Protecting Children From Sex

by LucidSky 22 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  TR

  Hi Lucid,

  It would change my views very little. There's a lot more to having sex than disease and pregnancy.

  TR

  UADNA-WA
  Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  Hello everyone,

  Ok, I read the article and though I think that the author IS NOT talking about children being victimized, unfortunately, if the concept ever caught on, I believe that this certainly would give molesters and pedophiles justification for their depraved crimes against children. It seems that imbecile authors that write such rubbish NEVER seem to have any children of their own.

  I WAS NOT promiscuous as a teenager and was a legal adult when I had my first sexual encounter, and have absolutely NO regrets about it whatsoever. I was the last of all my friends. Interestingly enough, NOW as adults, they wish they had waited. And I can assure you that I am probably one of the most open- minded individuals when it comes to human sexuality. One of the biggest motivators that kept me “celibate” was there was NO WAY I wanted to be pushing a babystoller, living on welfare, sorry friends I can’t go out cause I can’t find a babysitter, I have to run to the store to get diapers, while I was still in high school teenager.

  I think that the parental attitude regarding sex and sexuality can make a difference. Talking openly and honestly about it. However, not going overboard, giving them more information than what they can emotionally digest, and put into perspective. Acknowledging the powerful emotions and feelings that can blindside teenagers. Also, being that teenagers tend to live for “right now”, helping them to look down the road a bit and pointing out how experimenting with sex could possibly hinder their plans in the future. If I had a dollar for every teenager I have seen on TV who had to give up their dreams because there’s a baby coming. Not to mention the very real and serious health risks involved with having sex.

  I will give my parents credit for their attitude in this department. They always made it clear that if I ever wanted to talk to them about sex and sexuality that they were available. The subject was NOT taboo. However, even in that environment, teenagers are extremely reluctant to discuss the matter of sex with their parents. Starting to have open conversations early, but not too early (like explicit conversations with 6 year olds), can help keep the lines of communication open

  Then there are all those advocates of the high schools passing out condoms. What a waste. Teenagers almost NEVER use condoms, even when easy access to them is provided. I know that most adults HATE them, and we expect, impulsive children to use them? Come on, people, GET REAL.

  Now, since the author of this book not only believes that teenagers ought to have the “freedom” to be sexually active, but also advocates this for children even younger. I have a ten, almost eleven year old daughter. Yes, it is extremely difficult these days to protect her innocence and childhood. In fact, the other day she wanted to know what the word “Rape” meant. I remember feeling my heart sinking. When I was 10, I had never heard of that word. However, she had at school. And I had to find the words to explain what that is to a ten year old. UGH! Try to gently explain it!

  Also, when I look at her, I can’t imagine, or stomach the thought, of another human being, let alone an ADULT, saying that my child consented to sex with them. Actually, the thought makes me homicidal. Is there ONE responsible parent here that truly believes that it is a GOOD thing that a 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, year old is sexually active? Would you have thought this would have been a good thing when YOU were that age? How about your own child? If you do, I would direct you to the closest mental health clinic because YOU need to have your head examined!

  That is my opinion on this subject.

  Andee
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  Shimmer

  Sixofnine:

  I totally agree with your post. I feel the same way regarding my kids.

  Andee:

  I have the same history as you. I waited until I was 19 and my first time was with my highschool sweetheart. After we had dated for 2 years.

  I have found among my adult friends that the ones with the most sexual hangups are the ones who were either molested when they were children or started having sex at a young age.

  What I tell my children is that if you aren't mature or old enough to handle adult consequences then you shouldn't be making adult decisions.

  A friend of mine was discussing with her son how hurt and uncomfortable it was to see his ex-girlfriend. She then said, now imagine that she has your child. He of course said that would be horrible. She said, unless you are willing to take that chance, then you should make the conscious choice now to wait until you are older and more mature. I think that is a good idea to have our children think about the "what ifs" of life. And have them reach that conclusion on their own, instead of force feeding them our morals.

  I remember when I was dating my husband we would always go off without a chaperone and my mom told me that I was going to have a "slutty marriage". Real nice huh?

  Shimmer
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  joelbear

  Children always have and always will involve themselves in sexual play. Its part of life. Sometimes boys play with other boys, sometimes they play with girls, etc. etc. etc. They all play with themselves.

  What is wrong about adult/child sex is very simply that it is in the great majority of cases violating. Yes, some 12 year olds fantasize about sex with adult men. I was approached just last week by a 15 year old boy (or a person claiming to be a 15 year old boy) who even sent me his picture. I wrote him back a kind but firm letter telling him that he was placing himself in an extremely dangerous situation and told him to find someone his own age to go through these experiences with. Just because they think they want it doesn't mean they are ready for sex with an adult. The power differential is simply too great, leaving the child or young adult at a disadvantage. Not being able to make decisions as to what is best for them in very complex situations. Not being able to turn down the adult when they don't want sex. Feeling like they have to be obedient to the adult or even being physically overwhelmed by the adult whether they like what is going on or not.

  That is why society must insist on zero tolerance regarding sex between adults and children. ZERO tolerance.

  I've read NAMBLA's bullshit. Its disgusting. The little boys want to be loved they exclaim. The 15 year olds need someone to guide them through the process. BULLSHIT!! They simply want to violate children. Its nauseating.

  While sexual play between children is natural and inevitable, I am also alarmed at the continuing erotization of children in media and advertising. My current pet peeve is the two little boys ogling the supermodel as she goes to buy a Pepsi, the punchline is that they are really looking at the Pepsi. But more and more you see 7 and 8 year old boys pictured as drooling over women and little girls dressing and trying to act like sexual vixens. Good grief, when I was 8 I was having dirt bomb wars.

  We as a society sexualize kids and its just flat wrong.

  Can you tell I feel strongly about this.

  Joel
• 

  SixofNine

  Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, nothing magical happens on a persons 18th birthday.

  People who do not enter this discussion with that thought well in mind, are not really intelligent enough to be having this conversation.

  I require them to be silent.

  Also, this point should be well in mind: Peoples' sexuality are (is?) all different. For most of my adult life, whenever I heard people, even experts, talk about childrens' "sexuality", I thought they had some horrible liberal perverted agenda. This was because I had no sexuality until about my 13th year, when suddenly my sexuality uhmm...sprang up. When people talked about babies getting erections, I generaly discounted their words and at most thought that it was merely a physical phenomena, with no sexuality involved.

  I know a woman who was caught by her parents at about the age of 8, mutually playing with the genitalia of another little girl. It felt good to them. They were quite innocent. Considering that they were from repressed witness families, I'm sure that neither had even been givin much of a clue that anything was wrong with it from their families' perspective. They sure were after they were caught.

  Now that I am no longer in that mindset that requires all experience to conform to MY experience, I realize that some children, by the time they become teenagers, have been sexual in one form or another, their entire lives. I realize that that is natures fault, not necessarily some influence adults have left them with (my old "JW" hypothesis).

  When I hear of a gay man saying "I knew I was gay since I was 5 years old" I no longer say "bullshit" or "must have been molested", just because I had no memorable sexual feelings before I was thirteen.

  I also realize that some of the things that contributed to my (relative) self control in matters sexual in my teen years, were in fact not so much a powerful will over my own urges, but rather a stultifying fear of things that I should not have feared.
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  joelbear

  Six,

  I agree nothing magical happens on your 18th birthday. However, you can't codify common sense, so there has to be a deliberate line.

  I myself would change the age of consent to sex with adults to 21. But that won't happen.

  Joel
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  SixofNine

  Joel, I agree with you that you can't codify common sense. That's a great way of putting it. Lines do have to be drawn, although flexibility is always a good thing. Sometimes it's not a possible thing however.

  This though: "I myself would change the age of consent to sex with adults to 21."

  Come on! Givin what you and I both know about human nature, that is patently ridiculous.
• 

  Xander

  It would change my views very little. There's a lot more to having sex than disease and pregnancy.

  Out of curiosity, TR (and not to distract from the main thread), but what would that be?

  Xander F
  (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)

  A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
  --George Santayana
• 

  concerned mama

  What a fascinating thread! As the parent of 2 teenagers, it is something I have thought long and hard about, and started talking to my kids about long ago. I am on the conservative side, but fully realize that if my kids don't marry till they are 24 or 25 or older, it is extremely likely they will be sexually active before marriage.
  The best way to protect children from early sex is communication.

  My philosphy is responsible sexuality. Sex is the most intimate experience you can have with another person. If you have a strong sense of yourself as special, you want to share this intimate act with someone else who is really special...hopefully someone who you would consider sharing your whole life with. I hope my kids wait till they are AT LEAST legally adults, or older to evaluate themselves and the person they are involved with. So, you add your personal sense of self-worth, to the risk of pregnancy and disease.

  We all know that relationships are confusing at the best of times, both joyous and agonizing. Breakups are always messy, much more so if there has been sexual involvement, let alone a baby involved.

  Teenage boys may sometimes be fascinated by girls who are promiscuous, but they sure don't respect them. Funny, the guys who are "players" don't seem to be looked down upon the same way. I have heard from the kids about girls considered by the boys to be "used goods" . My daughter decided on her own that she doesn't want to be a toy for any guy to play with and throw away when he is tired of her. More power to her.

  I recently read that few kids regret waiting for their first sexual experience, but many regret starting it so soon. (Don't remember where Iread it, sorry)

  It is eventually all up to them, how they will handle that part of their lives, and you hope that you have been open enough they will be able to make wise choices, with the least regrets.

  concerned mama

  edited becasue I need spell check
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  Xander

  Sex is the most intimate experience you can have with another person

  Again, what makes it that? Every single animal does it. The desire to do it is biological in nature.

  FWIW, I disagree with this position. The most intimate experience you can have with another person is to trust and love them completely and without reservation and have that trust and love returned.

  Any living thing can have sex...only humans can trust or love. *That's* what makes us special. *That* is what is the most intimate thing to share with another person.

  Xander F
  (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)

  A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
  --George Santayana