I Just Had A Big Fat Bomb Drop On My Head and It Leaves Alot Of Questions

by TotallyADD 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • TotallyADD
    TotallyADD

    When I got home from work this afternoon my wife was standing near the door looking at me and said you need to sit down I have some hard news to tell you. So I sat down and she began saying my brother called and I imminently ask if my mom had died. She said no but my mother told my brother a deep family secrect that no one knows about. It seems back in 1968 when I was 14 my father who is now dead had a child with another women in our small town and that is the reason we moved to FL in 1970. I was speechless. I have a half brother living somewhere else I do not know about. This does explain alot of things to me about my family. I knew they was screwed up but this? Unbelievable!!!! Of course my brother the cult elder took 2 months to tell me after finding out. He told me he did not know if he should or not. But finally decided he should. Lucky me!! He also goes on I should not say anything to my kids about it or even try to look up our half brother. I told him I will think about it but it's up to me what I decide.

    My father the one who everybody thought was such a great elder the one who would talk on stage all the time about how bad adultery was. The one everyone would tell me how great it must of been to be raised by him. That statement always made me sick to my stomach by the way. The one that entire elder bodies would listen to and respect. I had a close friend tell me many years ago when I first became a elder this "Totally ADD listen very closely to what elders say on stage. If they talk alot about a certain thing alot. They are probable gulity of it. Well guess what my dad talk alot about on stage?" So here I am kinda numb right now. Mrs. Reopened Mind is at work so I have no one to talk to right now.

    So here is some question I will be asking myself and thinking about for many days to come. Should I try to contact this person? What about his family? I know my parents knew this lady because they went to school together. So that would make her 90 if she is still alive. Does our half brother know about this or has he been left in the dark also? If I do decide to contact him what would I say? Or is it best to let sleeping dogs lie? I wonder what does he look like? What kind of life has he had? Does he have kids? Where does he live? The questions keep coming and coming. I can tell this has upset my elder brother very much. For the first time I can remember he talk about how bad it was to live with our parents. How abusive they was. How our mom was very hateful. Then because he was 11 when our parents came into the cult he said how he remember how happy she was before coming into the cult and really hated not being able to celebrate the holidays anymore or be around our so called worldly relatives. So according to my mother my father always had a problem keeping his penis in his pants. What a revelation!!!!!

    That's the story. I don't know what else to say. Except this has sure been one hellish year for us. Thanks for listening. Totally ADD

  • ILoveTTATT
    ILoveTTATT

    Wow... so sorry to hear about that!

    Maybe it would be a good time to watch a movie... it's called People Like Us... It's about a man who, when his father dies, learns that his father had another family, and that he has a half-sister. It might be insightful, it might not.

    Just my 2 cents.

    About JW's... we all have secrets... the only reason why many never know about things is that most JW's disregard what they believe anyways, in some form or another.

    I wish you the best!

  • frogonmytoe
    frogonmytoe

    Wow! That is a bomb to drop on your head, so nice of your brother to finally mention it to you...

    I would say leave it until the shock has lessened a little bit and see how you feel about the situation. If you feel angry, I'd say not to make contact with your half-brother, it's not his fault after all.

    I hope you will find this will be some sort of blessing for you eventually.

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    I agree that you should take some deep breaths. Now that you know about this history and can put it into the perspective of your life it will take some digesting. It is definitely your choice about contacting your half brother, but you perhaps need to go gently, if you don't know if he's aware of his paternity? Maybe he does and wishes he knew his half siblings too? But maybe there are ways of researching the situation, I don't know. Can you speak to your Mom about all this? For sure it's not up to your elder brother to tell you what to do or not do.

    Loz x

  • Narcissistic Supply
    Narcissistic Supply

    Your a man. It's his life. Be strong. Have some balls.

    Best,

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Since I'm an only child, I'd love to hear I had a sibling out there somewhere. When you are ready, you should think about reaching out to them. It may turn something shocking into something postive. I'm sure your brother has allot of questions about who his father was.

  • flipper
    flipper

    TOTALLY ADD- Wow. It's quite a lot for you to have to digest all in one fell swoop. I had an elder dad like yours who everybody looked up to- but after his good JW buddy died, my dad got cozy with his buddy's lady. And he was almost 60 when this happened, the sister was about 30. My mom was blown away and my dad lost his eldership for about 3 years all the while claiming NOTHING happened and that he was being unjustly removed by his fellow elders. He just got reproved by playing " humble pie " but could have been DFed really easily.

    As others said I think I would let sleeping dogs lie until you've had some time to think this thing through. You do not know whether or not this half brother even knows about this at this point or has been left in the dark as you state. If he has been left in the dark, you wouldn't want to rock his world by infringing on his family, marriage, or his parents by exposing something that they would rather not be exposed. It may open a can of worms for you and your wife in which would better be left unopened. Just my 2 cents.

    Why don't you sleep on it, give it a few weeks when you are thinking with your mind and not your emotions and see how you feel in a few weeks or a month. Snap decisions are never good to make in situations like these- in my opinion. Hang in there, if you'd like to chat I'm always available sometime

  • nugget
    nugget

    Depends on a lot. Remember your brother will be all about reputation of the society and your father and that may be influencing his choices. You do not necessarily have to share his reticence. It is also true that if your half brother was aware he had other half siblings he could have made contact but he would be in a very awkward position as he was the illegitamate child and might feel uncomfortable doing so.

    My impulse would be to make discreet enquiries and see if you can track him down. Check he is not listed in the press as a con man, mass murderer or armed robber. I don't know how old you are or how old your half brother is but life is short. If you decide to press ahead you can always send a letter as a non intrusive way of making contact. He may be happy to make contact and you may gain a half brother. He may not wish to make contact and you will have neither lost or gained.

  • TotallyADD
    TotallyADD

    ILoveTTATT-Thanks for the movie advice. I will look it up.

    Frogonmytoe-Love that name. It's going to take sometime for me to digest this. That's for sure

    Lozhasleft-My mom does not want me to know about this. She is 90 years old so I will not bother her with this.

    Narcissistic Supply-Whatever Man. LOL thanks

    Londo 111-I know being positive is the name of the game. I will take this slowly.

    flipper-You are right I will take my time. Next week is our county fair and I will be running our Master Gardening Booth. That will help take must

    of this off my mind. Could not have come at a better time. Thanks for the encouragement.

  • gma-tired2

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