Leaving the Borg > rebuilding your Life > How to erase your time as Bethelite, Missionary, FTS?

BluePill2

So, here I am almost 5 years after the big exit. Life during this time has been tumultous, joyous and sometimes full of tears. Got new friends, social circle moving well (I am an outgoing person), new girlfriend (after messy divorce of JW wife), own business.

But I KNEW something would come back and bite me into my rear-end:

15 years of Bethel & Missionary activities...I managed that basically by faking my CV. I invented a fictious business and activities for that time period. Got the first job - nobody checked, and after that my CV is basically "clean" (people checking only my last real job, not the crappy BORG-slave activities).

Now, I basically hate all social networking sites, but due to a strong business reason had to setup shop in LinkedIn.

BAHM! Damned databases. Now all kinds of Witnesses find me on LI and start checking my profile (I can't lock it, because of my customers - I did once and everybody started asking why I did it). They KNOW that I was FTS during the specific time period...

DAMN IT! My past haunting me now...so far nothing special happened, but this thought is creeping into my mind that someone out there (JW) could become an a$$**** and "denounce" me.

How have YOU coped with your previous Life? Explaining "missing time", "missing education", or simply missing Christmas pics to your new friends? Would like to hear how you have tried to "erase" the past.

sosoconfused

Same problem at FIRST.

The thing is you can say you did anything you wanted to while you were there. No one is going to check and if they do WTS does not in anyway tell anyone anything about past volunteers. I worked in cleaning and for my first job interview I told them that I managed a team of six people blah blah blah... which I kind of did ina round about way as I passed out "Neutral cleaner" spray bottles and Terry Cloth rags when we did lights and pipes.

WHo cares if anyone on there is a witness and says you didn't. Just don't accept that connection.

Xanthippe

Didn't try to erase the past to new friends. Just told the truth, some stayed, some didn't. Did the same with job applications, said I worked for a Christian publishing company. Said I stopped believing in God and no longer wanted to work for them. Got my degree and wanted to do something else. True but not necessarily in that order, but guess what we don't have to tell them everything.

flipper

BLUE PILL- Indeed, it can be quite a challenge to create a new life. But it sounds like you are off to a good start with a new social circle, business, and a new girfriend- so that's good. What has helped me to move on from JW land and move on from the WT Society is getting involved in hobbies, new interests and pursuing them full bore. I have been playing a lot of guitar and singing and writing songs these past 2 years and performing at local open mikes here in my area. It has been a blast ! Having the time of my life enjoying thse new ventures. Where it will lead- who knows ? I really don't worry too much about it- I'm just having fun ! After wasting almot half a century in that damned mind control cult - I'm finally having fun. And my wife and son and his girlfriend enjoy music as well so we do it together also.

I love to go on hikes in the woods, camping, backpacking, looking for Sasquatch - you name it, listening to music, reading. I mean- there are ALL kinds of activities you can get involved with that will erase the negatives we experienced within the WT organization. At least- that's what I'm finding anyway. Good luck to you, live life and pursue happiness and BE happy ! We are free ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

jgnat

Not a JW here, but I have a rough past. The best advice I ever got was not to try and outrun my past but to embrace it as part of who I am today. What you do is add to your life until the past is drowned out.

You do owe your past for at least giving you a sensitive BS meter.

Hillary

I think u might just be paranoid. I don't think you'll have a problem. Ever hear the term "fake it till you make it"

blondie

The best advice I ever got was not to try and outrun my past but to embrace it as part of who I am today. What you do is add to your life until the past is drowned out.

I agree with jgnat. I have been out 12 years...come from an abusive family, and an abusive religion. What I have added does drown out the bad from my past. I use it to help others too avoid the pain or heal.

I have moved from victim to survivor to winner.

Antioch

Watch Don Draper in "Mad Men." It's an entire storyline about a man hiding his past. There are strong connections between his sucessful recreation of his life and an Ex-JW's recreation of a life. Especially this scene where he gives advice to a workmate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=kEMe3wj-QuM#t=74s

Counter-example: I'm a few weeks from finishing my bachelors and I met this kid who entered college at 16 years old. Completely wrecked his GPA. And everytime I saw him talk about his educational path with a new person, he would confess it like he was looking for absolution from them. Like he just wanted them to understand. But they won't. We are what we tell people we are.

I remember when I first left. For years I felt like it was all over my face. I didn't understand others and they didn't understand me. We wish we could explain ourselves to others. We want a starting point where we are reaching out to meet others halfway from where we come from. That just does not work for two reasons. 1) it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where you feel like a stranger from the desert and therefore they treat you like one. 2) the best way to reintegrate is to observe how "normal" (non-JW) social interactions work by keeping people at ease and acting "normal."

I know that doesn't apply to your database situation, but it applies to the general thought of this thread. Regarding the specific questions, I just say I was a minister or missionary for those 10 years. They don't need to know what religion. I also don't volunteer that I'm now agnostic unless they ask. I just say that I wanted to explore other ways of helping people (now a FireFighter/Paramedic). The point is, I never insult my past in general conversation. Nobody wants to hear that and it makes you look foolish.

Much love,

Adam

new hope and happiness

Leaving the borg, As Bob Dylan said the only way to live outside the law is to be totally honest.

Gnat, on the posts ive read of yours you alwasys seem to make perfect scence.

BluePill2

I love you guys & gals. Good, balanced thoughts.

Hillary, you're probably right, my girlfriend said the same thing that too much fading time has made me paranoid. These JW folks on LinkedIn probably won't even notice what I wrote on my resume.

Shortly after the leave I started my own business (only one job, before that) and never had to deal with the "problem" of my lost years. In conversations it is easy: depending on the person and the circumstances I decide to tell or not to tell. It has been way easier than I thought. People have good understanding. My girlfriend is fantastic in terms of support and balanced thinking. It is through her that I noticed my "cult thinking", which helps to work on it and get rid of.

Flipper, we have to meet and I have to hear that guitar playing . Thank you Antioch, because of your post I started looking a few Mad Men episodes. Very interesting show.

sosoconfused I did something similar. I spinned the "works" at Bethel to my advantage. Giving out mops, suddenly becomes "Team Management". Placing WT mags becomes: "Setup of a direct sales structure" LOL

Leaving the Borg > rebuilding your Life > How to erase your time as Bethelite, Missionary, FTS?

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