Who really is to blame for the marriage breakdowns?

by Quarterback 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Quarterback

  Another young couple has bit the dust, in our congregation. That's close to 20.

  We'll probably hear a special needs talk, and of course the couple will be counselled to get back together, and they are not scripturally free to marry.

  Comments will be made that it's is the fault of the younger ones, today. Apparently younger ones are selfish, but, are they?

  Think about the 50's. Was it easy to separate then? Not really. The thinking back in those days made it difficult for women to free themselves from an abusive state. People worried about what their community thought. It still was considered not acceptable for an interational marriage. We have come a long way. Today, men and women are free, and empowered to make decisions, and to change things if things are not working right.

  It's the times thathave changed. Women are financially better equipped to look after themselves, and to not live in fear of any man.

  I consider this progress.

  Fear will not restore a marriage (at least not keep the marriage happy). The society have burdened families today that may have contributed to the break-up.
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  *some* JW kids spend their entire life getting back at their parents for entrapping them in the failed social experiment. They don't even know they are doing it, doing damage to their own relationships in an attempt to get back at their parents.
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  perfect1

  JWs get married to young to know what they re doing, and then are locked into some hormone fueled infatuation with a legal marriage contract.

  LAME O.

  If young JWs were allowed to experiement with each other openly, premarital sex, even just unchaperoned dating, people would get to know each other better before tieing the knot- or noose.

  Of all the attractive people I have slept with, I only married one.

  ;)
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  Julia Orwell

  At least people who make a bad choice in a marriage can get out of it these days. Still, people sometimes break up over stupid things, but I daresay that is not the norm.

  I'm not an expert on marriage by any stretch, but I think respect and willingness to forgive and compromise comes into making a marriage work. There are a lot of damaged people out there who've probably not been taught to do these things, which would make it hard for them to keep a relationship together.
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  talesin

  I think that's a spot-on observation, QB.

  tal
• 

  laverite

  I was listening to Pat Robertson, and apparently, gays and gay marriage are to blame for anything and everything bad that happens at the moment. That's got to be it. Right?
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  Julia Orwell

  @ perfect1, agree about the unchaperoning thing. My fiance (now husband) managed to spend a lot of time together unchaperoned (with no sex) and I remember how personal and open we were with each other and thinking, how on earth can you be that if you've always got to have another person there or be in public? How can couples really get to know each other? And just normal every day things we'd do, like cook meals together, or he'd come around after work and have a nap on my bed before we had a meal and watched tv. To me it was the most normal thing in the world, but were we younger, born in JWs we'd have parents and everyone else making such a big deal, we'd have felt stifled.

  I mean, even just to talk about sex. I was terrified of the whole thing, thinking I'd have to do all that crazy stuff you read in the 'tips' part of Cosmo magazines, and I was like, hell no! But just being together in private and able to talk freely, I was able to air my concerns and he was able to say, "You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with." Can you talk like that if you're in a restaurant with Dad in the corner? On the couch at home with your teenage sister in the kitchen? Group dating? Not to mention the pressure put on a relationship by the JW slander mill and elders in back rooms.
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  Julia Orwell

  I don't see how gay marriage has anything to do with hetero marriage...it's not like they're interfering...gay people have their own lives, man!! Such ignorance.
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  laverite

  We do, Julia. We really do. When people talk about the gay lifestyle, I never understand what they mean.What does my lifestyle entail? I get up in the morning. Put the dog out. Make my tea. Brush my teeth. Shower. Get ready. Wake the kids up (I have three). Get them ready for school, fed, and then the school commute starts. Get myself to work. Work all day. Pick them up after school. Home. Make sure homework is done. Dinner. Clean up. Herd everyone upstairs for bathtime. Get ready for bed. Go to sleep. Next day: Repeat.

  I can't see how my life is any different than anyone else's. And, if I get married someday, how that impacts others. But so many others have some pretty crazy thoughts about what being gay is all about.
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  Julia Orwell

  Gosh, that 'gay' lifestyle is so bizarre and threatening! Who'd've thunk it? Maybe they mean going out and partying at gay nightclubs. But straight people party at nightclubs too, so I have no idea what they mean by gay lifestyle.