LABEL LICKER- Indeed, I understand what you are going through. You are right. This IS an evil organization, it's a mind control cult through and through to it's very core. I've been where you are at and what you're experiencing - as many others have gone through as well on this board. These elders have no conscience, no ethics, no morals, and no REAL human empathy. They are like the Nazi Gestapo in the 2nd World War - they have their instructions from WT Society leaders and THAT is the priority to follow in " keeping the congregation clean " ( getting rid of dissenters top priority - helping people NOT a priority ).
Elders came after me in 2007 even though I had NOT attended a meeting since 2003 in my " inactive " state. But you're right, like in my case they come after you based on gossip, unfounded or unsubstantiated rumors, and then if you DARE fight them or appeal a DFing decision like I did ( and you win like I did ) - then after you WIN your appeal the elders will gossip some more untruths about you because you pissed them off because you won your DF appeal ! So you win the battle , but lose the war so to speak because they'll slander and defame your character more - even though you win fair and square ! Lovely people, eh ? NOT.
So your idea of NOT meeting with them is a great idea. Don't waste your time. If they want to paint you as villains- they're going to paint you as villains and there really isn't a damned thing you can do about it if these elders have an axe to grind with you an want to malign your character to other JW's. Listen to what I say here, and this is important : Don't worry about trying to impress these weak minded people. It will cause you so much emotional duress fighting it, and then you'll get MORE frustrated if you think you've won- then find out they'll blaspheme you anyway.
It reminds me of some words from a David Gilmour Pink Floyd song that goes : " Well, I offered my hand to my enemy and I said " can we wipe the slate clean ? ' but they tell me to plase go " fuck yourself " - you know you just can't win. "
Point I'm making is some people just aren't worth impressing , these elders are some of those kinds of people. Just try staying close to your own family and don't waste any more time on JW former friends. They'll just stab you in the back. From one who has been there. I wish you the best, we are here fo you