Relating to Non-JW's

by LucidSky 27 Replies latest social relationships

  • LucidSky
    LucidSky

    I read the "Ex-Witness singles" thread and it seems like a good idea. The thought has crossed my mind many times before since non-JW's often don't seem to care or understand. I would love being able to relate on something that has played such an important part of your lives (uh, understated - something your world is supposed to revolve around.) I still have yet to decide if that instant emotional bond is a good or bad thing though.

    My last relationship with a non-JW was not perfect, but it was wonderful nonetheless. However, even though we had a solid emotional connection, I always felt a gap between us that never seemed to close. My biggest turn-off? I really wanted her to try and understand who I am and why, but she showed only marginal interest in discussing religion (she was highly intolerant toward religion in general) and had almost zero interest in things JW-related. She never once took the initiative to learn more about me there, even after blatant prodding attempts on my part. It made me often recall this high school teenager that had a crush on me and then discovered I was a JW. She impressed and flattered me immensely when I learned she was going to the library and looking up information on the Witnesses.

    It should go without saying: At least try to take sincere interest in those things that are most important to your significant other!

  • Alana
    Alana

    I know just what you mean, Lucid....I've been hesitant in previous relationships because "being raised a JW" can sometimes be a difficult subject to 'tackle'.....and it usually comes up, especially around holidays or whatever, when your JW family doesn't do anything or, in the case of those DF'd or DA'd, when your JW family won't acknowledge you.

    Like you said, some just don't care or want to discuss...yet they still wonder why you are the way you are or whatever.

    My current relationship is so refreshing because he WANTS to know about these things and wants me to discuss whatever I need to, especially if it makes me feel better. And, he is secure enough in his own beliefs, while not being pushy, that he has helped in alot in regards to how some non-JWs might view things, etc.

    Before this relationship, however, I was thinking that the best thing would be to find another ex-JW who could relate to the various feelings one has and/or someone who would 'appreciate' the 'differentness' of growing up as a JW.....and who knows where they might be scattered. I still think it would be good for some ex-JWs and future relationships, etc.

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    LuSky,

    Some people don't relate to religion defining a person. Perhaps you should consider their definitions as being valid to them and that yours may not be even remotely interesting to them. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to get to know you, perhaps they are hoping you will grow out of an obsession with following the dictates of the Borg.,*#%??

    carmel

  • LucidSky
    LucidSky

    Alana I know exactly what you mean about holidays and birthdays. I remember a guy telling a story of these parents he saw in Toys-R-Us, buying up tons of presents. He asked what they were doing buying so much and they replied that they had forgotten their son's birthday and were going to make it up to him! Everyone was like, "Oh, that's so sad," and meanwhile I'm about ready to gag - my parents never had one for me.

    Carmel Yep. (I'm an ex, BTW.)

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Licid,
    Most people from the real world have no idea what JW is about and how it encloses your whole life. I sure didn't know much till I needed to look into it, and now I am fascinated and repelled by the weirdness of it. The reality is, in the world, some people are interested in those kind of philosophical discussions, and some just want to watch hockey on TV. Keep looking.

  • butalbee
    butalbee

    Lucid--please excuse my forwardness--but nice pic! How about a full length view?

    I actually studied and contemplated getting baptizied for this JW that I have been seeing...I let him into my heart and his beliefs into my mind. I thought about giving up my beliefs for him, cuz of love I guess...But then the real truth of the WT started coming into view.

    Religion should not have anything to do w/ LOVE. That is my opinion. People should not feel that they have to change for anybody, just so that they can be together. And one should not want to change the other, or desire the other to see things outside their beliefs...That's my opnion.

    Nice smile, BTW!

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    I have just broken off a relationship with a non-JW, and although he tried hard to understand where I was coming from, he could never fully understand how foreign many things that non-JW take for granted, were to me. Even walking into a pub by myself was a daunting propspect, because I hadn't (at that stage) been in that many pubs. Celebrating birthdays is still a novel concept for me. I really wouldn't know how to conduct one, if I had to host a birthday party.

    Anyway, that is where this board has been great. It has enabled us to talk to others who know what it is like to have had such an unusual life. Who understand the confusion of trying to assimilate into general society, without feeling like you have 3 heads or something.

  • LucidSky
    LucidSky

    Pris - I've read some of your posts. You sound like a sweet person. So what's your story - what made you leave?

    But - You know you made the right choice. Take it from a guy who was on the other side of that. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing trying to drag my girlfriend into it. I wanted her to change for me because I thought it was the right thing to do.

    Lucid--please excuse my forwardness--but nice pic! How about a full length view?
    Don't think so. Apparently all the naughty apostate women on this site have a secret underground where they trade all these pictures of board members.

    Alright, fine. Just one. Taken from the waist, down. Tell me if you like it.

  • noidea
    noidea

    Lucid..<gasp>...you mean there are naughty apostate women on this board?

    pssstt..Butal if you get a pic remember your fellow sisters.

  • Xena
    Xena

    All the OTHER ones do that Lucid....but not ME..I can be trusted...really...

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit