Hey, GEEVEE ! This is quite a scary road to tread, you know !!
I had exactly the same thoughts nagging away in my skull a few days ago. I mean, I have now stopped attending the Kingdom Hall and ditched everything to do with the WTS. However, I just don't want to peer too deeply into some of those rather dodgy biblical accounts on account of what I might find ! At 50+, I wouldn't know where to go with my life if my belief in God - the entire structure on which I have built and lived my life was to suddenly crumble !
While the highly complex nature of organisms (including man) may suggest that they are products of intelligent design (and this is now my singular basis for hanging on to a belief in God), however, the manner in which these organisms interact, dominate and ultimately destroy each other to promote their own survival, simply doesn't make sense to me ! And this is why I dread going down this tunnel of reasoning because it really does scare the shit out of me, knowing vaguely as everyone else here, that I am likely to come out at the other end completely stripped of my belief in God ! I think I will just do a bit more research and if starts to turn really scary, I'll just bury my head in some sand and sing la la la and hopefully spend the rest of my days in bliss, playing the ostrich.
My belief in a Creator is what keeps me going in this filthy, cut-throat world. It was my search for this Creator and a desire to establish a direct relationship with him which led me into the clutches of the WTS, in the first place ! That belief has taken a good knock but it remains my anchor in the unceasing turbulence of life. It is my comfort blanket and my main recourse when my very sanity is threatened by the world around me. If I ever lost that belief, I would most probably lose my sanity and, humanity would be the worse for it as there is no telling what monster would be unleashed when one becomes very inward looking, selfish, mean and quite vengeful since there will be no hereafter and, therefore, no further opportunity to redress any injustice suffered now ! You see, one could become just as hard-nosed as the rest of the shark, sorry, human population !
It seems like a losing battle trying to establish as facts, events that have been attributed to a God who, today appears quite aloof and disinterested in helping truth seekers to sort out myths and outright lies from the facts, if ever those events did occur.
Sorry, if that was a bit of a rant. Just needed to get a few things out of my head and, if you are reading this, dear God, this has been an open letter to you !