Life after DF/divorce

Freeof1914

Hello all,

i am just wondering how many here have gone through the experience of being disfellowshipped and divorced? I am currently in that situation and sometimes I am afraid of what to expect. Thankfully I have a good core of friends, but nonetheless I still find myself somewhat nervous of what to expect in my new life. I have been married to my wife for almost eight years and we have been in each other's life for over ten years. I am leaving the house in July and truly feel saddened because she has been my best friend and is an amazing woman. Yes she is angered by my choices, but I am able to understand her. I am aware that she did not get married with the idea that one day I would not be a JW and I have also made my share if personal mistakes. I don't plan on being serious with Amy other woman for some time I realize I have a lot to work on, but I am 31 and have no children a good career and do not want to be alone forever. I guess what I am wondering is, have any of you found yourselves in a similar situation? As ex-JW we carry a lot of baggage and issues especially for the ones that were born- ins such as myself. We're you able to find someone who was understanding of such issues? I am also missing my family dreadfully and feel as if my friend regardless of how great and amazing they are, will never be able to fill that void. Hoping to just gain some clarity and perspective from all of you. If any of you are in NYC would love to meet up and grab a drink and chat.

NeverKnew

Free, I have great news...

The answer to your primary question of whether you'll find people who are willing to try to understand your issues is yes. :)

I'm a non and never have been JW and there's a few of us here - probably because of experiences with other JWs who were in our lives. Not only am I interested in those who are like you, but I am fascinated by this group who I never knew existed like this. My heart goes out to all who are facing this awakening but, because of my experiences, my hands, heart and help will be extended to anyone who crosses my path who speaks of a JW exit.

Yes, there are others like me. :)

Also, see friends as people who contribute to the expansion of your thinking and perspective who also accept yours - however flawed you may think it is. It is yours. You may be surprised to learn that most in the world are not as critically judgemental as those within this faith seem to be. Also, try not to confuse judgement with a strong opinion. Some may have a confidence that you may not have right now.

Freeof1914

Thank you very much! An outside perspective is much appreciated. Your kind words mean a lot.

flipper

FREEof1914- I empathize with your situation. If I was in NYC I'd be glad to have a drink and chat with you. But I'lll do the best I can from California sitting here at my computer.

I've been where you are at. I was married 19 years to my JW high school " sweetheart " as they call it - and divorced in 1998. After we broke up I got DFed for about 4 years and stayed single for over 4 years. It was lonely indeed and I had joint custody of my JW teenagers. I briefly got reinstated due to being freaked out by the 9-11 attacks on NYC - got reinstated in 2002 but left the organization completely in late 2003 in just a fading, inactive state. After I stopped attending I divorced my 2nd wife who was a drug abuser and after a year and a half marriage I stayed single again for another 3-4 years. Finally I met my current wife on E-harmony .com and we have been married almost 7 years now. We are both very happy. So it can be done.

My wife now Mrs. Flipper was never a JW yet she totally understands the craziness and problems we encountered as JW's. She has been very understanding as both of my adult JW daughters shun me, although my adult son escaped the cult like I did. And we are very close. It's good that you have a circle of friends to talk with and that's what you indeed need right now. People who understand what you are going through and will support you as unconditional friends without any judgment.

You will face tough times, but in time it gets easier and the further you go on in life the more assured you will be that you made the right decision in exiting the Witnesses. As the expression goes " this too shall pass. " Also the pain gets easier to deal with the more time that goes by. You will find love again, just be careful not to get taken advantage of by unscrupulous individuals who may see that you are hurting and they take advantage of your hurt by trying to control or manipulate you. We already HAD that done to us by the JW cult- so you don't need THAT again. You need good friends who will listen and be there for you. I offer my friendship to you unconditionally. I will PM you my phone numbers if you'd like to chat sometime. Please check your PM's here in about 5 minutes. Take care, hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Watchtower-Free

Welcome

CyrusThePersian

I'm not disfellowshipped but I am a divorced fader. The best advice I can give you is to always look forward, never look back on what might have been. Instead try to build a new life, with your new, REAL friends.

I'm glad that you understand your ex-wife's point of view. Understanding the other person's feelings makes it easier to let go believe it or not.

As far as romantic relationships go, all I can say is that there is no need to push it, if it comes, it comes. I'm sure NYC is full of women who are beautiful inside and out. You are 31 so there is still plenty of time!

I'll finish by saying something heartfelt that we were told as Witnesses never to say:

Good Luck!

Hillary

Free of 1914, I sent u a PM

love2Bworldly

Sorry about your divorce. You are lucky you don't have children to fight over. You are still young with your whole life ahead of you. It takes a while to really feel clean from the brainwashing, so be patient with yourself. Don't be in a rush to have a committed relationship, take your time & date a lot of people to figure out what you want in another person. (I didn't say sleep with a lot of people, just date a lot of people LOL)

Become comfortable in your own skin, enjoy spending time by yourself & getting to know who you are. You will meet the right partner when you are not focused on looking for someone.

As far as missing your family, you may want to seek out counseling and do a lot of reading. The book Toxic Parents helped me out a lot. I only have one JW sibling, but my other family members are very toxic to me and mentally ill so I have had to cut them off also. This site will help you out a lot. People are very supportive and helped me out SO much when I was going through my divorce and my sister shunning me.

Best of luck to you

RayPublisher

Me too Mr. Free! I was married 20 years to a devout JW wife we pioneered, I was elder, etc etc then after waking up she kicked me out we are divorcing (almost final!!) and she ratted me to elders along with a couple friends. So I decided to let my light shine and tell the elders everything I learned and put it online for all to see so they DFed me and I am proud of it.

It's hard at first, but you will be FINE in time. You will be better than fine actually. If you want to chat email me and we can set up something!

Eric aka RayPublisher

jwstruggle at gmail dot com

jean-luc picard

Hi Free of 1914.

We're you able to find someone who was understanding of such issues?

In answer to your question, yes.

However, it is not wise to advertise upfront that you were a JW. But when to tell, that is the question

When the now MrsP found out I used to be a jw, ( from an exjw friend in common, ) she phoned me up ( we lived a long way apart ), to make sure that I was really out of it.

I was able to assure her, and 16 years later, we are still happily together. Today, we talk about my life, childhood, etc, as a jw. She realises that I am somewhat scarred from the experience, and she realises also, that I visit this site to find people that can understand more easily than she can.

Most of my inlaw family do not know about my past life. Its amusing, because one of my wifes cousins is a jw. A few do know but it took several years before I told them.

There is, of course, no garantees in life, but be assured, your life is not over. On the contrary,its just beginning.

I was like you. I did not want to spend my life alone. Maybe, in hindsight I ran after wouldbe partners a little too much. But one day, when I was not looking, I bumped into Mrs P. So take heart. Life will not always be easy. But it does hold out some wonderful surprises.

Good luck.

jlp

Life after DF/divorce

Share this