Women's Issues

Joyzabel

Sorry I had to post this under friends, there is no FLUFF topic yet! Enjoy

Women's Issues
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and He's a male.
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super-Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand
1. OTHER WOMEN

Amazing

Hey ... very funny stuff Joy2. We men need something to share too. The movie father of the Bride staring Steve Martin is one way to show life from a man's view. I watched this movie with my oldest daughter not long before she got married.

Here is something to ponder:

What is the smallest book in the world? What men know about women!

What is the largest book in the world? What women think they know about men!

Following Bible principles, we will avoid trying to live - or demand others to live - by an extensive and rigid set of dos and don'ts that go beyond the teachings of the Bible. The Watchtower, 4-15-02, pg 22, pp 15

Joyzabel

Hi Amazing,
Glad you enjoyed these sayings.

I loved that movie "Father of the Bride"

lol @ "]What is the smallest book in the world? What men know about women!

What is the largest book in the world?[/b] What women think they know about men! "

thanks for sharing,
j2bf

TheStar

Thanks Joy, some funny stuff. I have a question though.

If only women can understand other women, why is it so difficult for women to get along in the work place?

I work with mostly all women and I'm about to pull my hair out.

ozziepost

A real chuckle. Thanks Joy, I needed that!

(Was I supposed to read about Women's Business?)

Cheers,
Ozzie

"If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

- Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress

Joyzabel

The Star, sorry to hear about your hair pulling problems.
"If only women can understand other women, why is it so difficult for women to get along in the work place?"
IMHO: I think its too much estrogen flying around.

Ozzie, is there anyother type of business??? lol

j2bf

California Sunshine

Hi Joy....

Thanks for the laugh this morning!

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

Soooo? What else is new?

3. Eyelash curlers.

My husband told me a story about how when he was a little guy [6or7yrs old] he saw his Mom's eyelash curler in the bathroom, picked it up, and tried to figuer out what the heck it was. Then one day he saw her using it. He, being curious, tried to curl his own eyelashes and while he was doing it pinched some skin and of course that was painful so he jerked back and proceeded to pull out half the eyelashes of his left eye. Needless to say, he never touched it again!

Sunny

Joyzabel

lol California Sunshine,
aren't those things scary!!! *eyelash curlers* I never got the hang of using them. Oh well, mascara is my good friend, though
j2bf

Solace

Joy,
I love it,
This is so funny and quite accurate in some areas.

Star,
All the women I work with get along great,
When we are all face to face.

We never talk about eachother,
When we are in the same room.

I dont let office gossip bother me to much. Although annoying, its practically unavoidable if people are talking.
Men, by the way, are just as bad. They love to gossip too.

Hyghlandyr

Oh yeaaaaah...women totally rock man.

I especially liked:

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

Of course that is because when I DO work (rare, as I am lazy and try to avoid it at all costs) I am a labrat, testing pharmaceuticals. The facilities are often four, five, or ten hours away from me. So we ride in shifts, get there as fast as we can and back.

Women's Issues

"If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

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