Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in

by James Jackson 88 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gayle

  To give "principles" to children, is 'not' by adding to scriptures and rules as many cults do. To do so cause "exasperation" to children. "do not exasperate your children." It burdens, can cause a child to be overwhelmed and to give up. Through 'praise' we can inculcate more positives. If a child senses they can never 'satisfy' their parent, the child will grow with resentment.

  It's the 'parent,' not the religion, that inculcates and impacts the example of love, joy and peace, necessary to their child.
• 

  Ucantnome

  Having posted that this is like my disclaimer.

  I have been having a few drinks this afternoon and I think the Catholics are probably right.
• 

  Heaven

  James, staying in the religion knowing it's spouting falseness will damage your cred with your kids. Your children are going to realize there's something not quite right about this religion eventually.

  When you go door to door, exactly what are you preaching about? Unless you are warning people not to join, I can't see how you can honestly do this.

  Their blood policy is BS.

  The fall of Jeruselum in 607 B.C. is BS.

  Christ's invisible return in 1914 is BS.

  "This generation" is BS.

  Armageddon is coming soon is BS.

  Jehovah's Witnesses are God's Chosen, the one true religion, and the only ones who will survive Armageddon... BS.

  Resurrected JW's will live in a paradise Earth... BS.

  You must all be preachers ... BS.

  The Governing Body is the Faithful and Discreet Slave... BS.

  Not partaking of the emblems at the Memorial... more BS.

  Apostates are mentally diseased... prejudicial and unlawful BS.

  If a family member is disfellowshipped or choses not to join you really shouldn't have anything to do with them.... incredible BS!

  Fast forward a few years. You are now either DA'ed or DF'ed. But your children decide to dedicate themselves. Now they have to shun you. In your attempt to be uber moral, you lose your family.

  In my family, my parents clung to their beliefs but didn't always follow the Society in everything. This just made us kids want to get away from it as fast as we could. See, it was ok for them to do what they wanted but not us. This is BS... and it doesn't work with children.

  Then our parents dedicated themselves and the family disintegrated. This religion is destructive in ways you may have not even thought could possibly ever happen.

  So have your children asked you THE question yet? If not, are you prepared for it?
• 

  EmptyInside

  I agree with what everyone is saying here. As a born-in,I'm kind of dealing with being raised in a restrictive religion. I finally found myself you could say. There are some important stages of emotional growth as an individuall I missed,and sort of playing catch-up.

  I'm not sure how old your child is,but I'm guessing teenager. But,the transiiton could also be difficult for them,if they also have close associates within the religion. And also,if they truly believe. It could be rather traumatic to find out his father is now a non-believer,or even considered an apostate.

  I think the best route to go is gradually allowing him/her to have non-Witnesses as associates and not following the stance on higher education the organization follows. And then take it from there,but eventually,something always has to give,the religion or your life,and your family's life. Be free.
• 

  whathappened

  No need to raise your child in a cult solely for the purpose of installing values.
• 

  Finkelstein

  My customer agreed that to instill good principles in children, regardless of which religion, was the moral thing to do!

  So then instilling and immersing the lies, corruption and ignorance of organized religion is really wholesome and beneficial for their

  moral and intellectual growth. There are thousands of cases of people who were brought up in this religion who suffered

  tramatically from the doctrinal teachings of the WTS/JWS.

  These people are now speaking up on the inter-net and elsewhere.

  I've personally met and known many people over the years who were outstanding good individuals, who had no or little religious

  experience in their lives, so this statement that a person needs religion to create a good person is a lie in itself.
• 

  Giordano

  I'll speak from the other side of the coin....... we left the 'truth' before we started a family! Because we did not want to raise children as a JW. The reason at the time (early 1960's) was threefold. The Blood doctrine (utter nonsense), Armageddon (a very misguidded teaching painting God as a chronic mass murderer)and the banality of the meetings and publications (no explanation needed).

  We soon became non-belivers. We raised a great son without a bible. He turned out just fine. He, his wife and our three grandchildren live a mile away and they are in our lives just about every day.

  Back when we decided to leave we had no doubts about how to conduct our selves. We evolved our thinking to incorporate the following:

  To always search for objective truth, with the understanding that new knowledge and experience constantly alter our imperfect perception of it.

  To have a concern for This life and a commmitment to making it meaningful through better understanding of ourselves, our history, our interllectual and artistic achievements, and those who differ from us.

  To search for viable individual, social and political principles of ethical conduct, judging them on their ability to enhance human well-being and individual responsibility.

  To have an interest in securing justice and fairness in society and in eliminating discrimination and intolerance.

  That with reason, an open exchange of ideas, good will and tolerance, progress can be made in building a better world for ourselves, and our children.
• 

  JakeM2012

  Heaven, your response blows me away at how confident and put together you were at an early age. If I could live life again, when my father told me that I would have to move out and be ostrasized by the family, I would have left, no questions asked. I was too cult-ized to think freely.

  I have to agree with lisa's thoughts, this has been a topic of conversation between my wife and I as she is not an active witness anymore, she feels we should go somewhere. But I have seen so many young like Slimboyfat said, they have just learned to lead double lives (witness lingo), or behave around some in different ways. My mother-in-law started lecturing my daughter and it was like turning on a lightswitch that she couldn't talk or dress freely with gran.

  Lisa, your description of identity diffusion and identity foreclosure describes several in my active witness family exactly.
• 

  clarity

  What Lisa said!

  >

  James, you say you were really hardcore with your older son ...

  and it more or less back fired ... for every action there is a reaction!

  When leaving high control, high pressure, punishing groups ... the members

  act out ...often not swinging back to a normal middle ground, but

  way past to the extreme other end! Sounds like your older son!

  >

  Why would the younger son be different ... he will still be screwed up!

  Wishing you all the best what ever you do.

  clarity
• 

  sspo

  Very lame excuse to stay in the religion. Isn't that a bit hypocritical to stay in and go to the process of worshiping " God" when you do not believe in the watchtower. You can instill morals,generosity, giving oneself in helping others and on and on without using the bible. I am 59 and left the watchtower after 32 years in it and i have found many, many friends now that have no connection to religion or God yet i can trust them with my life. Don't allow the brainwashing to continue on your kids.