live your life, test your limits, experience what you believe. Eventually you will gain confidence that you are not one martini away from despicable.

  If you dont have an opinion, its not like you need one immeadiately. You can try to argue both sides of an issue and see where you come out.

  Cheers! You are young, so you can spend the rest of your life figuring it out. If you can, I would recommend taking a scoail psychology course at your local community college. It will open your eyes.
• 

  Captain Blithering

  Yep. What they ^^^^ said!

  I think I'd be the same, cos I've always had a strong sense of myself, my own opinions, a terrible despicable 'independent attitude' , except I'd be able to vocalise these opinions without fear of reprisals..

  I don't think I'm going thru an identity crisis, my crisis is not being sure of the universe anymore. I was before, I'm not now!

  If I class it as a midlife crisis do I get a motorbike?

  Excellent post emery, very thought provoking..
• 

  Hortensia

  What prevents me from…

  · Smoking cigarettes?
  · Doing drugs?
  ·Becoming a drunkard?
  · Cheating on my spouse?
  · Bad work ethic?
  · Gambling?
  ·Being dishonest?

  I imagine the awareness of the harm it would do to you or others is what stops you. What makes you think that without god there are no morals? I believe that when you are convinced there is no god, you actually spend more time thinking about right and wrong, and do more to avoid harming others. At least that's my experience.
• 

  transhuman68

  I wouldn't worry too much. Sure, all the choices available may seem confusing to someone leaving a high-control group; but the core values that make up a person will be unchanged- just the peer-group pressure will be less. Commonsense and basic ethics that almost everybody has should be enough to keep someone on the straight & narrow- and lots of things are unimportant anyway. But LOL if you are like me, you will have to learn the hard way-
• 

  TotallyADD

  Many of my new friends are Atheist. They are not Amoral or lacking moral sensibility. Just the opposite. The ones I know believe with this one life they have one mission that is to make life better for everybody. They show the same moral attributes any reiligionous person would. One who feels they do they things because of fear of what a god would do to them. The diffrence is Atheist don't have a fear of some divine higher up looking over their shoulder judging them. They do this because they have develop within themselves a moral code of conduct. It is in all of us to do this. What I have seen you do not need religion to do this. Instead you have to work real hard on yourself to accomplish this. The problem is doing this is not easy and many fall into believing in a god to ease the hard work. Using that fear of a godly judgment like a crutch to keep them from doing bad things. I am not saying all Atheist are good moral people but like Christian there are bad apples everywhere. I do understand were you are coming from. I was there a few years ago. It takes time to mull all of this in your brain. But down the road you will find your real self and that is when you will be happier for it. My hope is everything will work out for you. Take Care. Totally ADD