What,s a dysfunctional family in your opinion???

by jam 16 Replies latest social humour

• 

  jam

  Just recently a family I know well (non-JW) big problems.

  I thought my family (my ex and my kids) and other Jw family

  members were dysfunctional but no comparison to this family.

  I have known families that became JW,s, their famliy were

  dysfunctional but in a strange way their family became strong.

  My thought , if you have one child that goes amok that ,s not

  a dysfunctional family (hell, Jehovah had one go astray).

  But if you have, lets say 4 kids and they all went nuts , that,s

  a dysfunctional family. What I mean when I said they went nuts,

  in and out of prison , drugs and etc.

  My son told me, dad our family is dysfunctional. I told him you are

  right son, Jehovah made it dysfunctional.

  So , what,s a dysfunctional family???
• 

  humbled

  When I started getting myself and mykids into counseling I came to think this:

  It may be that the main difference beyween two families having similar problems is one knows they are screwed up and are trying to do something about it--that's being functional.

  The other family just pretends nothing is wrong or just scapegoats the ones that are acting out.But they don't try to get help. That's disfunctional.

  It takes a while to comb the tangles out of a troubled family.
• 

  rubadubdub

  In my experience: "Dry alcoholic", lying, cheating dad paired with undiagnosed mentally ill mom leading to the perfect storm: child abuse (sexual, physical, verbal and emotional), neglect, mental illness, alcoholism and addition.

  The children are not taught healthy ways to assertivly express how they think and feel. They have no voice. This leads to backbiting, gossip, isolationism and mayhem between the siblings.

  Someone has to break the cycle. Someone has to get healthy and learn to set appropriate boundaries. Someone has to stop feeding the fire. That someone is me.
• 

  wasblind

  I grew up in a dysfunctional home, My dad was abusive to my mom

  not supportive to the family as a unit

  When she left that situation, she broke what could have become a cycle

  for her children. She taught us that we didn't have to live if fear and strife

  I agree Jam, There's usually one that will be more stubborn than the others

  and may need extra attention or it could be from a mental illness that's in need of treatment

  but when all your kids go nuts, somethin' is most definitely not right

  .

  .
• 

  gorgia

  'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' Tolstoy

  My family makes an episode of Eastenders look like The Darling Buds of May.

  gorgia x
• 

  Lady Lee

  It might be easier and faster to define what a healthy family is.

  Ideally a healthy family is one where each person is valued for who they are and who they want to become. Their ideas and feelings are valued and appreciate. They are encouraged and supported in whatever choices they make. From the time they are little and just taking their first steps healthy parents let them take that step, In fact they eagerly wait for it and support and encourage every effort to take that step even when they know the child will fall sometimes and get hurt. So the healthy family is there even when they know a child will make a decision that might hurt them.

  Healthy families also help a child learn how to make decisions. No parent will watch as a child climbs up the front of a bookshelf. The parent sees the danger, Warns them, removes them from that danger and suggests alternative ways to get what he wants, like asking someone for help. In the healthy family the child learns that he or she is listened to and needed help is given.

  The goal for the adults is always to respect one another even when you don't agree. And that respect goes down to the children.

  Anything that stunts the development of the children or that belittles, demeans, instills fear and/or the threator act of emotional, sexual or physical violence is dysfunctional. It can be impossible to see when you are in it because if you were raised in it everything looks "normal". And "normal" is very subjective. It can even become comfortable because you understand the rules of that life.
• 

  Balaamsass

  My opinion...lack of love or even understanding it. When each individual looks out for #1 first..be that booze, drugs,sex, money,self. Family #2 or #3.

  I know sooooo many disfunctional JW families. Parents wrapped up battling personal demons, and busy doing penance with WTBTS. Kids....what kids...? My wifes family..so prominant...but sooo mean spirited and dysfuntional.

  My mom and much of her family were simply a partiers and drunks who cleaned up well for meetings and knew the lingo. At least they new how to have fun and laugh.
• 

  wasblind

  Thanks Lady Lee,

  My fathers "Normal " was certainly not my mothers and I'm thankful for that
• 

  Terry

  A family is a collection of individuals in various states of "becoming".

  A dysfunctional family is one where an element of chaos exists in place of an enviornment of nurturing that "becoming".

  An analogy is a flower garden with varieties of roses and an ideal balance of sunlight, soil and moisture.

  Anything that throws this balance out of kilter creates a pressure upon survival itself.

  Too little light, too much water, weeds, pests, alkaline soil.....

  In a family, the same holds true.

  Bottom line, there is consonance where people find a way to achieve their needs as a group and then there is dissonance where the individual scuttles the group dynamic in pursuit of their own whims and the group be damned.
• 

  stillin

  Dysfunctional family...isn't that redundant?