background: I joined the JWs when I was 21, left about 11 years ago.
Up until recently, I had never been in a relationship that went longer than a few months. And that was just one.
I've been with my current for the past 3.5 years. She's, just, okay.
I've never felt like, oh, i love her so much. We've been together for a long time, so there is a bond, and at times I do feel affection for her. And I don't dislike her. (well in some ways i really do, but she has good qualities that i appreciate).
She has hardly any friends to speak of. Is financially hard up (i'm not, at all, the past few years have been pretty good to me). I feel like she's pinned all of her hopes and dreams in life on the success of our relationship. I do believe that she loves me, very much. But my feelings towards her have always been just lukewarm at best.
Things came to a head last weekend. We had previously discussed her moving in with me, and I told her I was okay with it, but i got cold feet. She left, haven't spoken with her since. I imagine she's spent the past few nights at home crying, crying, crying, crying, crying. She's like that; has a deep self-pitying streak.
I just don't want to hurt her. I really, really don't want to hurt her. An I'm not SURE that I really want to end things. I'm a lonely guy, not many friends either, and it is very rare that I make connections with women. And she might just be the best that I can expect. And I don't want to be alone.
Sad situation. I feel like she would be completely destroyed if i ended the relationship.
