A day in the life of a fading JW

dissonance_resolved

I'm five months into my slow fade and it's going so-so. My Saturday morning was spent on a 3-mile jog and taking the kids to the park, which was great, but I'm still shuddering from the potential alternative. At the last meeting, an elderette literally blocked the exit to prevent my escape and said she just "noticed" that we were in the same field service group and would I like to work with her in service on Saturday? Ok, I didn't want to be uncharitable and reference the fact that I've been assigned to that service group for OVER A YEAR and she just noticed, nor that she has never spoken to me, called me, or probably even thought of me until she noticed I wasn't going in FS and decided to make it her personal mission to encourage me. Ugh. So I said, "hm, Saturdays are tough, but if there is a day that would work, I'll call you!". Exit quickly stage left.

Then my mom called and wanted to know if we were going to the DC next weekend to catch the day we missed last month due to "not feeling well." Me- "oh, hm, haven't really planned that far ahead, seems like a long way off." Her- "It's not really that far off. You won't want to miss the drama- it's about Esther! It's supposed to be really good!" Me- "oh, yeah, hm". Awkward silence. Change of subject.

Finally, the most heart-breaking part of my day, my little girl asks me if I'm going to the meeting tomorrow and I say "no." So she says "when are you going to start going to meetings again?" and I say "I'm going to go as little as possible from now on." She walks away and I can only hope she's wondering why and starting to think rather than pondering that her mommy is going to die at Armageddon.

krejames

Hi Dissonance-Resolved

It must be very difficult, especially when you've got immediate family and young children still in. Hard though it is, it does sound like you're doing and saying all the right things to pave the way for your freedom. Hang in there. The "encouragement by field service" is really tricky - I can empathise (as I am sure many other faders can - in fact this is what gave me the final push to stop going to meetings altogether). So much of the Jw mindset is all about emotional blackmail and manipulation.

Wishing you the best

James

rmt1

You appear circumspect enough to act in many, small, reversible moves. Over time they sum up to an irreversible state, but you maintain control the entire way. (Burning bridges is the other way to achieve an irreversible state...)

S EIGHT

I got the impression Dissonance Resolved was female?? Anyway, keep up the good work even though at times it feels far from good. It's a long road for most but it really does make you stronger and happier. You must already be feeling a weight lifting and the silly guilt trips fading.

S8

Scully

I highly recommend that you take about 90 minutes to listen to the Secular Parenting podcast on The Thinking Atheist website. There are some extremely useful suggestions by Dale McGowan, who has written books about raising children to have critical thinking skills.

The podcast aired last week and I thought it was just brilliant.

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/podcast/index

Even if you aren't atheist, the author has some excellent advice for a parent whose beliefs change. He actually made the comment that former JWs face terrible consequences if their change in belief is discovered before they have developed strategies to strike an accord with the believing partner.

rmt1

The feeling of the weight lifting off your shoulders, if you've been in long enough, is absolutely true. Any of the rare times that I hear Lisa Gerrard's idoglassia of "Now We are Free" (Gladiator), I am transported back to the day that I crossed the Susquehanna river and geographically left the territory of all the Halifax / Harrisburg / Middletown KHs I had even been a slave in. Getting out is a death, with an afterlife, but you're still alive.

Scully

Hi S Eight

Yes, I figured that out after reading a few more posts from DR's history. Thus my amended post.

zed is dead

d_r,

I sympathize with your plight. Do not be careless with the "sister" that supposedly wants to encourage you, she might be trying to gather information on you for her elder husband. They use sneaky ways to investigate.

Family pressure is the most depressing, especially the children. Just remember that is what the Watchtower teaches them to do. It is even worse now with the "listen, obey, and be blessed" crap that the org is spewing.

Hang in there!

zed

lisavegas420

I don't know how old your daughter is, but can you just talk to her in an age approiate way about what you are feeling and thinking?
I think it's ok if our kids know we are still searching for our own answers or our previous thoughts and beliefes may changed based on new information we have received.

strength and happiness to you and your family.

Bob_NC

Very good with "Saturdays are tough, but if there is a day that would work, I'll call you!" I am annoyed with this sister just reading it.

Kids understand a lot. You'll be surprised when you talk to her about really nice people that do not go to the Hall, many of them serve god and live a good life. You didn't mention your daughter's age. In any case, give her the positive side for not going to the Hall. As already mentioned, that you have other questions about life that are not part of the KHall and new information to consider.

Maybe with your mom you could ask simply, have you ever wanted time out to evaluate what is really important and life and the people that are important to you without the pressure of always "doing" something? With the organization there is always something that we are supposed to be "doing". I want to "be" for a while and then decide what it is that I want to "do".

A day in the life of a fading JW

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