Elder left a calling card - what's with that?

by Julia Orwell 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    He called me a week or two ago offering 'assistance' and told me he'd pop by some time with 'a packet of biscuits' and I told him to ring before he came so as not to show up unannounced. We went out yesterday, and this morning I find a little business card-sized calling card obviously printed up on MS Word and cut with scissors. On it is printed, "Sorry I missed you," and has his name and number, and the scripture from Romans saying something about an interchange of encouragement.

    Pretty inoccuous right? But for some reason it really stressed me out. I was explaining to my husband and he said, "It's just a card..." and I got all tangled up trying to explain that I told them to leave me alone and how come no one else from the congregation calls or visits, just the elders?

    I want to explain to him how even a little card like that is part of the hounding and control, but can't muster the right words. Mind you, my husband has stopped attending meetings too, but I think it's because he doesn't want me to stress out. And he's growing a beard and hasn't had a haircut.

  • Tylinbrando
    Tylinbrando

    It is stressful, because you don't know where it will lead to. It's like process servers trying to hunt you down.

    Try and keep a low profile and offer little to no communication.

    Hubby, the beard and hair says he is less stressed than you. ;)

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    I am a government tax auditor. When I cannot contact a taxpayer i have been assigned to audit, I will sometimes drop by to see if I can make contact in person. If no one answers the door, I will leave my business card taped to the door with a note to call me immediately. i do it specifically to get their attention and get them to talk to me. This is the same thing - the elder really wants to pin you down and make you talk to him. the difference is that he has no legitimate authority to do so, and you are under no obligation to comply.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    That is true. Thanks for the heads up, Finally Awake!

  • Comatose
    Comatose

    It would freak me out too. I get it. It's weird.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    Totally! I'm glad you understand. Every time some elder asks me what he can do for me, I say he can leave me alone and that I know where the KH is so know where to go if I want to talk to them. Then another one tries. There's just one in the cong who hasn't contacted me and I wonder if they're saving him up. It's a shame, because I really enjoyed going witnessing with that last one.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOOONE!

  • steve2
    steve2

    Is the elder wanting to visit to see you alone or to see you and your husband? I'd view it as especially intimidating if the elder has an intention of visiting you alone - it sounds inappropriate on so many levels. Then again, souns like he's on a fishing expedition - he's out to find something he can take back to the body of elders. Keep any answers vague and non-incriminating - unless you don't mind being turned on and apostasized by proxy.

  • nugget
    nugget

    It is stressful because it shows a complete disrespect for your thoughts, feelings and expressed wishes. It means that they can and will visit unannounced and that they are in control of when they turn up at your house and not you. It is basically an effort to reassert their authority however clumsy.

    However that being said your home is your home and if they turn up announced then state that further visits are unwelcome unless they are expressly invited since they have not respected your wishes. You are aware of their concern and know where they are so will contact them if you have need of their assistance and encouragement. Then say goodbye and shut the door. How polite you choose to be will depend on you and your circumstances. They only have the power over them we choose to give them.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    Then they shall have none. I shall be polite for as much as I can, but they shall have no authority over me.

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