Out of the mental cell stuck in the physical prison......no-win situation (page 2)

FadeToBlack

Also in the same boat. I think my wife is actually doing more jw related activities to try and counter-act my fade.

It is extremely frustrating. Keep in mind Billy's recent advice about 'anger management'. Something I need to work on for sure.

BluePill2

Yep. Another "war" hero > Kensho

If it helps, I went through the exact same turmoil. Everybody else in this thread was/is in the same boat.

Basically you have to know yourself. It will be painful, nonetheless, if you decide to stay: pain because of the nagging feeling that you are giving up your Life, and the tremendous loss of freedom. If you get out: pain because of losing family & friends and starting to "re-invent" yourself!

I saw the other day a documentary about East-Germans that fled the GDR (German Democratic Republic) because their love for freedom was bigger than their fear of losing it all. They showed scenes of people that where heart wrenching. They would reach a point where they decided that leaving friends, family, house and belongings, secure jobs was better than staying imprisoned. Interesting to see how humans react if their mental or physical freedom is taken from them. Some of them left and never saw their relatives again. Most of them went to start a new Life in a new country (that wouldn't necessarily receive them with "open arms").

"Freedom or Death" - Emmeline Pankhurst (1858-1928)

Kensho

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions everyone, just a really bad night.

I do have a life outside the borg. great "real" career and successful local musician these do keep me sane. The problem comes down to just living a lie and forced to play this stupid game.

I just view the meetings and "fake" service time (maybe 1 hr knocking on not at homes) as the price of admission to the club where all the people I care about hang out.

ABibleStudent

"If JWs believe that Simon Peter said "Where are we to go Lord?" they need to read the Bible more than WTBTS propaganda. It is interesting how the WTBTS pretends to quote Bible scriptures in their propaganda so that JWs can demonstate how knowledgable they are of Bible scriptures - They're not!! "

I was purposely mis-quoting the scripture to reflect the mind set of witnesses, although it is true what you say about WTBTS propaganda.

SIAM

I must give credit where credit is due. I took the title of this thread from the excellent thread you posted , it really hit me and is so spot on, you are also one of the many posters on JWN that I enjoy reading.

Kensho

LisaRose

I am so sorry you are in this situation right now. I am sure there are many in your situation, and of course it is understandable that you do not want to lose everyone in your life because you no longer believe in this religion. You are the only one who can decide when and if it is time to leave, everyone's situation is different. I can only say that yes, it is difficult to take that step, and yes, there will be a price to pay, but there is also a heavy price to pay when you can't be who or what you are. Many who have been where you are do eventually leave, and they found it was hard at first, but then they were sorry they didn't do it sooner. My only suggestion is to cultivate friendships outside the religion, if you can, so you will have people you can talk to if your situation changes.

Take care

Lisa Rose

DesirousOfChange

Kensho, your post has obviously struck a chord with many of us here. Just look at all these replies from those who have lived in this "prison". Add me to the list. It is OH SO TRUE that you cannot talk to anyone. DARE NOT mention a thing to another JW if you want to stay "under the radar" with a fade. Don't bother trying to discuss with a worldly friend as they cannot begin to imagine what you are talking about. It is beyond their comprehension!! I couldn't even get a counselor to "get it". They think it's just like leaving any other religion.

My plan is to make the jump to complete inactivity using the "new light" about the FDS/GB BS in the July WT. on top of the already established overlapping gen. Crap, as my excuse and then out completely.

Your plan is apparently in use by MANY at this time. There seems to be at least one new member every day! It has to be the Dist Conv that is the present catalyst, as well as the New Lite on the GB/F&DS. I'm astounded how this has affected so many. Personally, I found the Overlapping Generations more ridiculous.

To everyone here: Thanks for the support. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for being here, even many of you who have already personally recovered!

Doc

Phizzy

I think now is an excellent time to jump ship, or at least when the July WT is studied. I was born-in, all my family in, all my "friends" I had grown up with, my whole network really.

I first stopped going in FS, saying I could not teach what was not in the Bible, i.e 1914, then 7 or 8 months later I stopped attending the K.H

The amazing thing was that, even though I was the best meeting attender bar none in our Congo, just a couple of guys called in to see me in the first few months, and these were good friends who were kind of "fringe", not Elders or anything.

Eventually I got the two Elder visit, which I handled well enough that they left me alone, not much flack from family, a couple of 'phone calls from Mother, but they died out. She never mentions it now. Now we have normal family relationships with the close ones, except we are not invited to weddings etc

All in all, a successful fade, with family as intact as is possible, what with them being Uber JDubs. We are not DF'd or DA'd, just inactive, non-attending, officially.

The fear of what you may lose may be worse than the reality, go for it, take your chance, get your life back.

Staying in while your brain melts and drips out of your ears "for family" is a Mug's game.

Bugbear

Hi there!

I was in exactly the same sit. for about 15 years ago. I just decided to become inactive, for a few years I kept on attending some meetings, but stopped even that. Many elders and CO has been visiting me during the years, but I think by now they understand that they lost another member. Luckely enogh I managed to keep my 6 children out of the cult, by insisting on their proper education. Still, my wife is a hard core JW:s. But today she´s the one that have truobles. I.am free, but feel sorry for her, not beeing able to bring me to any meetings at all. She also of course feel saad about "loosing all her children to Satan. What a wicked religion.

Bugbear

DeWandelaar

I know what you are going thru although I am a lot younger. The crappy thing about continuing though is that you get isolated. I admit I do not have any friends as such (only on FB and family of my JW wife). I feel alone a lot and to be honest... I can not cope with live that well lately. Sometimes I just want to leave everything behind (although I have three kids) but that feeling tears me apart.

I wish you the strenght to make the right decision

flipper

KENSHO- I can understand your dillemma . I'm sure it drives you nuts to have to fake it for the time being. No need for drastic action on your part if it's going to disrupt your life in a way that you won't be able to deal with or handle. You can still be true to your own set of beliefs while trying to keep the peace in your household regarding JW subjects. In time as you stated you may have to fade away a little bit more just to keep your sanity from not getting all that mind control garbage crammed into your head at meetings- but it's purely your call, it's your life and your decision. Just know that we are here as a support system for you when you need us, O.K. ? Many of us here understand what you are going through. Believe me

BU2B

Hello Kensho, I feel your pain. I am currently in just about the exact situation you are in, and I know the feeling. No real friends, no one to talk to who understands, cant even share whats most important with your own wife! The one you are supposed to be the closest with, hard to fade too much or make friends outside the WT without arousing the ire of the wife, and suspicion. There is no easy way out. We are going to feel pain, but at a certain point, the pain of ripping off the bandage so to speak will not be as painful in the long run, as a lifetime of stifling who you really are. The JWs are wrong, that we know. But It breaks my heart to know the pain my devout parents will feel when they will be forced to disown me and they feel I am falling prey to satan. Of course I know they are decieved, and I no longer am, but that dosent dull the coming pain of a family ripped apart. My wife may even want to stay with me, but how will she deal with having a DF or inactive husband? Can I bear to see her so miserable? Having her husband the target of gossip? Will that be any type of environment my daughter should be brought up in? More and more I feel the options are to either wake her up, or its all over.

For now I am doing what you are now, going through the motions, but I know I cant do this much longer. The sad reality is there will be pain for us one way or another: A long slow debilitating pain of pretending to be something we are not, biting our tounge all the time etc, or the pain of just walking away and starting a new chapter in our lives, possibly losing all we know, but probably gaining unconditional, genuine people in the future.

I have been starting to run as well, it helps me physically and mentally, and has helped me bear up. Its nice to know that here we have people who understand.

Please please PM me anytime you want and then I can give you my email adress if you want.

This is some dilemma to be in but we WILL make it through, we have no choice. Everyone will reach their breaking point with the JW life sooner or later.

Out of the mental cell stuck in the physical prison......no-win situation

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