My sons first talk (page 2)

zeb

He probably wont understand what he is on about except that his dad was there for him. Big hugs

DesirousOfChange

Lots of great advice.

Searcher says it nicely:

If you are not there for your son on his "memorable" days in life, then he will never be receptive to any crucial advice you'd want to give him as he grows up, so you're making a great & self-sacrificing gesture by going to support him.

He'll remember your presence for years. Make it really happy for him!

You might add something like: "Remember, I'll always be there and support you for whatever you want to do in your life."

Doc

Finkelstein

Why would they let a 7 year old do this its ridiculous and exploitive .

pbrow

Good on you to go brother... You support him, that is the message you are sending.

Now you need to move back closer to your son or your chance of loosing him is very great. I lived several states away from my children because of work for two years when my two children were that age. That is when I made the decision my job is not worth losing my kids. If he is giving a talk already, without your positive influence he will be baptised shortly after and that is where the difficulties will start.

It may be difficult to get back but your son absolutely NEEDS you close to provide a normal life for him.

pbrow

Awakenednow

Definitely go! He will always remember his dad was there. Smile , be yourself . Commend him in front of others. Maybe your Christlike personality will noticed by some there and they may wake up a bit. That whole "won without a word" thing , ya know? Your son , especially if he's watching , will see others with the problem and not you and wonder why someone as good as you is being rejected. Set ego aside and be love, perfect love casts fear away. Pray and know that God's goodness and grace surrounds you like a shield. (Some scripture) as your son grows he will see the difference and find his way as long as you remain a positive loving constant parental figure in his life. You have to model the dad you believe in.

Frazzled UBM

It is tricky - how to go without being seen to be condoning this exercise in manipulation. Giving a speech and being made to feel good about it is important to the process of indoctrination by linking ego to belief ( he feels good about the religion because he is made to feel good about giving the speech). If you do go, you need to sit him down and explain to him why it was difficult for you to go and that even though you didn't agree with him doing it or with what he was presenting, you went to support him. if you get shunned, make sure to let him understand that happened.

Interestingly, when the shoe is on the other foot even ex-Witnmesses have trouble doing what you propose but in reverse. Even though my wife has stopped going to meetings, when my son joined the choir at school and had to perform at the local Anglican church, my wife would not go to hear him sing. But this last weekend she came with us to La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (which is a basilica) and so there is no consistency to her behaviour.

Alive!

I'm breaking into pieces having trusted so much - your son will hit that wall one day.

Sorry for this misery you and yours go through.

As a mother, ( oh wait - I had no children because the WBTS suggested that having family was pointless) - anyway - these GB men are horrid - they are not from God. Like Satan, they are clever, very clever. You know the scriptures, your boy is in prison, even though it 'looks good'.

If he is old enough to give a scriptural talk he is old enough to be questioned. Question him with heart. I don't mean interrogate - but, allow him freedom of thought, support and question as a mere human who desires clean truth.

Use this situation to help him.

lukejmedic

Well, I did it. I went to my sons first talk, he is 7 years old. I will try and describe the experience for you.

First of all, I am so proud of my son. Despite the religious aspects, he did a great job even though he was very nervous. Through all of this, I am first and foremost proud of my son and his accomplishment. Please do not ruin this by making disparaging remarks. We are all entitled to our opinions, and they are all correct. We do not need to share opinions that may be hurtful though.

OK, so on to the experience.

I thought I would be more nervous. I live 5 hours away, so I had a long drive to think about everything. I haven't been in a KH for 3 years or so and thinking about walking into one again made me nauseous to say the least. This was not the KH that I attended, but was one that I visited quite frequently, so I did know quite a few there.

I arrived 20 minutes before the meeting started, my son and his mom were not there yet. Historically, I remembered DF individuals would always come in after the opening song and prayer, I guess due to embarrasment and wanting to avoid "making a spectacle". I, however, feel no such embarrasment, except maybe for the many wasted yestrs I spent in the organization. So I walked into the hall 20 minutes before the meeting started.

I debated on what I should wear to the meeting. I ended up wearing dress pants and a shirt/tie. This was about my son after all, not me, so I went with the standard attire. I do have a beard though, and that wasn't coming off, so I guess I still stood out like a sore thumb.

When I walked into the hall, I was greeted by several, mostly because I think they did not recognize me and thought I might be a potential new convert, lol. I smiled at these folks and walked down to the front and found a seat and waited for my son to arrive. Several approached me and introduced themselves. I told them that I was freemedic JRs Father and was here for his talk. All of them acknowledged this and then moved on. Al in all, not a terrible experience. I did see many who I was friends with before and got the standard shunning as well as a few dirty looks, all of which I fully expected. Whatever, their loss not mine.

I sat through the bible study, which was the "Draw close to Jehovah" book, again. A comment was made about how the Isrealites were stubborn and rebelious and of no use to anyone and that Jews today were exactly the same. I was quite shocked when everyone in the audience laughed. Quite disturbing anti-semetic comments! During another talk, Baal was identified as being an androgenous God, both male and female. This "Pagan God" was identified as the souce of all of the gender "confusion" we see today. Lots of noises of approval from those in attendance. This was also quite disturbing to me.

At any rate, I thought I handled the situation much better than I thought. I wasn't nervous at all, and the terrible things I heard only reinforced further how happy I am that I am no longer a part of such a disgusting organization. I'm glad I went, being there to support my son was important to me even though I don't agree with the beliefs.

What was interesting was the response I got after. I posted a picture on FB of my son on the stage during his talk. I was so proud of his accomplishment and wanted to share it. I got a very negative response from a close friend who was DF'd several years ago but who apparently wants to go back. He said how sad it was that I was not "up there with him". My son gave a talk with another brother at the table. I guess they have started letting men give these talks now? The women are still banned from the podium I imagine. Anyway, he felt that it was heart breaking to see another brother up on the stage with him and that it shound have been me. There was such a barrage of responses that I ended up deleting the post, as the initial reason for posting the picture was lost.

I found this very frustrating. I am proud of my son and his public speaking accomplishment. Why do others, JWs at that, feel the need to make this about me and what they feel I am or am not doing correctly? So rediculous I think.

Anyway, I will continue to be proud of my son but also continue to show him that there is another way to live. I try and teach him and expose him to other ideas as often as I can when appropriate. I hope that he will see the TTATT and make a smart and informed decision when the time comes.

millie210

Loved your experience Lukejmedic.

You sound very balanced in your view on this whole subject. One thing I have observed is that for some people, balance is very hard.

Its as if balance was a straight road and they cant help driving off to the left or right. No where have I seen this more than with JWs. They have just settled in to being told the world is black and white and they are the "only true religion" and they like that feeling.

So while you are calmly keeping it between the lines they are careening wildly in to one ditch and then the other and that is evident in the dirty looks at the meeting, the anti semetic comments and the blaming of an ancient God for androgyny!

But no where was it more evident than the comments on Facebook.

Such a shame but maybe thinking about the why behind the what helps a little?

You sure do sound like a great father to drive all that way for your young son. He is going to think about that through grown up eyes someday!

Very nice to read of fathers like you.

Sabin

Lukejmedic, good for you. You put the feelings of your son first while staying true to yourself. If people don't like it tell them to sod off. I bet your being there was the best thing in the world to your son. If he grows up & wants to be a JW, that is what makes him happy then so be it. As parents we just need to love. To except our children & support them in what they want to do. Enjoy the moment.

My sons first talk

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