My mother wants to see my kids

by mrsjones5 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  NeverKnew

  It sounds like all the judgement made it such that your parents have missed the lives of their grandchildren.

  doesn't make any sense.
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  Scully

  Someone who disrespects the father of my children loses access my children. That's the long and short of it. When they are prepared to rectify the situation, sincerely apologize, and make amends, then the situation may change; but it's all on them.

  For whatever it's worth, Josie, I understand your position and totally support it.
• 

  Mum

  This is a sad situation on several fronts.

  First, your children don't have a relationship with their grandparents. In my family, grandparents are important and helpful.

  Second, your parents have tried to put a wedge between you and your husband. What's "Christian" about that?

  Third, your parents ignore your kids, then expect you to just produce them on demand once they want to see them. Do they want to try to indoctrinate them? Why, all of a sudden, do they want to see your kids when they have contributed nothing to the kids' lives?

  I'd be angry. I admire your self-control.
• 

  GLTirebiter

  When I asked if she would like to participate in my oldest son's football fundraiser she said she doesn't do charity.

  You can't say it any better than she did!
• 

  nugget

  Your parents have behaved attrociously. I can fully understand why your husband does not wish them visiting at your home. A home is a place of security and respect. Perhaps a compromise would be to visit some neutral place and invite them to meet there. A park or restaurant, if they behave badly you can leave and hopefully in a public place they will be more restrained. The other advantage is that you can set a time limit and only stay for an agreed period.
• 

  Quandry

  Possibility 1. Could you meet them at a neutral location? If the conversation turns to your husband, and you just can't head it off, at least you are not in your home or theirs, and can tell them that you are feeling upset and need to leave.

  Possibility 2. Could you send a nice card to them, telling them you miss them, but explain that you have limited your contact with them because you must, as the Bible says, be one flesh with your husband, and that means you cannot listen to someone berating him in front of your children? Then promise that you can visit them more if they can show Christian love instead of the current disrespect.

  I am so sorry they are hard to deal with...on the other hand, when they are gone there is no second chance. Hope this helps.
• 

  mrsjones5

  I like the neutral location suggestions.

  I had hoped when I got older and the kids came along that my relationship with my parents would be calmer and easier. It hasn't worked out that way for me or my siblings. My brother even said recently that it would be a relief then they are gone, that he's of the mind that his mother died long ago and right now he's dealing with her rather painfully disagreeable ghost.
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  RULES & REGULATIONS

  Mrsjones

  My mother-in- law hasn't liked me from day one. She told me to my face that she never liked me and that she wished that my wife married her prior boyfriend . She's colder than ice.

  I only say hello and goodbye to her. I have never called her. I never visit her home over the holiday's when my wife and kids are invited. She has been in the hospital numerous times. I have never visited, sent a card or called to see how she is doing.

  My wife and I argue all the time about her mother. She will never understand why we dislike each other.

  Your husband sounds like a wonderful man to let you decide if your kids can see your parents. He's not missing much when someone dislikes you for no reason and is not welcome in your parents home. Worse is that your mother bad mouths your husband.

  Since your mom has no respect toward your husband you don't owe them the rights to see their grandkids!
• 

  mrsjones5

  You got that right Rules.

  The funny/strange thing about this is my grandfather (I'll call him "O") hated my father and his family with a passion. At every opportunity my grandpa O would tell us how my father was no good (wasnt true, dad in his younger days was a good father and fun to be around) and his father (grandpa B) was no good too (what grandpa O had against my other grandpa B was he felt he had too many kids - 14 in all).

  At one point my father would not come into his inlaws house because he knew he wasn't welcome.
• 

  unstopableravens

  tough stuff, yeah your kids are your priority, you seem like a good mother!