Haven't been online..and update

by Flicka 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • Flicka
    Flicka

    Hey guys, I hope you are all doing great. My husband and I joined this sight in the beginning of last year. Time flies. I think the last time I updated you was when my sister resigned from my business and opened a competing company. I'm not sure if I mentioned the 19page letter I typed to my parents stating my reasons with research why I no longer want to be a JW...

    Last year ended with not much communication between my family and I. There would be the occasionaly sms. My last conversation with my sister was that we can talk about anything under the sun once I decide to come back. Soon after that she deleted my from Facebook.

    It was my parents wedding anniversary on the 1st of February. I dreaded this coming but picked up the phone and phoned my parents to congratulate them. My mother was reasonable on the phone..but then my father wanted to speak to me. It didn't end well. I was accused of throwing them away, chasing money, following apostates ..they even came up with a theory that one of my husbands family members is an apostate and he/she is the reason I'm no longer a JW. My research and letter I sent them didn't seem to make an impression at all. After an hour conversation with my father and ending up in tears as I normally do ..nothing improved much.

    They are convinced that I can't make my own decisions and some one mislead me. Although I convey over and over again that I want them in my life as long as they can accept me as I am without bringing religion in every time they speak to me they see me as the one not wanting to keep contact.

    A few weeks after this phone call to my parents I get a phone call from my mother one morning. She was absolutely hesterical on the phone and crying so much that I could barely hear what she should..she kept repeating that I've thrown her away and that I've F*&^..-up her life and that she can't carry on like this. My mother never swears.. and then the phone. I frantically tried to call her back..(fearing that she might do something stupid). No answer. Eventually I got my aunt to go around to the house and check up on her. She was not well but didn't harm herself. My aunt found her shaking and about to shred my wedding picture.

    After that my aunt and I had a long converstion. She is also a JW but has questions but are in the fearing and guilty stage of leaving. The part we all go through in the beginning. She keeps an eye on my parents for me and updates me regularly how they are doing. She went to the doctor to get my mother some medication as well as she wasn't coping with me no longer being a JW. I'm not DF'd.

    I haven't seen my parents for a year and a half now. I miss them but do not have the energy to face them as it will just end up in an argument and trying to convince me to come back. I want them as part of my life and I hate it that they feel that I've thrown them away. I haven't spoken to my sister in about the same amount of time. Her contact with me is sending a message stating: Memorial is tonight or a link to the Watchtower website...

    At this stage I'm not sure of my next step. I've been thinking of DA'ing myself. Maybe it will be easier for my family. I doesn't matter to me..the borg doesn't have control over me and I don't feel the need to answer to any of them. Maybe I should write my parents another email...

    Any suggestions??

    Flicka

    PS Please ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes, this was written on impulse

  • ?evrything
    ?evrything

    Would love to see that 19 page letter

  • gingerbread
    gingerbread

    By disassociating yourself from the org you are following their policies - the rules of engagement will automatically change. You are allowing the organization to separate your family from you. Your parents & sister are fully involved / invested in this belief system. That is their choice. You've made your position clear. Disassociation will prove in their minds that you are 'mentally diseased' and deserving of shunning and final destruction.

    As JW's we're trained to blame everything on the 'outside' for all of our problems. Your mother feels abandoned by you because the religion demands that the faithful choose it over family. By blaming others for your position, you parents can be free from guilt because of your personal decision. And, you ( as their daughter ) would never behave like this! It must be the fault of your husband and his family....

    They're just scared of the 'reproach' and consequences of your decision. If you want to communicate with your parents for the rest of their lives, just carry on without making a public statement.

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    Many have suggested that (simple but tough) questions are better than telling. It has also been suggested to frame the questions as coming from a non-JW third party (for example someone at work or in the "field").

    Some of my personal favourites:

    • Is "legalism" apostasy?
    • What is the gospel in one word?
    • Is it true that Charles Taze Russell died in 1916 yet did not know that Jesus had started ruling in 1914?
    • Why does the "true religion" secretly blind its followers to the "Good News" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?
    • Why do followers of the Watchtower religion call themselves “publishers of the Good News” whilst unfamiliar with the “Good News” according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?

    I would also not ask more than one (profound) question at a time.

    One might also play devil's advocate or simlilar. For example are you afraid of the truth? (No) If not then why will you run from answering a simple question? (I won't). Well let's see...

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    im glad to see you back here. i wish your family wasnt giving you such a hard time though

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I suggest you learn about the two personalities trapped in a Witness; the put-on cult personality that you've been arguing with and the natural personality trapped within. In those few opportunities that you have to speak to your family's heart, speak to the natural personality.

    Here's some homework. Fill out a worksheet on each of your family members. You can complete the form below without submitting it. Coming to some insight in to your family's natural personality traits will give you the key to communicate effectively with them.

    http://freedomofmind.com/Contact/formFamily.php

    I think your sister is on a power trip. Block her SMS's.

  • Mum
    Mum

    If you DA, your mom may have to be hospitalized and sedated. Your story is heartbreaking, but I think it would be ill-advised to hand them another stick to beat you with.

    Take care. We are here for you.

  • zed is dead
    zed is dead

    Hi Flicka,

    If you DA, would your Aunt still talk to you? Remember that you do not have to live by their rules anymore.

    zed

  • Flicka
    Flicka

    In the letter I listed 5 questions. I showed all my research from the watchtower library. At the end I made a conclusion and I also listed a few more questions which I was still looking into. I also mentioned that if they can provide me with any research of their own I will look at it with an open mind.

    Their response to this a few weeks later was ..you won't look at the research so we haven't put anything together. My aunt will still speak to me. For me there is no difference between being DF'd, DA'd or just deciding I'm no longer a JW. They asked me if I informed the elders, which I haven't. I made it clear to my family that I don't feel the need to do it and I don't see myself as I JW. In my mind I think they are still hoping that I will return as I haven't made a formal declaration of my decision yet.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Personally, I wouldn't use email. It can to easily be misinterpreted. I call or visit my parents so I can gauge their thoughts and emotions as the conversation unfolds, and nothing is in writing.

    Given your mother's emotional situation, would it work to call or visit her regularly (and briefly) to make sure she's okay and help her around the house or something? If not, check with your aunt regularly about your parents well-being.

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