I've tried the "Class is keepin me busy" type excuse to not make it. I actually really don't mind being shunned at this point. My parents are Catholic. They were very angry with me when I started studying with the witnesses so it's not like I'm going to lose them by DAing myself. I even tried dropping little hints here and there even when I was in, but I've seen no "seed" being planted but who knows. I realized that the only way they'll see the organization for who they really are is if they want to.
I'm just tired of countless texts and emails telling me to come back. And the fake conversation starters. They always go "How hows the family? Hows school?" then onward to a barrage of questions about my spirituality. I already chewed out the elders and told them to stop coming to my door, especially on days where I would say I'd be busy or out of state. Since I live in NYC, everybody is within walking distance of each other and constantly seeing them outside feels like I'm entering a battle whenever I encounter one of them. At one point I could not even stand being in my own neighborhood without having an anxiety attack. I'm over that now. I'm tired of these battles and what am I to gain from maintaining my "friendship" with these people? I've been going over in my head that if they shunned me, if would be the end of this harrassment.
But I think I'll just write a letter to the brothers and sisters that I care about. Telling my point of view and if they wish to have a friendship that's not based of religion, I'd be just fine with that. Thank you guys.
Disassociating
by Godsendconspirator 35 Replies latest jw experiences
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Godsendconspirator
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20yearfader
i wouldn't send a letter just fade i've been fading for over 20 years....no problems no calls no visits,the added perks are i can go to my jw family weddings and funerals without the df or da recoil from the jws lol.Only had one problem from a jw that was released from prison that i grew up with saw him at my grandmother's funeral he spoke later i tried to frien d him on fb and he asked what was my status ..lol he did 15 years for murder an he was still better than me go figure
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Honesty
Back in 2004 they actually announced if you had been disfellowshiped or had disassociated. Now, they announce that you are no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
I didn't send them a DA letter in 2004 when I decided that I wanted no more of their hypocritical behavior. I just told the 2 elders that were investigating me to see if I harbored any apostate ideas that by affiliating with the UN the Watchtower Society had turned apostate and I didn't associate with apostate religious organizations. I ended the telephone interrogation (I refused to meet with them in person so one of them called while he had the other one on conference call) by hanging up on them. 3 days later I received a phone call from another JW from another hall asking why I had DA'd.
The Watchtower elders will not read your DA letter other than to skim over it looking for the sentence where you tell them you quit. They don't give a rat's ass about truth or logic or honesty because they drink the WT koolaid by the gallon.
I suggest that you send your DA letter to the entire congregation and all your JW friends.
That will do more good than sending it to a group of men who care only about protecting the mother organization.
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problemaddict
If you want to send individual letters to people you really seem to care about, that is one thing. But please do not disassociate yourself. it plays into their claim of authority. Just be honest with the people you care about. When they say you are missed say i miss you too. If they say Jehovah misses you, tell them what you think of that as the case may be. Let them know they can come and see you anytime! When they bring it up, say you dn't do that anymore etc... and change the subject.
I don't know. Like Simon said, its a personal thing. i'll be damned if I ever DA of get DF'd. I would fight it tooth and nail. But I probably have more to lose than you in that regard.
Do a benefit analysis. Is this for you or for them?
Later.
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fresh prince of ohio
Oh man, running into them on the street all the time, yeah, that sucks. And if they start picking up that you're dodging their hows-your-spirituality questions, then you're as good as shunned. All they need is the slightest whiff. Tough situation man.
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whathappened
We have several members of our family that just quit cold turkey two plus years ago. The rumor has it that we are apostate. they have left us alone and are afraid of us.
I will never give them the dignity of a letter or a JC meeting, they do not have my respect anymore than the priest at the local Catholic Church has. They are mid level cult leaders, after all.
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umadevi
I D'Aed via sms to one of the elders. I just told him that I have decided to disassociate whithout giving any explanation. The elders later came to see to find out why but I repeated the same thing. As for the JW friends I wrote them letters and some I called to inform them.
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SeventhSojourn
Godsendconspirator
I believe your original question was - How did some of you go about officially disassociating?
You seem to know what's best for your situation, have made up your mind, and are looking for feedback on writing/submitting a DA letter.
So here's just backstory: in 2012, after about half a year of research I decided to leave the organization. I still wanted to maintain contact with the brothers and sisters though so a year ago, I tried to fade out.
Now I have new real friends who know everything about me and still accept who I am. And I feel now that I weened myself off of these guys, I don't feel like I would be too hurt if I never spoke to them again.
I want them to know the real reason I left, the things I've learned just to get everything out there.
Briefly I'll tell you - Looking back, I realize they had more control over my life when I was in fade mode. After over a year of playing the fading game I composed a letter summarizing my position, with facts to support it. I won't go into my motivation here, but I did want it on the record that I was out. I sent it to the BOE of my cong "in care of" an elder who I thought might read it before presenting it to the body (I mailed it to his home address, not the KH).
NO regrets. Good Luck!
SeventhSojourn
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mgmelkat
I recall reading in one of the society's publications (I can't find where) that if you went to another church or celebrated a "pagan" holiday or joined an organization that went contrary to JW beliefs than you disassociate yourself by your actions. I've been working up the courage to go to another church even just once, just to disassociate myself from the JW church to my own mind.
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mercedes_29
I sent a letter in to the elders. I had a week to change my mind before it was announced that I was DA'd. Everyone knew before the announcement becuase I was shunned at the store and local coffee shops. I'm glad it happened otherwise I might have changed my mind. Anything you send in will be kept in a file in the library. My advice to you - walk away and never look back. Any explanation you give will be attributed to your "mentally diseased state" and your being influenced by Satan.