This is so difficult (page 2)

LouBelle

Hi Dissonance_Resolved: This is not an easy decision. If you do go through with it you have to accept the consequinces and if your freedom and happiness are worth it. As St.Anne said - in the beginning it does hurt. I have family in that I haven't spoken to for close on 8 years - they are strangers to me now - I have seen them in the shops and they have seen me, there is nothing there anymore. Sad, but true.

You have to weigh up the pros and cons. Can you continue in the religion and fake it? or perhaps just miss a meeting here and there, and then a little bit more often. You have to do what is best for you.

Strength to you.

man oh man

In the same boat here, just when I am ready to walk away my love for family and friends makes me change my mind. Good advice given though to take our time and when the time is right we can both do the best thing for ourselves.

Pistoff

TAKE IT EASY and slow; maybe stop talking about your doubts and just make up excuses for not going to meetings.

I know it is hard, the anger is almost unbearable, but the best thing to do is just take a deep breath and take it easy.

Read all you can about cults and mind control religions, even read about origins of belief and changing concepts of god, this may take your mind off it.

Your witness mindset is making you think you must do something now, like wake your husband up or your parents, but this will probably backfire.

Something woke you up, they might not, or it might take a long time.

My other half is waking up now, but it has taken 10 years.

BU2B

I Know what you are going through, Dissonance Resolved. I hsve the same heart wrenching delimma every day. I cant handle the mental torture of faking meeting attendance, or anything JW related. I just want to be rid of it all, but the thought of the affect on others is too overwheelming at times. The stress this would cause my wife, the strain it will put on our marriage may be too great, losing my parents but I dont care If I never spoke to them again really, but I am sensitive to the heartbreak this will cause them, It will tear them apart. The only bright side is I have like no friends at the KH so thats less people to lose.

However I cannot be something I am not for much longer. And I refuse to have any hand in teaching my toddler daughter anything to do with this Cult, so I know what I have to do... It may be like ripping a giant bandaid off, or pouring antiseptic on an open wound, excruciating for a minute, but Its what has to be done for your own welfare.

You said its not their fault, and I agree with you to an extent, as they have been carefully indoctrinated. However it is they that will be shunning us, not us them. Anytime they want to wise up and not shun we will be there with open arms.

Best of luck to you, and we are in your corner, and you are certainly not alone. Stay Strong- BU2B

DesirousOfChange

In the same boat here, just when I am ready to walk away my love for family and friends makes me change my mind. Good advice given though to take our time and when the time is right we can both do the best thing for ourselves.

One of my best friends admits to "faking it". Simply not willing to lose family, friends, kids, grandkids, social network, support group that is there when you're at least a mediocre JDub. Fakes it at meetings with one comment per meeting. Fakes it in FS once per month spending lots of time @ Starbucks and driving from one end of creation to the other in the territory making NH RVs. Talks the talk. Limps the walk.

I've tried that. I puke.

There are many here with all kinds of advice as to what was good or bad for THEM.

Do what is good FOR YOU and yours.

Doc

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

dis_res: The important thing is that you're mentally "out". As already advised, take your time. It isn't as if armageddon is coming tomorrow and you have to stay in or get out ASAP. And things aren't as blank and white as you've been led to believe. That's part of the WT programming that if you leave the cult, you will lose all your family and friends, you'll be all alone and miserable, and you're life will spiral downhill into a mire of drugs, immorality, and dispair.

I was still attending for quite a while after I stopped believing. I stopped with the fake JW plastered on smile. When something wasn't right, I wore a puzzled look. I was careful about what I said, but my face could be clearly read. I started building my life and making plans outside of the cult and my family. Things have turned out for me much better than I expected. I've been able to keep the family that I wanted, and ditch the "friends" that I wanted to lose. It helped that I took plenty of time to plan and carefully read the stories of others here on the forum.

Kallam

You are on this earth once for a very limited period of time. Do not waste a single second of it.

Watchtower-Free

I also am in your situation with 20 close family in deep . The advice to take it slow

and think things out is VERY GOOD advice .

Keep doing the research about the false things in this cult . The longer you

stay away from being immersed in the cult the easier it is for the delusions

to fade.

Many many stories on this site of marriages destroyed when one says to much to soon to a spouse.

The same for family relationships .

Use your time to become a expert at rebuting cult logic . JWfacts.com is a great place to arm yourself .

ABibleStudent

Hi dissonance_resolved, If you still believe that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult and you want to have a relationship with your family, then I would recommend that you contact a cult exit counselor like Steve Hassan to get professional advice, or at the very least read his books and watch his videos. Knowledge is power and the WTBTS has no power over JWs if JWs start to critically think for themselves. It won't be easy for you, but you will be a lot happier when you remove the bullets from the WTBTS's shun gun!

There are several members of JWN, who have successfully helped, JWs to start thinking critically for themselves. I'm sure that they would be willing to give you advice about helping your family start to think critically for themselves.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

jgnat

I've been through some tough choices through the years, just not this one. I realized that my personal health matters more than anything else. If I sacrificed myself to the point that I was lost, I wasn't much use to anyone, was I? So the first priority is to be true to yourself. Second, I would say, is your husband. If it is the two of you, a team, you have each other through thick and thin. That's a security and a comfort that will help you through the bumps ahead. Extended family comes third.

Fades are slow. You have time to work this through. I think your husband will be even more appreciative to have you more available for him; emotionally, intellectually, through this illness. You don't have the distraction of the WT demands. I bet he will notice the improvement.

Let the extended family work through their grief as you withdraw from the WT demands. You will have your health, your sanity, and hopefully a new extended network of "worldly" friends.

This is so difficult

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